Irony?
 

My mom dedicated her life to being a substance abuse counselor. (And she was not an addict herself). She helped soooo many people. Addicts said she was the person who really saved them. She was a shining star.

I went to her classes she taught since I was 11 years old. I knew them back and forwards. Never was "bred" for this addiction. But as soon as she died, it was like I lost all coping skills.

She was my best friend, my heart's song, my EVERYTHING.

I am wracked by guilt at how much she'd be disappointed in my behavior. But I'm trying to adopt the mindset that she'd be even prouder of me for quitting and getting help. Wracked by guilt I am, everyday. That I've spoiled and soiled and ruined her legacy. The legacy she instilled in me.......

She would be proud of you for being here and trying to control your addiction I bet. Hopefully you can also make her proud by following through for yourself on the help and advice you can get here. Best of luck

There are few words that could possibly comfort you in your grief. O am so very sorry to hear you hurt so bad. I've always believed the loss you feel for someone is a true mark for how much you truly love them.
I'm no expert and very green for sure. My mother was a drug and rehab nurse my entire childhood and all of her children have substance abuse problems. It is not your fault. We are wired that way
I'm new at this. I don't have the best advice. I'm sure your mom loved you tremendously. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take each breath with a little gratitude and know.she is always with you.
You're very lucky tohave found SR. I hope you stay with us!

Maybe this is a higher power moment. Maybe you have got to get clean and study then follow in the footsteps of your mum.

Natom.

It is a brilliant move that you are here. Addiction does not discriminate, and you are no worse than anyone else for suffering from it. What makes you different is you are going to do something about it, which is amazing and brave. Your mum will be so proud of you :D

Hi HereIam,

I feel your pain. I lost my mother too last year after nursing her through her last year, she had lung cancer that spread throughout her body and left her completely helpless. She was 58 when she died and I still can't believe she's gone. We were soulmates, I adored her. The grief chokes me and I'm crying my eyes out as I write this. She wasn't an addiction counselor but her heart would have been broken if she knew how much I drank (I hid it well from her). But quitting would have made her proud. The irony in my situation is that she fought with every breath to stay alive, while I had been killing myself slowly with alcohol. The only thing to do with grief is try to use it as an incentive to make positive changes. easier said that done i know - incase i sound like a know-it-all i'm only on day 8, but i just wanted you to know you are not alone

maybe...BUT...she would be the most understanding of all as to the what's, how's and why's you became and are addicted. If anyone would have understanding, compassion and genuine support for you. It's her.