Bob22

I will let you know how the counselor goes Courage2! Hope you are doing ok! I felt like absolute hell about 30 minutes ago with Anxiety, and now feel pretty good.

I was always the guy in control and helping others. Now I am just beat down!!!

Bob22

Just making these posts in case it may help someone else and also to look back on…………….

Slept through the night again which is a blessing! Felt sick for a while when I woke up. No appetite but forced a granola bar down. It seems that my appetite comes back in the late afternoon when the Anxiety is almost gone.

Anxiety was here the moment I woke up. I can feel it come on like it is a part of my body starting up for the day. I am controlling it by telling myself that I can feel good as proven the last two afternoons. I just got back from a walk and they DO WORK! I feel pretty good, anxiety is still there a little but not bad.

Keeping busy until my doctor’s appointment at 12:30.

ddrayer

Didn't read every comment to see if this was already mentioned but I was directed to look into post-acute withdrawal syndrome. Lot of ups and downs and can take quite a while to get completely back to normal. I know this is something I am struggling with.

Bob22

Thanks Ddrayer! All I can say right now is I feel Great! I know it might not last but I think maybe my body is starting to readjust. God I really hope so.

I hope that you are doing well and thank you again for posting!!!

2granddaughters

When you get settled into AA you will hear this said many times.

When I was suicidal in 1989 I wrote a letter to my Dr so when they found me they would know what I was thinking when I did it. To help others.

I ended up in a recovery home with 200 other guys that thought just like me ! The Drs would have received 200 letters that read just about the same !!

I thought I was so special, so different, so unique. It was humbling to find I was a garden variety drunk who had to begin to work the 12 Steps like millions before me.

All the best, Bob.

Bob R

Bob22

So glad you are here today Bob!!!

2granddaughters

If it wasn't for that recovery home in '89 and commitment to AA.... all you'd have is my letter.

All the best.

Bob R

Bob22

Well you hit it right on the head ddrayer. The doctor told me I have Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome. I am frankly afaid to look it up to see wording like "Years to get rid of" or "Never get rid of"

He said it takes a while but didn't give a time frame. So now I am scared as hell again! Never been this scared of anything in my life.

Felt good all day and then came home and started feeling like crap. Anxiety and hopeless feelings.

They are going to monitor my Anxiety and go from there.

Hope we both come out of this crap soon!

Ohio1

Hey Bob- I made the mistake of Googling PAWS lol. Of course like everything I google about health it ends with "You will die a horrible painful death". Google "headache" if you don't believe me- everyone knows headaches are essentially a death sentence.

Everyone is different obviously but I have known quite a few people who beat the hell out of themselves with cocaine/heroin/booze combos and they didn't have lifelong withdrawal symptoms. I have some older acquaintances who have put together sober time after drinking essentially 24/7 for decades and while they needed medical detox, no permanent PAWS occurred so while I'm sure there is some case somewhere of a dude who claims to be permanently suffering I don't think you have to worry about it.

Bob22

Man thank you SO Much Ohio1!!! And you are so right about Googling stuff, that is why I am not going to do it!

Thanks again Man. This is tuff enough without hearing any negative things!!!

ddrayer

Hey Bob, I guess im glad and also not glad. My uncle (20+ years of sobriety and long time AA member) sent me some good literature on PAWS. I agree DO NOT ever google medical conditions. I actually stumbled on this site thinking I was going to die over a year ago because my bilirubin count came back high (turned out to be a mistest). Thought I had cirrhosis. But yea from what I've heard and read (from studies not Wikipedia) it usually isn't too bad. A couple months from what I understand.

If we just keep our noses to the grind stone we can get past this stage too. Any long time sober alchy I meet is well past this stage, its just another battle we have to fight!

Bob22

Thanks a lot ddrayer, We will do it! And I have to say this is the best place to be fighting this. I don't know what I would have done without SR and all the people like you!

courage2

I agree about not stressing too much about is it/isn't it PAWS -- what does it matter? The anxiety and other things we're going through aren't LIKELY to kill us, while alcohol and/or drugs eventually almost CERTAINLY will. So I'm sticking to sobriety, at least today, or at least right this minute. Also I'm going to try to avoid prescription drugs in the first 90 days or so, until I have a better sense of what's "me" and what's an effect of quitting after years of chronic abuse.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today, Bob!

Bob22

Thanks Courage2 and I hear you on the Prescription Meds. I am holding off on those as long as I can!

Bob22

Well made it through another day. Yesterday morning wasn't good but it slowly got better throughout the day and by 5 pm was feeling pretty good. Woke up this morning with the anxiety but manageable. Went for a walk. feel better!

On the walk I was thinking about things I have coming up in the next couple months social wise. Going down the shore this summer with my family, brothers, Sisters, mom and my family. I was thinking to myself there is no way I can do it. That will be in July.

I also have a reunion coming up in March which I am already thinking of canceling.

Hell I have a dinner with a great friend coming up this Friday, I don't think I can make it being in the restaurant for that long. Just crazy! Hopefully these thoughts are because I was having Anxiety at the time I was thinking about all of this!

Hope all of you are doing well!!! And for people that are going through this now and lurking, it sounds like I am doing really bad but I am getting better and you will too!!!

Go for a Long Walk!!!!!!!!

ddrayer

Bob glad to hear there is some forward progress. I hear you on the wanting to cancel trips/dinners and such. This is just me personally, but it seems like a lot of us alcoholics are isolationist loners. I had some social situations this weekend that I was very anxious about, but you know what? Once I let myself relax and said firmly in my head there is absolutely no drinking regardless, I actually had a great time and it was a big step in my sobriety. Now obviously if you feel these activities will put your sobriety in jeopardy I wouldn't go, but for me it was quite liberating to engage in social situations without the crutch of alcohol.

Either way I hope you find the right answer for you! Keep us updated, and keep going one day at a time.

Bob22

It's funny Ddrayer, I am not really worried about drinking at these things, it's just the anxiety I am worried about. I guess I really can't explain it. Maybe like being claustrophobic which I was never before.

Hope you are doing good!

courage2

I think I understand. I can handle being out and not drinking -- I'm just not sure I can handle being out! Even the thought of socializing sets my teeth on edge. That said, isolation is very dangerous for me.

No solutions, but lots of sympathy! Hope every day shows some progress.

sugarbear1

Maybe find the root of your anxiety....is it self-centeredness (fear of doing or not doing something according to yours or others expectations? or is it something else?)

Bob22

Hi Sugarbear1, the anxiety I wake up with and deal with most of the day after quieting is defiantly Alcohol withdrawal because it comes from nowhere and happens almost as soon as I wake up. It's the feeling of having to get up in front of 2000 people and give a speech or class which I have done and is a fear of mine.

But I think you may have hit on something with the social thing. Alcohol defiantly made socializing easy for me. After reading what you said, I think I have lived my whole life worrying about what other people have thought of me.

I will have to work on that and thank you so much for pointing it out!

Good thing is; I went to lunch with my wife today and it felt good!

I am going to get through this and thank you all!!!