JaimeJaime

How does one cope?? I want to be a normal functioning person. I can sometimes if I'm in my husbands shadow but alone I'm lost. I get panic attacks for the simplest things. I have no friends anymore and am blowing off a potential good friend because I couldn't stand the panic and I started drinking and here I go again. I was going to AA meetings earlier this year and felt great. Better than in years actually. Such a long story and I guess we all have tales to tell. If anyone has any advice please share, I don't know what to do!! I want to be sober but I want that confidence that came from the drink. It scares me how fake it all is though. Real confidence comes from being sober. To anyone out there who is sad or suffering or just has something to share... please do. I really need it.

amandy

I am on the EXACT same page as you. My boyfriend is almost my only friend, and its depressing. I have social anxiety, I fear approaching people, unless I was drinking. I'm only on day 2 and honestly the shyness and lack of confidence and having to deal with it sober is probably my biggest fear.

JaimeJaime

i Know what you're feeling. For me at this point I'm just so lost and scared. I'm happy I have my husband... don't know how old you are, I'm 33. I feel like I'm hiding behind him though, and I'm really sad because he doesn't feel what I feel and I just feel beyond alone

amandy

I'm 26, and I guess I hide behind him in a way that I don't do anything without him. I lost most friends through past breakups and he moved here from across the country so we don't know many people. I often get jealous of people who are great friends with coworkers and etc.

It would be so great to start a hobby and be forced to be social don't you think? Either way, I know that drowning the insecurities with booze isn't going to help us, its only going to postpone the inevitable. Best to deal with it head on and try our best to resolve our issues!

Dorris

Try not to be so hard on yourself in these early days, I know you will be going through your life with a highlighter pen criticizing every thing about yourself. Allow time for you to change before you expect to much.

My husband is my only true friend, It got that bad for me recently I noticed I would folllow him round the house, I was feeling so alone and needy. I lost a lot of friends over the years believe it or not because I never liked their behaviour when drinking. It makes me cringe really when I look back, why I could not see my own faults.

I'm looking to get myself sober and try to find new interest which help me make new sober friends.

Small steps, I'm sure good things will come living a sober life x

Coldfusion

Jaime, for me my wife is half of the equation. We both were about to crash and burn, and now we are both sober for over two months. Does your husband drink? How does he feel about your drinking?

JaimeJaime

Dorris, thank-you. I think it helps so much in early days to know people are out there to help you. This is my second time reaching out and I am thankful to see that people want to reach out
.

JaimeJaime

He drinks in a normal fashion. I'm not capable of that, I realize at this point. But... I don't know if I can be with someone that drinks period. I need opinions....

BillyPilgrim

I am exactly the same as you.

Nearly a year on, I dont say that I have lost my social anxieties, it is what makes me me. I have learned to live with them, and quite frankly as I dont drink to excess (or even at all now) I have little to be anxious about.

Learning to be confident about sobriety does bolster your ego. You become a stronger person to others, you will be surprised how many people respect that. You can also talk about the positives that come with not drinking, and you will learn that there are lots and lots.

Coldfusion

My opinion of myself is that, especially in early recovery, the person I love must not drink. Would / could your husband support you if you went to detox or rehab for a week or a month?

Valll

Dear JaimeJaime (I am a french speaker so to me that reads of course I love I love:>)

anyway, I think most people can relate to being terrified of being in a room of relative strangers....I can for sure but it is all a question of learning how to relax in those situations.

The classic way is to imagine them all naked of course or on the loo :>)

I find it really really difficult to participate but I do, mainly to please people I love, but also in the end, I actually found that I can quite enjoy it, although always dread it...
I am sure this doesn't help :>) but I tried.

Val

Joe Nerv

The early days are the toughest. I got the strength to put one foot in front of the other by droppping on my knees, and in all honesty - begging a god I wasn't quite sure of, for help. And I wound up finding the means to somehow do whatever it was I needed to do. The fear and anxiety didn't magically disappear (although a few times it did), but I was always able to walk through it, and things got waaaaaaay better over time.

I'm not the most sociable person, and I found it much easier to get my butt to meetings with someone else. You can find that by reaching out for a sponsor, or just sharing at a meeting how you feel. Having another person next to me helped me feel a lot less self conscious.

I also forced myself into taking commitments. Well, my sponsor actually forced me into it. It gave me something I had to focus on (making coffee, greeting people, etc.) while I couldn't help but to meet and get to know new people.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Jamie

I think social anxiety after quitting is pretty normal - if it's debilitating tho, have you considered seeing your Dr or a counsellor?

D

TrixMixer

Hi Jaime,

I was diagnosed with "social anxiety" . Doctor put me on anti-depressants----WOW a world of difference. Perhaps see your Doc as Dee said.

JaimeJaime

I've learned the hard way, no. He always claimed he wanted me sober but when I started going to AA meetings, he seemed so resentful. That was the last thing I expected...