Grizzly84

Over the past week. The past month really all I have been thinking about is using. I really really dont want to, but I keep thinking about it and this scares me. I have been sober for almost 7 months. These thoughts seem to be getting worse not better. Just had to write it down. I will stay strong today. I will be ok. I hope.

Commited2Change

Grizzly think of your self worth. Is using worth all the hard work you have put in the last 7 months ?

Lets both be completely honest : after your high / buzz fades you will feel like crap.. And das if this time doesn't kill you..

You are worthy my brother!!!

MIRecovery

What besides will power are you doing to maintain your sobriety?

Thepatman

Have you found replacement activities to keep busy. I know that when I get bored I tend to have these momentary thoughts. They pass but I have to keep busy and do constructive things.

Natom

I felt really downtrodden for about 3 weeks recently Grizzly. I got myself to a couple of extra meetings and the feeling started lifting.

Natom.

Impurrfect

((Grizzly)) - Good for you on posting about it! For me, I'm lucky enough that I remember my relapse in vivid detail and it was pretty horrible. Nothing like a bit of clean time to make using totally suck, in every way possible.

When I would think of using, I'd just say "not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. I'd also remember WHY I was in recovery. I found, in time, I was at "next" without even realizing I'd had a thought of using until later. Amazing how the mind can help us if we let it.

Keep reading and posting - read stories of the newbies who are just coming in here and what using has done to them. It NEVER gets better if we go back out, only worse. My 2-week relapse almost cost me my life and my freedom and it DID cost me a slew of money. Sure, I got high, but in no time, the thoughts of remorse/shame/guilt came right back.

Oh, and FWIW, I had just planned to do a small amount. Yeah, that didn't work

You can get through this. Reach out for all the support you can get, keep yourself busy and remind yourself of why you chose recovery in the first place.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Deuce85

Your doing great keep it up

Grizzly84

Yeah I think I'm going to be fine it's just I get so paranoid about it. Then I think my body needs it. I have a lot of family support. My dads in recovery so whenever I have these thoughts I call him and talk about it. I don't go to meetings. I kicked methadone which they say is one of the hardest to do. I think I will be ok. I just come so far I don't want to mess it up. I work with a recovery coach an she says this is normal

Flyin2BFree

I am very new, but I had time at one time. One thing I never really learned was to identify that voice as not really being me. But my addiction out to get me. It's the AV, the beast trying to get me.

I just learned about this a few days ago, but knowing has made it very clear to hear the difference now.

It's not you, the real, and good you, that is pestering. It's just your Addictive voice trying to get you.

don't let. You are way too awesome for that!
Todd

gall1972

Take it from a DAY 4er that Day 1 is not fun... as a matter a fact its down right awful.

I bet it feel so much better to be at 6 month and several weeks / days then to be at day 1.

Gall

Grizzly84

Thanks everyone. I just feel so depressed and anxious. It seems like it is getting worse everyday. I keep reaching out to people. My recovery coach an family mostly. The feelings are still there. This one part of me just wants me to use but I do not. And the addict is stomping its feet. I just want to make it. I keep having thoughts like your body needs this. Your addiction is stronger than you. How are you going to make it through the day. These thoughts are tormenting you an they are not gonna quit. I just want to be successful an dont give in.