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Old 01-09-2013, 01:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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New here.. First time telling my story..


Hi all -

I woke up today and told myself finally that I need to control my problem. I've never talked to anyone about it... I've been drinking very heavily for the last 2-3 years, I am 26. It started when a boyfriend and I were breaking up. I was a bartender at that point. I started drinking there every night, getting more friendly with customers, getting too comfortable with a few men, ignoring my responsibilities. Then when I actually moved out, I lost my house, my son was only with me half time, lost my job, lost it all. I would drink a bottle of vodka a night.

Then I met the greatest guy.. We've been together for about 2 1/2 years and I couldn't be happier. But since then, I have this need to drink every night and its just out of control. I am a socially shy, awkward person. I am hard on myself alot at times because I'm not creative, I'm not funny often, I'm not strong willed and confident.. And I get those things when I drink...

But, now its to a point where I drink every time before sex because of the confidence and I fear that is hurting my relationship. I'm drinking to get drunk. Really drunk. I'm back to anywhere from a 1/4 to 1/2 bottle of sailor a night. I can't remember certain details of my nights sometimes, I've gained 20 lbs..

I'm basically tired of leaning on alcohol to get the confidence in myself that I SHOULD be able to get sober. I can feel it running me. I need it because I love the way it feels.

And for someone with such low self confidence, you ever wonder why alcohol makes you feel so good at the moment and the next day all you can think is what a f***g idiot I was? Thats me quite often.

Where do you start?
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome amandy. You start by doing what you did - owning the problem and reaching out for help. You never have to be alone in dealing with this.

When I was 26 I did the same thing - drank to feel more self-confident, to rise above my shyness. It worked for a few years - until it took over my life. (As you said, you can feel it 'running' you). Because I didn't stop, I reached my 50's still drinking. My life turned into a disaster. I never grew the way I should have. Every time there was a problem, my solution was to get numb. I wish I'd done what you're doing.

Congratuations on making this wise decision. We're glad to have you with us.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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26 sounds like your brighter than me I wanted to find a place to start stopping from early twenties and I found this place in my late forties. Walk away it will get worse stay here and life will soon start , and befor you know it you'll be flying sober.
You can do it.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome Amandy. I used to be an alcoholic. That was 22years ago. You start by making the decision to not pick up the first drink. You do whatever you have to do to insure that you don't. For me, 22years ago, that meant joining up with AA. Now, I know AA isn't for everyone, but it was all I knew to do at the time, and I wanted to be sober more than drunk and I wanted to learn how to live a life without alcohol so I went. Now.....I went for a year, I worked the steps and I haven't picked up booze since. The pills? They came much later.....after ten years of getting sober from booze, and I didn't start out abusing them, it just happened. And I was totally unaware of what was happening at the time it was begining. I am way more aware now. One step at a time honey. And I made lifestyle changes. I gave up all the old friends I drank with. I did whatever AA said I should do. I hope you do whatever it is that you feel you need to do too.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Like others said you start by admitting to yourself that you want to quit. No matter what course you take, that is the first and most important step. And it's the hardest. Be honest and people will help you, both here and in your everyday life. I'm here for my second go around, and you'll find none of us are perfect..so you don't have to be either. Welcome and let us know how we can help.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you all. This will be my first time attempting to stop other than when I was pregnant but, I didn't have an issue with alcohol then. I wish I could get back to that place.. Where a couple beers with a couple friends was no issue. You didn't abuse it, you had control. Where going to a friends to watch the game was fun in itself and if you had a beer or 2 it was just an added bonus. Where you went out with friends for a night and might have been a little tipsy but it was all in fun, it didn't end up in a blackout, the entire next day wasn't spent sick on the couch trying to force food into your mouth.. Looking forward to the positive changes, but not going to lie, a bit scared...
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I can actually feel my chest tensing and that nervous feeling just thinking about it. For those starting recovery, do you have issues with sleep? How did you deal with it?
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!! We are glad you are here
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I was a hard core drinker when I stopped. I never recall having any withdrawls. Ever.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I was a hard core drinker when I stopped. I never recall having any withdrawls. Ever.
You might just be a rare breed then!
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:01 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You might just be a rare breed then!
I was running full force into sobriety and the AA program. I wasn't looking back. Perhaps I was just so sidetracked with moving forward that I never noticed.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Amandy,

I am starting all over again..I have been drinking for 6 years heavily at night. I just had my liver enzymes checked and everything fine. Maybe we can do this together?
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:21 PM   #13 (permalink)
2 detoxes down, 0 to go
 
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I was running full force into sobriety and the AA program. I wasn't looking back. Perhaps I was just so sidetracked with moving forward that I never noticed.
I can't imagine anyone having physical withdrawals and not noticing. Some alcoholics never have withdrawals because their bodies are not chemically dependent on alcohol. This doesn't always correlate with amount consumed per night or total years of drinking. I never had physical withdrawals until my 14th or 15th (and final) year of drinking large quantities of vodka every day, but a friend had fairly substantial withdrawals after drinking just a few beers a night for a couple of years. Weird how everyone's bodies respond so differently.

Anyway, anyone having even minor physical withdrawals should speak to a doctor, as detoxing can be life-threatening.
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
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You start one day at a time. Don't drink today, then tomorrow do it all over again. That's how I did it anyway, just getting thru each day sober. Worked for me. I've got three years sober now and never felt better.
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I can actually feel my chest tensing and that nervous feeling just thinking about it. For those starting recovery, do you have issues with sleep? How did you deal with it?

The first time I quit, it was very much "cold turkey" due to a medical situation that scared me straight. I did have erratic sleep, night sweats(but I had those anyway before quitting), some twitchy, itchy legs, I recall, but mild. Just an overall jumpy or antsy feeling. I had terrible anxiety, but it was also related to my medical worries.

But, really, that leveled out pretty well after 2-3 weeks, and I did sleep, just not like I wish I would. It was till better waking up after a bad night's sleep than any day after drinking too much! Just keep that in mind.

My anxiety did hang on for awhile, but I suspect I have an anxiety disorder which was part of why I drank. Self medicating.

However, you do need to be mindful of withdrawals and maybe discuss the amount you drink with your doctor before quitting suddenly.

When I quit again recently, about 2 months ago, I did not have such issues. Maybe my sleep was not the best for a week or so. But my drinking then was possible moderate by some standards here, but wayyy too much for my health and I was seeing it escalate rapidly. So, I was not drinking so much every day, more on weekend and just a couple during the week.

Welcome.
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Old 01-09-2013, 08:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Yep insomnia... It's a pain but a small price to pay to be sober
It's 4am here in the UK, best try to catch some zzzzz's.
You are doing brilliantly, keep going!
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Old 01-09-2013, 10:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I have just 1 week sober Amandy and it gets easier. The first few nights it took me a long time to sleep because I felt anxious, kept checking the door was locked, tossing and turning. If I didn't feel tired I would sit up and read for 20 minutes, drink some warm milk and take deep breaths. You do still feel better in the morning after 3-4 hours of sober sleep than 9 of drunk passed out "sleep." This place is awesome for support, I don't think I would have made it this far without all the great posts. Good luck! I'm on this journey with you.
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:01 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I can't imagine anyone having physical withdrawals and not noticing. Some alcoholics never have withdrawals because their bodies are not chemically dependent on alcohol. This doesn't always correlate with amount consumed per night or total years of drinking. I never had physical withdrawals until my 14th or 15th (and final) year of drinking large quantities of vodka every day, but a friend had fairly substantial withdrawals after drinking just a few beers a night for a couple of years. Weird how everyone's bodies respond so differently.

Anyway, anyone having even minor physical withdrawals should speak to a doctor, as detoxing can be life-threatening.
Then I must not have had any WD. I drank heavily for years. Go figure.
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:45 AM   #19 (permalink)
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A visit to your family doctor can be a great way to really commit. Admitting to your doctor that you're alcohol dependent can be a great tonic itself.

Not all alcoholics needs medication to safely withdraw, but no one here is qualified to advise you. Seeing your doctor can get you off to a great and safe start.

Sleep gets hard the first few weeks but gets better, easier and deeper once your body gets used to be free of organic solvent it has always had to metabolize! If you start a good program, the anxiety gets under control as well.

The best part of recovery, is you're not alone. We've all been through or are getting through the early days together. All the best!
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