jazzfish

I used to go to AA long ago, but I never took to the program. I now find that I would like to be part of a supportive group. AA would be a very convenient choice due to its extensive network. However, at this point, I am nervous I would be pressured to work the 12 steps. I have also not been able to find any alternative support groups near me. I like this online forum but, frankly, it is just too easy to BS or disappear. I need more accountability. Has anyone else used AA solely for support, but not really undertaken the steps?

LadyinBC

I personally don't see anything wrong with going there if you want support only. Whatever works to keep someone sober is okay in my books!

neferkamichael

Jazzfish, tomorrow I'm 2 years 7 months sober and attend AA meetings regularly. I go for the support and the fellowship. The 12 steps are "recommended" not required. The only requirement to be a member of an AA group is the desire to stop drinking.

aasharon90

We learn to live the steps so we
can use and incorperate them in
my everyday affairs, jobs, families,
etc.

The steps are used to live by each
day just as the 10 commandments
are.

hamabi

It's the most common approach, and what I've seen almost all new people take.

I've had the pleasure of knowing lots of members for many years who chose to follow the uncommon path, but unless they do something unusual like that the faces rotate out too quickly to get noticed.

So no, you won't feel like you're the odd man there. No one can or wants to require you to do anything you choose not to do. Members prefer to help and give their time to those who want and ask for help.

It'll quite likely be no different than your last experience was, and for however long you choose to attend you'll be warmly welcomed. Members know very well how it is out there, and encourage whatever you may feel up to doing to help yourself.

Joe Nerv

A lot of people go to AA and don't work the steps. If you feel pressured anywhere, then find another meeting. There are meetings around me where you'll rarely hear anything at all about the steps, and there are meetings where you might not feel as comfortable. There are a few things that might lead to you feeling pressured however... first, being if you go to step meetings. If you're not interested, then go to beginners, open, and closed discussion meetings. Second, if you speak of your reluctance to working the steps, you are most likely going to attract people that are going to question you as to why. And third, if you are struggling with anything on a regular basis, finding no relief, and refusing to look at or get involved with the steps... well, it is the answer we have to the problems that ail us. And for those of us who practice them, it works. There is lots of "fellowshipping" to be had at AA meetings. Some people avoid those meetings the same as you might want to avoid step meetings. Search for a group you're comfortable in.

omegasupreme

I really wanted AA to work without the steps. They seemed scary and overwhelming. Consequently i didn't work them and consequently I stayed drunk for an additional 6 months making sometimes 2-3 meetings a day.

So, then I surrendered, partially. I was surrendered by booze and dope to booze and dope. I wanted that gone and was willing to do some work. So after about 5 months dry on just meetings, coffee, and cigarettes I got a sponsor and began my first journey through the steps. The drink problem was removed but I would soon find out I had a living problem.

That living problem is what sent me back into the steps again. It's spooky when 18 months sober I'm still doing the same stuff I was doing when I was drinking just without the booze. I said this aiin't fun no more, some of this stuff has to go or I go...and I nearly went.

Around the two year mark I was surrendered again. Surrendered of my new old ideas after tons of futility and frustration. Ultimately the quantity of my belligerent denial that covers those two (futility and frustration) is what prevents me from partaking in the steps. The steps ultimately provide freedom from that bondage. Freedom I never knew was possible.

Can you stay sober off of just meetings? I see lots do it. Are they happy with life? I don't get to decide that. I have to look at my history and what has worked for me...and sitting on the rear of my behind typically never works for me. I have to mine it...day by day.

2granddaughters

Please Google and read AA's "How It Works" where it says "Half measures availed us nothing"

I tried for 20 yrs to find a way around that statement and everything turned out watered down and ineffective.

All the best.

Bob R

Mark75

Of course... the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking.

I think you'll find those who are happiest and at peace and the ones you want to hang with probably worked the steps, at least to some extent.

If you are pressured, just tell them you aren't ready yet. But, please do....Go!! Listen and Learn...

RobbyRobot

I think you're being realistic about being pressured to work those 12 steps. Its unlikely you'll just be left to fellowship, and imo, that is a good thing, although I'm not one for pressuring others, I'm certainly not one for turning a blind eye or a deaf ear to any AA member. The program works, and if your at an AA meeting, I would have no problem in both suggesting how it could work for you, and also how it already works for me.

If your serious about not wanting to work the program, for whatever reason, that is perfectly fine. I just don't believe you'll be left alone enough to have it your way, you know? I see you becoming more and more unsatisfied and defensive with your AA attendance.

Perhaps a better way would be to attend some open AA meetings, talk with the chairperson, and invite yourself out to some coffee meetings which follow many AA meetings. These 'unofficial meetings' are very informal and very friendly, and here you'll likely have an eager fellowship of friendlies no problemo.

As for peer reviewed accountability, you'll be required to at least be recognised as a peer by your peers... not doing the AA program while hanging out with AA people will not be enough to secure real peer reviews which hold you to account for yourself, I'm thinking.

What to do?

Take an honest look at why you are asking for all the benefits of AA without the responsibilites of AA? Do you see how I'm calling you to account even now?



Hey, great question.

:ghug3

Natom

I've seen people to come to the rooms purely for support. The ones that didn't bother working the 12 steps didn't hang around for long though.

Natom.

bbthumper

You are of course a member of the fellowship if you have the desire to stop drinking. You dont even have to meet that requirement to attend meetings. Many of us went to our first meetings without a desire to stop.
But, IMHO you'd be selling yourself short by not working to get what the program has to offer. What do you have to lose?
Best wishes to you.

FamilyMan2153

I like going to my meetings. Just go Jazzfish. Don't worry about the steps but do listen and learn. When I go there are times when I hear great stuff that really helps me and other times, well, not as much. You will get out of it what you put in. At some point, don't be afraid to talk at the meeting. Most people, like me, are right where you are at now. If it is a good group they will be understanding.

Ohio1

It is unlikely you will be pressured to do anything in AA- its just a group of people who all want to stop drinking. As for asking for advice or talking over coffee before/after the meetings the vast majority of people will be telling you to give the steps a good honest shot which is probably good advice.

wpainterw

People are different. AA groups are different. There are various types: e.g. discussion, beginners, agnostics, speakers, gay, womens', mens', professionals, doctors, lawyers. The list goes on and on. If you went to a speakers meeting the likelihood would be that you would merely sit and listen unless you wanted to say something. You could also do that in a discussion meeting but the group would probably eventually expect you to say something. If you said, "I pass" I doubt any group would tell you not to come back. They certainly should not do this.
I suggest that you just go and watch for a while and see what goes on. If you feel uncomfortable then you might choose another group. I personally decided to see what good stuff I could get out of AA and I sure got a lot, along with sobriety! But I was not what you call a conventional AA person. A rehab worker once looked at me skeptically as if to imply that I would never make it unless I adhered to the strict doctrine. Her prediction has thus far not come true, since I've been sober for over 24 years. But there's always the possibility that she'll be proved right in the end. With the passage of the years death becomes a greater probability than relapse. Death is sobriety in a distinctly permanent form. Maybe SR can keep me on the straight path!

W.

thegoodlife

Go to the meetings. I was almost a year sober before I got a sponsor. I am doing the steps, but at my pace. I started working the steps a year ago, and just this week finished my 5th step. I spent most of that time just on the 4th step. And like all told me, I do feel better, imagine that, they new what they were talking about!

Here is what Dr, Bob had to say about the steps in his farewell talk:

"There are two or three things that flashed into my mind on which it would be fitting to lay a little emphasis. One is the simplicity of our program. Let's not louse it all up with Freudian complexes and things that are interesting to the scientific mind, but have very little to do with our actual A.A. work. Our Twelve Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve themselves into the words “love” and “service.” We understand what love is, and we understand what service is. So let's bear those two things in mind."

wpainterw

Sobriety is a gift which someone or some thing has placed in my hand. The power to return to my real home, where I was before all that happened. To make it last pass it on, with the love which comes from shared misfortune, shared grief, shared rescue, shared recovery.

W.

Twenties

The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Period.

Go if you want, and maybe one day you will be interested in working the steps..

ACT10Npack

Everyone has a different path to stay sober. If you don't want to go to AA, there is also SOS, SMART Program and Rational Recovery. There are a lot of programs out there to choice you just have to do a search on it. I hope you find something that works and makes you happy.

TheEnd

You could probably pull that off for a while. When I was going I worked the steps very slowly and only made it to Step 6. While I was going, my partner also went and he never did a thing, never identified, worked a step, or read a sentence. When I left, he did also and the result was......nobody missed him when he was gone. While some people called and looked for me, nobody did this for him, because nobody really knew who he was. So while he enjoyed the meetings, he still wasn't accountable, which is what I think you're lookng for.