Am I convinced
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Am I convinced
Well I had to get honest with myself, but it took many years ....
When I was 19 yrs. old Yep, I totaled out a cop car and still thought I was ok, that I was to young to be an alkie. That bad things like those the people in the meeting had suffered had not happened to me yet....
Sure wish I had a glimpse of what was to come over the next 30 yrs.Oh Boy!....
I didn't want to look at all the stuff I did while I drank. I didn't think I was as bad as some people. I still had a job and a truck and a house....
My kid was smart, my house was clean and well maintained.I did it up good on holidays with decorations and lots of presents. To the outside world I looked like the All American mom....
I prayed every morning that I didn't do something I regretted.I walked in such complete fear the next day waiting to see how my hubby and son were gonna react to me cuz I couldn't remember what I did or said....
If they didn't say nothing, I was good to go...
If they did I spent the whole day trying to absolve my guilt.By making dinner, or giving son 20 bucks, or take him to the movie. Anything to get rid of that awful feeling inside....
It didn't really work but I used it as an excuse to drink again the next night, cuz hey look what I did for you....
It kept me in denial for almost 30 yrs. I did get sober for 2 1/2 yrs twice but never worked the program like I do today.....
I sure hope you don't go out there as long as I did. They say the ends are always the same Jails, Institutions and death....
I had all three 7 jails, 5 detoxes, 4 treatment centers , 4 psych wards and a nursing home for 2 mo.....
I was one sick puppy....
Today I have to ask myself some questions to break through that denial....
Can I stop at one drink?.
Have I made plans to do something but once I picked up a drink I was unable to follow through?...
What have I done in the past that I would never had done if I was sober?..
Did I say things I regret?.....
Did I lie?...
Did I plan my day around drinking?
Did I get in my vehicle and drive intoxicated?...
Did I have legal troubles?
Did I suffer injuries due to drinking?,,,
Yah I would say a resounding yes to all those questions and a lot more...
I tried to commit suicide11 mo. ago.
I am convinced nothing good awaits me If I drink again..
When I was 19 yrs. old Yep, I totaled out a cop car and still thought I was ok, that I was to young to be an alkie. That bad things like those the people in the meeting had suffered had not happened to me yet....
Sure wish I had a glimpse of what was to come over the next 30 yrs.Oh Boy!....
I didn't want to look at all the stuff I did while I drank. I didn't think I was as bad as some people. I still had a job and a truck and a house....
My kid was smart, my house was clean and well maintained.I did it up good on holidays with decorations and lots of presents. To the outside world I looked like the All American mom....
I prayed every morning that I didn't do something I regretted.I walked in such complete fear the next day waiting to see how my hubby and son were gonna react to me cuz I couldn't remember what I did or said....
If they didn't say nothing, I was good to go...
If they did I spent the whole day trying to absolve my guilt.By making dinner, or giving son 20 bucks, or take him to the movie. Anything to get rid of that awful feeling inside....
It didn't really work but I used it as an excuse to drink again the next night, cuz hey look what I did for you....
It kept me in denial for almost 30 yrs. I did get sober for 2 1/2 yrs twice but never worked the program like I do today.....
I sure hope you don't go out there as long as I did. They say the ends are always the same Jails, Institutions and death....
I had all three 7 jails, 5 detoxes, 4 treatment centers , 4 psych wards and a nursing home for 2 mo.....
I was one sick puppy....
Today I have to ask myself some questions to break through that denial....
Can I stop at one drink?.
Have I made plans to do something but once I picked up a drink I was unable to follow through?...
What have I done in the past that I would never had done if I was sober?..
Did I say things I regret?.....
Did I lie?...
Did I plan my day around drinking?
Did I get in my vehicle and drive intoxicated?...
Did I have legal troubles?
Did I suffer injuries due to drinking?,,,
Yah I would say a resounding yes to all those questions and a lot more...
I tried to commit suicide11 mo. ago.
I am convinced nothing good awaits me If I drink again..
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alcohol wants us dead but not before it destroys everything and everybody we cherish. For a long time I thought I was condemed to a long slow alcoholic death. I would wake up in the morning and be sad I had not died in my sleep. I tried it all but nothing worked. Then one day I surrendered and gave up fighting. By the grace of God I heard what AA had been saying for years. There was a loud popping sound when my head came out of my a$$ and I saw there was another way.
Today there is true happiness and contentment. On many day's even serenity. AA saved my life plain and simple.
Today there is true happiness and contentment. On many day's even serenity. AA saved my life plain and simple.
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