Trying to get back on the wagon
 

Hey
I figured that I should reach out for some advice or what not from those who understand what I'm going through and don't know me so I get more of an objective approach.

So a small overview of me. I started using marijuana, I say used because I never did drugs - I always used them to escape, when I was 15. I smoked everyday almost immediately after the first day. I was drinking with friends on the weekend around 14. At seventeen I found percocets and Oxys took off in my town, we all found them in the cabinet and would eat oxy 20s and I felt like I was at home. I stopped and them continued to smoke then did coke at eighteen for six months until I went to college then put it down to focus on school and play hockey (for which I was on scholarship for) long story short, I got over prescribed, started scoring Roxys, selling Roxys, and from 18 to 23 now I'm shooting dope. In the last year I have been in three detoxes, one long term treatment, and got 8 months before I went back. I AMAed out of the one detox but finally got clean, did NA, spoke at speaker jams and loved life. I made one bad choice and now I'm back to square one. I had that sweet taste of recovery and I want it back but have to break the cycle. I got out of detox a month of go and relapsed quickly. Now I messed up yesterday and my parents want me to go away. I feel like if I give up my car, bank, everything and live a supervised life and get dropped off at meetings, do an Iop or php, therapist, I can get back on the bandwagon. I really want too but going away ill give up a lot of things I care about. So what have other people done? I know once I get some days and get my confidence back ill be flying high again (without drugs).

Thanks for reading and hopefully for support and feedback. But what have other people done? I just keep digging a hole and I'm ready to climb out. I just don't wanna give up my career in the mean time and wanna be with my family. I am sick of what I keep doing to myself and those who care about me. But I'm tired if being a jerk and just emotionally spent.

Hi and welcome pucksniper :)

I was a common or garden variety alcoholic but I think we all have to make choices - sometimes those choices necessitate us giving up or compromising on other things though.

I had to make some pretty sweeping changes - mostly to do with my social circle, but I was prepared to do what ever it took because my drinking was killing me.

I tried to stay sober without giving anything up or changing anything - I couldn't do it, PS.

I guess the question for you is - what are you prepared to do?

D

I too had to make some life changes. I quit my job and moved in with my daughter and her family. I got rid of almost everything except my bedroom stuff. Also there are some things I won't do anymore, like go out with girls from the industry I worked in. I keep people around me that are supportive.

The job was too stressful and at the end of the day, my sobriety is more important. I am trying to make my life more simple and uncomplicated especially for the 1st year. I will probably find a part time job and might back to school.

Welcome to SR! :ghug3 You'll find a lot of support and good advice here.:)

While a supervised life can help, especially getting over that first hurdle, ultimately you need to want to make changes and be determined to do what you need to do to stay clean. I never went to rehab myself but I can see how hard it must be to have that level of support disappear when you have to go back to the real world. I was lucky, I never lost my job or home to drink and most people didn't know I had a problem. I just did what I normally did and pretended everything was fine while I was getting sober. I was a wreck. I was lucky to not have any debilitating withdrawals and managed to keep going to work despite feeling really sick and having quite interesting emotional responses. Outside of the stuff I had to do the only thing I concentrated on was staying sober. Still like that months down the line. But I didn't have to take time out of my work life to do it. It was tough but possible. For me anyway. I think you know really what level of support you need. If you think you need to take time out then maybe that's what you need to do x