Kind of taken off guard...
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
That would catch me off guard too, not a nice thing to say, and taken from a sober perspective, utterly ridiculous. I 'functioned' as an alcoholic so was able to go out and have a few drinks with friends and colleagues, they just didn't see the drinking I did afterwards. When I got sober I still had to go to the pub a few times and my boss always gave me a hard time for not drinking. No one ever answered my question... 'How will drinking make me more fun exactly?'. I was just as sociable sober, and seeing as I had a high tolerance those few drinks didn't make me drunk or change my personality...
Nope, the only reason people give you a hard time for not drinking is because they have a drink problem themselves, on whatever level. I did it all the time, seeing who was keeping up with me, making sure I only associated with big drinkers. All very subtle but I manipulated the situation to fit me in, and if it didn't work I just went and drank on my own. I was out with a drinking friend not long ago, who turned to me and said, 'I don't like it, this you being sober' to which I said 'Well that's your problem, not mine'. He gave me a big hug and carried on drinking... you're not responsible for other people's feelings.
Early on comments like that from people made me feel like I was going insane, like I had to learn to 'control' my drinking. It did me good to avoid those people as much as possible and strengthen my connection with other alcoholics. Normal people don't get it and a lot of drinkers are stuck in the same trap we were. There is absolutely no reason you have to drink. It might feel like that sometimes but it ain't true.
Keep going on sober Sophie and avoid this person if you can. Sounds like you're doing fab xxx
Nope, the only reason people give you a hard time for not drinking is because they have a drink problem themselves, on whatever level. I did it all the time, seeing who was keeping up with me, making sure I only associated with big drinkers. All very subtle but I manipulated the situation to fit me in, and if it didn't work I just went and drank on my own. I was out with a drinking friend not long ago, who turned to me and said, 'I don't like it, this you being sober' to which I said 'Well that's your problem, not mine'. He gave me a big hug and carried on drinking... you're not responsible for other people's feelings.
Early on comments like that from people made me feel like I was going insane, like I had to learn to 'control' my drinking. It did me good to avoid those people as much as possible and strengthen my connection with other alcoholics. Normal people don't get it and a lot of drinkers are stuck in the same trap we were. There is absolutely no reason you have to drink. It might feel like that sometimes but it ain't true.
Keep going on sober Sophie and avoid this person if you can. Sounds like you're doing fab xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Who is this person to you?
Many heavy drinkers find the situation very uncomfortable to be around as it focuses ther thoughts on there problem.
How dangerous it could have been.
Just so you know when people I know talk about non drinking friends or colleagues it's always done with respect for the hurdle they have jumped over or just a matter of fact.
My advice avoid avoid avoid if possible the danger signs are waving furiously around.
Keep on being sober,
John.
Many heavy drinkers find the situation very uncomfortable to be around as it focuses ther thoughts on there problem.
How dangerous it could have been.
Just so you know when people I know talk about non drinking friends or colleagues it's always done with respect for the hurdle they have jumped over or just a matter of fact.
My advice avoid avoid avoid if possible the danger signs are waving furiously around.
Keep on being sober,
John.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Tasmania, Australia
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by sofie 
After expressing to a friend who drinks (quite a lot, but functions), how much better I feel being sober and how sobriety is the integral reason that I am handling my closest family members terminal illness, this person tried to convince me that I don't have a problem, I just need to learn how to have more self control. I asked why someone would say that to a person (me) who is finally feeling- grounded, level headed, secure and better about myself than I have in years even though I am experiencing the most traumatic event I have ever endured- by far- and in the past would have turned to alcohol and been a total wreck and probably would have destroyed my family. This person said I am unrealistic and said that eventually I would have to learn how to drink socially because being a non drinker makes colleagues and friends feel uncomfortable in social settings that you "have" to attend. I asked what is so bad about being sober and happy and why wouldn't people encourage that?!? The response was something to the effect that it is frowned upon by certain social groups (society stuff). Is this weird? I don't associate with a lot of people (and prior to that my social life was with big drinkers). This just seemed odd to me and wonder if others have peer pressure to drink and experience discouragement rather than encouragement? Maybe a weird question, but it caught me off guard...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 133
Thank everyone so much for the wisdom shared. It really helped bring clarity for this incident and future ones. In the past I was quick to give into situations like this- I would get that, "oh one can't hurt" or wanted to blend or just didn't have the strength to say no or whatever the case might have been, but having felt what I feel in sobriety, I will continue to pray that I will remember it is not worth it at so many levels.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
My closest friend when I quit tried to convince me I was not an alcoholic. She had no idea how much I was drinking. I think it may have felt threatening to her as well. We were drinking buddies of course.
A year later I find no one is very interested in what is in my glass.
The friendship did evaporate with the alcohol, it was the only thing we ever did.
A year later I find no one is very interested in what is in my glass.
The friendship did evaporate with the alcohol, it was the only thing we ever did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
"Misery loves company" comes to mind. There will be those who envy what you are doing and try and make you feel uncomfortable. But being comfortable in one's own skin is what sobriety is all about and recovery for that matter. Do what you have to do to stay sober & get happy in your new skin. Consider the source...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 133
Great reality check I needed. So glad I found SR by dumb luck. It is a blessing to find such encouragement and positive energy- not being corny, that is how I feel. It is great to find myself- I was skeptical at first, but sobriety is the best gift I can give to myself so I can in turn give to others. Very grateful!!
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