Fallow

Hi all. Happy to be here and still be sober. Ive been really stuck in anxiety, fear, and the like since yesterday. Cant seem to stay in today no matter what I do! Couldnt yesterday either.

I keep thinking that all the work Im putting in at meetings, here, with my sponsor... Is really gonna work this time. I have the willingness. I just keep wondering what life is gonna look like, as the addict life has been the only one Ive known.

I havent had a drink, drug or cigarette in a month on tuesday. Physically I feel so much better..Its night and day. Emotionally I have been doing great, up until yesterday when I got stuck in my own head. Im not thinking of picking up. Not at all. Ive talked with my sponsor, been to meetings, cleaned, worked on hobbies, rested, meditated, prayed, watched movies...you name it in the past two days but I feel like Im running away from myself. Its hard to explain.

Anyhow I just needed to vent and see if this helps. Anyone been in this spot b4 pls chime in..

Sapling

It gets better...Trust me...Keep moving forward!

hypochondriac

I think it's that leap of faith thing. You're not running away from anything, your standing and fighting. You might not know what life is gonna look like yet but it will be so much better than what you're used to. Don't over think this, it'll all work itself out x

beherenow

Life can be that way. Hang in there, this too shall pass

Dee74

Like I just said to someone else - we drank for years, Fallow.
Give your recovery time to bloom

D

courage2

Hi Fallow -- can't help with "been there before and got through it" because I'm a total newbie -- just want to thank you for posting this. Sometimes other people's posts seem so positive and make it sound easy. But at 21 days I'm very fearful. Thanks for being honest about your state.

Sapling

I heard this when I was getting started....It will be a life you couldn't have imagined was possible....And I had a hard time believing that. It's true. Keep working it.

Maylie

We all feel that way one way or another.

You are doing all the right things, just keep up the good work, this too shall pass. Maybe you just need a good lay on the couch and watch silly movies night? That helps to clear my head sometimes.

vegibean

Certainly sobriety feels better and it's great that you're working the steps, but what about counseling? If you are feeling anxiety I am wondering what is causing it, what happened to you in your past? Most addicts become addicts because of stressful situations, abuse, PTSD. A sponsor is great, but they're not a counselor and if you have past issues that you have not dealt with yet, that can hold you back from moving forward and being happy and having inner peace. Good luck!!

quitforme79

Hey fallow..I am coming up on 2 months and have been feeling the same way! Like you said, I don't want to drink (though I still get some urges it's not obsessive) but I feel like I am just trying to get away from myself. I have a lot to deal with right now and I am used to coping by getting drunk...figure that's maybe why I have been feeling down. Actually dealing with life sober is not easy business. But like others on here said, we just have to have faith in the process and trust it gets better. I keep looking toward the future and picturing myself sober and having overcome my present obstacles. Imagery? Whatever helps right? LOL I hope you feel better hang in there

Sapling

I don't know if you saw this post...Tells it like it is.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ving-life.html

artsoul

I agree with what everyone's said..... it's a bump in the road, though it doesn't always feel like it at the time! Part of it could even be physical: you might want to take a look at the symptoms of PAWS. I found this link really helpful:
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies

Hang in there!:ghug3

Hevyn

Fallow, Not to sound discouraging - but I felt that way on & off for the first few months. Every day was a little better, though - the intensity lessened. Those feelings left me all together at some point. You're doing great, give yourself chance to heal. Be proud.

lilac0721

Hi fallow, I'm in that same anxiety/fear/depression place. Except for me, I get in that place and can't stay away from the first drink for more than a couple of days and end up on a 2-3 day binge. Good for you for staying away from the first drink! And you did get out of your head...you came here and spoke your truth. I forgot how much that helps. I did that both here and in an AA meeting today. And confessed my recent binges and missing work to my husband.

So sharing helped this alcoholic get through another day without a drink, and even eased some chest-crushing anxiety. And you sharing your feelings helped me. Thank you.

Fallow

Thanks so much for the support everyone

Fallow

Im still out of sorts but I communicated how Im feeling with my wife, and Im gonna lay here and rest for awhile. The stress and raw emotions have gotten to where I feel almost physically sick. I know it will pass, its just a roller coaster right now.

I am in therapy, both individual and marriage. I dont think theres another tool to add at this stage

I think I realize this is gonna take a long time for my mind body and emotions to heal as I definitely drank and drugged for years. Funny how I think I should feel flawless in a month

Thanks for letting me know Im not alone out here. These forums and all of you are so wonderful.

Sapling

Just take care of today Fallow.

Fallow

Thanks for that link Sapling, very inspirational!

Fallow

And Artsoul thanks too. PAWS! 2 Years! Thats scary stuff. Right now Ive got every symptom on that list . I better clear my calendar lol.

I will take care of today. I can still laugh and play with my daughter so life is good enough.

Dee74

My PAWs experience was nothing like two years Fallow - I think, like anything, there's probably a lot of individual PAWs stories

D