1sttimestepper

we broke up a few days ago after we had a huge fight and I pushed her into a table. Having spent some time searching within I committed to AA and have increased my therapy sessions to twice a week. I'm attending meeting and reading the big book. I'm racked with guilt and don't for one second think this is an easy road. I'm not a daily drinker so I've no cravings yet. I'm emotional right now because I've caused her so much hurt as well as the realization that I've no control over my drunk self!
I'm struggling with letting her go. I keep hearing thirteenth step but I think since we were in a relationship before it isn't the same. We had very little problems before this and drink was never an issue.

Am I to let her go and do this alone? Currently we have agreed to not talk for one whole week do we can think without pressure from the other, two days left and I just want to hold her.

vegibean

You don't 13 step your gf btw. I do think you should take the break for a week, stay away from each other, you need to do some good things for yourself. I am just starting back and I am going to focus on me, go to therapy. I have been sober for almost five years and relapsed. You gotta take care of you, and if you don't pick up, your relationship can maybe come back together. Good luck to you!! :ghug3

vegibean

PS - I feel for you on the "I just want to hold her."

Maylie

Welcome to SR,

IMO, the best thing to do right now is focus on yourself. Until we solve the underlying reasons why we drink/use, we cannot give our partners what they truely need. You might not have meant to push her into the table, and you might know how wrong it was and be riddled with guilt, but the truth is it happened..and what if it happens again but is more serious next time?

Take this time apart to reflect on your actions and to throw yourself fully into recovery. During the first few months true recovery we can't be a good partner to our other, since we haven't fully figured out how to be good to ourselves yet. Work on your recovery and overcoming your addiction, and then and only then will you be able to fix your relationship. I'm happy to hear you are in individual counseling, counseling can be a life savor if taken seriously.

Dee74

I think you probably need to focus on yourself for now...I also think you need to let your gf be too.

I'm not judging you, cos we've all done things we were ashamed of when drinking, but pushing someone into a table is something I think would give a lot of us pause for thought.

Respect the week. See what happens after that.