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Sick and Tired of Drinking

Old 01-05-2013, 11:20 AM
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Sick and Tired of Drinking

This is Day One for me.

I rarely drank, even in my 20s, because my dad was an alcoholic and I hated alcohol. That all changed by the time I turned about 30 when I entered my 2nd serious relationship with a woman who turned out to be an abusive alcoholic (I'm not going to go on blaming her- I made plenty of bad choices that I am responsible for). As a coping mechanism I started drinking frequently. Now I drink every night. It's just ridiculous.

Today I am single and in my early 40s. I have a good job. Lots of other opportunities to further my career that I am pursuing on my spare time. Not much social life, but I do devote a lot of quality time with booze. I've convinced myself that I am a wine connoisseur and can go on about my appreciation for different regions and varietals, but now I am realizing it is just a scheme and excuse for me to drink.

I'm lucky that I might be considered a highly functional alcoholic. But I know something is wrong if I prefer what precious little free time I have to drink a bottle of wine by myself at home on a friday night instead of going out and socializing or catching up with friends who wonder where the hell I am. Many of my friends spend their time drinking while hanging out- so that is something I'll have to figure out.

-Unhappy Hour
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:29 AM
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Hi there, you are making wise choices in your life right now. Drinking "friends" sometimes need to be left behind. It is not easy but there are actually plenty of people that don't drink. For now spending sober time alone is a great opportunity to get to know yourself again and reflect.
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:50 AM
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A fresh start

Congratulations on your decision to stop poisoning yourself. Take the time to detox and try to avoid situations that might cause you to revert to your old ways.

I would like to suggest that you take a serious look at your friendships and honestly evaluate each of them. Are these people 'drinking buddies' or true friends?

It's not easy to walk away from people you consider friends but your health and well being need to be your #1 priority now. In time, once you are confident in your sobriety, you may realize that your idea of what a true friend is has changed.

Good Luck!
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Old 01-05-2013, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by UnhappyHour View Post
This is Day One for me.

I rarely drank, even in my 20s, because my dad was an alcoholic and I hated alcohol. That all changed by the time I turned about 30 when I entered my 2nd serious relationship with a woman who turned out to be an abusive alcoholic (I'm not going to go on blaming her- I made plenty of bad choices that I am responsible for). As a coping mechanism I started drinking frequently. Now I drink every night. It's just ridiculous.

Today I am single and in my early 40s. I have a good job. Lots of other opportunities to further my career that I am pursuing on my spare time. Not much social life, but I do devote a lot of quality time with booze. I've convinced myself that I am a wine connoisseur and can go on about my appreciation for different regions and varietals, but now I am realizing it is just a scheme and excuse for me to drink.

I'm lucky that I might be considered a highly functional alcoholic. But I know something is wrong if I prefer what precious little free time I have to drink a bottle of wine by myself at home on a friday night instead of going out and socializing or catching up with friends who wonder where the hell I am. Many of my friends spend their time drinking while hanging out- so that is something I'll have to figure out.

-Unhappy Hour
Hi Unhappy Hour,

Well you have reached that phase of alcoholism where your best friend is now the bottle. You would rather stay home with that bottle then venture out. You are going into isolation mode. If you want to make really good use of the time you spend alone, now might be the perfect time to stop drinking.

Socializing and catching up with friends will not be what it was after you get sober, so it is good that you have already made the break. They are and will always be identified by your addiction as the "drunk" friends. Letting go of that life is not always easy, but you are half way there already, now just put down the bottle, and eventually you will make New friends. You won't be stuck in the house with your alcohol for company, and might actually enjoy getting out again.

I will always suggest at least an addiction counselor or doctor for supervision during your road to recovery and sobeiety.

Good Luck to you and keep us posted,

Trixmixer
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Old 01-05-2013, 12:35 PM
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I too had an alcoholic father. I swore I'd never be like him. I didn't start abusing alcohol until I was 35.

5 years later I was looking in the mirror one morning and my Dad was staring back at me.

I got sober on my 40th birthday. It was hard and painful and complicated. But I am worth the fight! So are you.

Welcome and best of luck!

Last edited by IWillWin; 01-05-2013 at 12:38 PM. Reason: Oops! Premature reply!
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:18 PM
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Hi unhappy

I did not really drink in my late teens or twenties.
In fact I was 29 when I did.

But I think that it progressed pretty fast.
A few on a friday and saturday, soon was every night.
One or two glasses turned into a bottle. Then vodka.
By 35 I was a bit of a frazzled mess.

Now I quietly smile when people talk about fine wine.
It's all alcohol whether its booze out of a brown paper bag on the street or from an impressive bottle with a cork in a 5 star hotel.
We drink it for the same reasons!

I hope you stick around and post.
I learnt a lot here about alcohol and it's got me 327 days sober.
For once I am proud of myself.

Nice to meet you xx
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:40 PM
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Welcome to the family! And congrats on giving up alcohol. I too drank alone and came to depend on the bottle to be my life. So not worth it... I'm three years sober now and enjoying my life for the first time in quite a while. You can too.
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:25 PM
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Welcome Unhappy. I think you'll find many great suggestions here, and it definitely helps not to feel alone.

I was very isolated when I finally quit. I drank all day. There was no joy in it, no fun - I never felt high or happy in the end. It really steals everything from us. I'm glad you've decided not to live that way any more. There's a better life waiting for you.
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:40 PM
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Welcome UnhappyHour.....love your username

My dad and grandfather were both alcoholic. I didn't begin drinking till I was 45, but took to it pretty fast! I'm 55 now, and had become a daily drinker the last few years. I liked to "dress up my drinking" with goblets and lighting candles etc., but it was just a camouflage. I felt resentful of anything that made me be out of the house in the evenings, as it interfered with my wine drinking, which began at 4 pm.

I quit alcohol last June. I don't even miss it anymore....hard to believe, but it's the truth. I haven't spent time with the friends I drank with, at first to not tempt me, but now, I'm not sure I have that much in common with them.

I've changed and so has my life. The tradeoffs have been totally worth it and I'll never go back to drinking.
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:07 PM
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This has been a TEST

Thank you EVERYONE for your words of support, encouragement, and wisdom. It brought a tear to my eye to read the shared experiences of those of you who also had alcoholic parents. It's great to know there are people out there who totally understand where I'm coming from. Perhaps "great" is not the best choice of words, but you get what I mean!

Holy cow I picked quite the day to quit.

Just got back from visiting my mom for her birthday. On the way to dinner we stopped at the cemetery to visit my father's grave. It came up in conversation that he had heart troubles that led to complications when he had a simple infection, which led to an untimely, unexpected death. Part of me was thinking- I know he had heart troubles that were directly related to his heavy drinking, but I did not want to bring it up and put my mom through that. Not on her birthday.

We went to her dinner and of course there were all kinds of exotic wines and beers to be had. As aware as I was of the alcohol at the table, I can honestly say I had no desire to have any.

Then I came home. Normally I would be moving in haste to break open a bottle of wine. All that lost time being out in public and socializing! But instead I returned a phone call of a very close friend, and we talked for a couple of hours. Somehow the conversation led to my ex that I had mentioned in my first post, and my friend wanted to know the details of what had happened in the relationship and why things had gone wrong, etc. Not pleasant stuff to be discussing on a Saturday night. On any other day, today's experiences would be rife with reason to drown out these thoughts with some wine. I still have some lovely Pinots at rest in the cabinet. But somehow tonight I just know that that is a false promise of comfort and I am not going to give in. I'd like to imagine my dad pulled some strings upstairs to engineer today's proceedings.

Now I have to figure out... how am I going fall asleep tonight?
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:13 PM
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I put on xa-speakers.org and listen to a recorded AA talk...

I used it to drown out the thoughts in early recovery and now it's a little night time story.....
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:14 PM
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spend some time on this board looking around....read about others' experiences, maybe you'll start to get sleepy. if you are a believer in any kind of higher power, this might be a good time to ask it to calm you so you can sleep & put a sober day behind you. if you aren't....maybe some kind of meditation or quiet time?

good luck, keep coming around here!!
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:37 PM
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Unhappy Hour,
I too had alcoholic parents and hated being around them. I planned their interventions. I helped my brother get through a crack addiction.

When I was 35, I had gastric bypass and I substituted a glass of wine for dessert. I was able to do that for about 1.5 years and it escalated. Wine and beer went through me so quickly that I could drink quickly. But, I would appear tipsy after 2 and slurring words after 3...super drunk after 4. I didn't face that I had several things to watch out for...family of alcoholics, a personality and food issues.

I have spent the last 8 years working on this. I even witnessed my mom needing a liver transplant.

The issue is that drinking always escalates if you have the family history and they say if you get sober and relapse, it doesn't take long to be at the same level or higher in consuming alcohol.

Post, read, admit to yourself, you deserve it! Be proud of every day you don't drink.

gigi
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:59 AM
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Welcome to SR! As a former wine lover, I had to let go the romanticism I seemed to find around wine. I loved to collect various wines, and would pair them with different meals, or occasions. The problem was I was pairing a bottle or two nightly with whatever happened to be for dinner. Although I cooked for my kids, my dinner would often be a Lean Cuisine frozen pizza. I do not ever remember seeing this paired with any of my fancy, or not so fancy wines!

I ended up giving away several bottles as Christmas gifts. I have not given away my wrought iron wine rack, I love that darn thing, just thinking about storing my pelligrino and sparkling waters in it now!!

Life does go on without wine, although I haven't quite managed to eliminate my occasional whining about whatever may be bugging me at the present moment. I guess I will just have to settle for progress, and not perfection!!

Keep reading and posting on here, hopefully you will eventually drop the "un" part of your username.
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:38 PM
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^Thanks Delilah... I too love wine and the rituals & culture that go along with it. Unfortunately I know I can't just have one or two glasses in casual appreciation. Once I get started I have to keep going. And that is where alcohol has become very ugly for me!

I remember during college when I rarely drank, my roommate and I hosted a party and bought a case of beer and 1.75L bottle of cheap vodka for our guests. After the party was over- most of the vodka was still left and we put the bottle on top of the fridge. A year later, it was still there, untouched! That would never have lasted more than a few days to a week at most in my recent past!

Today was Day 2 for me.

I expected to wake up feeling fresh and happy but that was not the case. I felt like I had just woken up from a bad nightmare that I didn't remember. And I was REALLY tired and overslept. My body felt sluggish as if I were hungover, even though I hadn't had a drink the night before this time.

Then I went to the store this morning and bought tons of organic veggies and fruits. I looked at my full cart and thought, wow this is going to be quite a bill at checkout. But to my amazement the final cost was less than half of what I had expected- because this time I didn't buy my usual assortment of wines that I stock up on (the $8 "weekday daily drinking" bottles, and the more expensive "special" wines for Fri nights and weekends) !

Got home, rummaged out the juicer in my kitchen and made 2 quarts of juice from organic kale, carrots, apples, celery, cucumbers, and ginger. Had a couple glasses so far today and feel like it will help my body get over this sudden change.

This seems like I'm just at the beginning. Looking forward to feeling better.

Unhappy Hour
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by UnhappyHour View Post
Now I have to figure out... how am I going fall asleep tonight?
You are going to fall asleep SOBER and wake up feeling good about your decision.

Sweet Dreams.....
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:25 PM
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Hi Unhappy hours,
Good for you with the juicer. A couple of reasons: 1.) it's healthy 2.) it replaces nutrients you have lost while drinking 3.) it will keep you hydrated 4.) it occupies time

You might trying to go on a vitamin regiment...(I am not a doctor) I take Niacin B3 and Bcomplex, magnesium, zinc, chromium...I have been taking for 20 days without fail. I am also taking my meds on a regular basis.

About the bill, it's awesome not to spend that extra on liquor; it's also amazing how much less the restaurant bill is.

To feeling better and sober.

gigi
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:45 PM
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The first few days were tough, and for me Day 3 was the hardest. However, things started to get a little better each day after that.

I have been buying a juice that Chef V in San Diego makes, and I am doing a cleanse next week. Can you send me your juice recipe, it would probably be cheaper to make my own.

Glad you found SR!!!
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:46 PM
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Funny, I was a wino and also immed started juicing once I quit. Great, isn't it? I am amazed how much more energy I have at the gym. I am only 6 days in.

I hear you on the sleep thing. I could not be more awake (midnight where I am) and hope my sleep clock resets soon. I took a leave from work to come off both the wine and valium (i had been warned by my doc that I would likely not function well for the first few weeks) but that won't last forever.

Hang in there and keep logging on. Last year I was going strong and stopped logging. I didn't attend AA either. I promptly returned to drinking wine at my local bar, where I read instead of socialized! Suppose that was my way of "not drinking alone" and not facing the empty bottle in the morning. Oh, as an added bonus to my stupidity, I would then get home, pass out, awake at 3am with a racing heart and start pounding Valium. Denial is amazing!
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:52 PM
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I was a die hard wine guy. I still have some very nice high end zins from the last wine tasting weekend in Sonoma. I realized my life revolved around drinking. My hobbies had to include alcohol. Early on sobriety is difficult. But I'm 3 months sober now and it's better than any wine night ever was. My Riedels just sit on the shelf now and the wines in the rack are collecting dust. Best thing I have ever done for myself. It will be for you too. Just stick to it.
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