gigi0310

My last episode before my start with sobriety was exactly like yours==drinking, binging, getting a hotel room, eating out, taking taxis, blah blah blah

The day I decided I had to jump in full force before i changed my mind. The first thing I did was go to a meeting. I have been 3 weeks in a row.

Stay sober and take it day by day.

gigi

Wastinglife

I had a four day relapse last month during which I spent $1200 (my rent money). I was taking taxi's all over the place and must have gone to 10 different bars during that stretch. I don't really remember it all. It all started with one beer after work on a Thursday and only ended when I ran out of money. It's a good thing I'm not wealthy because being broke is the only thing that stops me (that and being arrested). Let's move past this all Action and try again!

renaldo

Better to take taxis and rent a hotel than drive drunk. Way better! I heard of a guy who killed a pregnant woman while drunk driving. When the cops arrived, he was trying to hang himself. You don't want to go there. He never recuperated mentally from the guilt and shame of what he had done. It destroyed his life, the life of a woman, the life of a child who had not yet been born, and God knows how many other friends and relatives.

Cut yourself some slack. You did the right thing by not driving. It takes a few times for some of us to learn that lesson. I think I've learned it after 3 DUIs. Riding a bicycle in the rain and doing community service at Goodwill sucks. You feel yourself to be bottom man on the totem pole. Talk about humility.

And me? I drove the bike drunk and got a concussion. Dumb ass! I must have a guardian angel, because I should have been dead long ago. The fact that I have functioning relationships is the only thing that stands between me and an early demise. And I don't just mean long standing relationships, but I can relate to people I meet on a casual basis.

But there is a certain element of alienation with alcoholism. You feel like you're looking into the window at a cafe at "normal" people wondering how they do that.

Coming here helps me. I'm amongst my kith and kin, and everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about. No one's saying, "come on man, let the good times roll."

The guy in the front of the house here came by to ask for a cigarette tonight. He was miffed because his favorite sports team lost a game. I was cordial, but didn't entertain him. He went back up front and got increasingly pissed and got in a screaming match with his wife. No thanks to that.

The irony is that he was in a good mood earlier. How much of it is due to drinking or life circumstances I can't say and I'm not really interested to know, but it does sound like he's been drinking when he yells at his wife.

It's beyond my power to change it. That I do know. I just try to stay out of such a volatile relationship.

He came knocking on my door again later and I had the good sense to ignore it. He went away and that's when the argument escalated with his wife. I wasn't generating any smell or sound, so I couldn't possibly have been doing anything to bother him. What he wanted... I don't know and I don't care.

choublak

Curious, are you still hanging out with those same people who, if I recall correctly, put vodka in your drink as a "joke"?

Delilah1

Hi Action,

I am sorry that you slipped again, lots of good advice already on here. Why don't you look into some other options for recovery. I know you can do it, and you are worth it. You always have kind words and offer encouragement to others on this site.

I hate seeing your sober date keep changing with a sad face. No more sad face, you can do this!!!!!

Veritas1

You know I talked about why we drink again and again to my AA sponsor today and she said it was because of our refusal to stop seeking relief from things outside of us...

That and we are not sick and tired enough.

It's not that bad.

We accept that this is just how we are, and we sort of give up, and use our excuses to avoid change...real change.

I just wanted to share this in case it is helpful.

renaldo

I don't understand that. Isn't joining a fellowship seeking relief outside of yourself? Many things we do are seeking relief outside of ourselves, unless you're not into seeing a sunny sky, eating a good meal, having a nice conversation, watching a TV show, or anything else you can mention.

You could live in a cave stuck with your own thoughts, but not many people would thrive in that situation. I certainly wouldn't.

OCDDan

hi Action, i remember your drama from back when i joined here, it's tough, I've been strugglin for over forty years

Pondlady

Action, How are you doing TODAY?

Veritas1

What she meant was our refusal to stop seeking relief from things outside of us...things like alcohol, or drugs...from bad things.

I think she said happiness, not relief..she said as long as I seek happiness from something outside of myself...from a drink, I will drink.

Hope that clears it up!

I asked her why I would hurt my body by drinking, and she said because I was seeking happiness from alcohol...something outside of myself.