Day 3 on a Friday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 263
Day 3 on a Friday
Today was better than the last 2. It was the first day I didn't feel like I was dying (well at least the first time I didn't feel like that all day). Its been interesting though and not all in a good way.
The first 2 days were easy in a way. They were hell on earth coming down emotionally and physically from my most recent bender. But now today I finally felt at least 10% normal (whatever normal is for me, I don't think I can remember that far back). Anyway tonight was the first night that I actually considered drinking.
Some thoughts on how I'm staying sober. My goal is to make 90 meetings in 90 days. The first time I tried AA, I thought this was ridiculous. I had friends, a full time job, grad school, working out...there was no way I was going to make it to 90 meetings. Well I was right...I made a couple meetings here or there stayed clean for about 20 days, had a hard weekend but sobered up and went about 2 weeks, another hard weekend then went a week...you see the pattern.
Well here I am a full year later...with basically no friends, too overweight to work out for extended periods of time (I'm starting back with short walks and swims, amazingly humbling for a former athlete), and on the verge of losing my job. This time I realize i mean really realize, I have to make 90 in 90 or I will kill myself with this. I pushed myself so close to the limit this time, it is either sobriety or death this time around. Anyway I make sure that I go to the latest meeting offered in my area every night (esp tonight) so that I don't have to fight my evening habit for as long and that the strength from the meeting is closer in time. I have kind of been looking for a hobby or something other than just lurking and posting here to keep me occupied and hopefully occasionally entertained (though really still at the point of never seeing the possibility of fun again, I know this is a myth of the alcoholic mind trying to suck me back in). Anyway stumbled upon a little site called brilliant.org. Its a fun math and science site that works to improve your skills in those areas. Something for which I have always prided myself and which has obviously taken a hit with my alcoholism. For any of my fellow nerds you might find this helpful for at least a few min as distraction.
Sorry for the long post but I haven't been able to be on at all today, and I really appreciate everything SR!
The first 2 days were easy in a way. They were hell on earth coming down emotionally and physically from my most recent bender. But now today I finally felt at least 10% normal (whatever normal is for me, I don't think I can remember that far back). Anyway tonight was the first night that I actually considered drinking.
Some thoughts on how I'm staying sober. My goal is to make 90 meetings in 90 days. The first time I tried AA, I thought this was ridiculous. I had friends, a full time job, grad school, working out...there was no way I was going to make it to 90 meetings. Well I was right...I made a couple meetings here or there stayed clean for about 20 days, had a hard weekend but sobered up and went about 2 weeks, another hard weekend then went a week...you see the pattern.
Well here I am a full year later...with basically no friends, too overweight to work out for extended periods of time (I'm starting back with short walks and swims, amazingly humbling for a former athlete), and on the verge of losing my job. This time I realize i mean really realize, I have to make 90 in 90 or I will kill myself with this. I pushed myself so close to the limit this time, it is either sobriety or death this time around. Anyway I make sure that I go to the latest meeting offered in my area every night (esp tonight) so that I don't have to fight my evening habit for as long and that the strength from the meeting is closer in time. I have kind of been looking for a hobby or something other than just lurking and posting here to keep me occupied and hopefully occasionally entertained (though really still at the point of never seeing the possibility of fun again, I know this is a myth of the alcoholic mind trying to suck me back in). Anyway stumbled upon a little site called brilliant.org. Its a fun math and science site that works to improve your skills in those areas. Something for which I have always prided myself and which has obviously taken a hit with my alcoholism. For any of my fellow nerds you might find this helpful for at least a few min as distraction.
Sorry for the long post but I haven't been able to be on at all today, and I really appreciate everything SR!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
keep it up dd....90 in 90 is a great idea. I thought it sounded preposterous too when I started, but was in enough pain to try it out. I think the idea works b/c it's enough to get you over the awkwardness of walking in, maybe saying out loud you're an alkie, talking to people without any booze making it easier to do so..etc.
I bet you will feel a world different if you complete a 90 in 90. I did!
I bet you will feel a world different if you complete a 90 in 90. I did!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 263
Thanks for the support everyone. Today I actually feel...clean. Although I still don't feel great I feel like the alcohol is finally completely out of my system. Last night was actually great. Got on here some and played some active games to get the blood flowing. And last night I actually slept like something I imagine non alkies might. It was amazing. After about 30 min I actually got a bit engaged in what I was doing and the temptation went away most the night. I will stay sober today on day 4.
Oh last night I talke for the first time at a meeting ever. Terrifying but relieving at the same time.
Oh last night I talke for the first time at a meeting ever. Terrifying but relieving at the same time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Hi ddrayer. I believe it was sobriety or death for me, too, the last time I binged. It was terrifying how quickly I crashed & burned.
I remember thinking life would be boring and there'd be nothing to look forward to. I was very sorry for myself, imagining all I'd be missing out on. Yet my drinking days were no longer bringing me anything but misery. There were no real highs, just numbness and plodding through each day in a fog. Alcohol had stolen my spirit. It took baby steps in the beginning - to come back to life and find the joy once again. I did it, and you will too.
Proud of you for getting this far - the best is yet to be.
I remember thinking life would be boring and there'd be nothing to look forward to. I was very sorry for myself, imagining all I'd be missing out on. Yet my drinking days were no longer bringing me anything but misery. There were no real highs, just numbness and plodding through each day in a fog. Alcohol had stolen my spirit. It took baby steps in the beginning - to come back to life and find the joy once again. I did it, and you will too.
Proud of you for getting this far - the best is yet to be.
If ninety in ninety will keep you on the straight and narrow, go for it.
Making sobriety your #1 priority is the only way to go...... the rest of the stuff will fall into place over time. Congrats on day 3!
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