Recovery in the moment
 

This seems an odd place to post this particular thread but I can't think of a more appropriate place ...

I've been clean and sober for a good deal of time and my life is good today. It didn't start out that way. When I got clean and sober for the last time my heart gave up and I needed to be resuscitated twice. It's tough recalling what I went through because it was a different person who went through it in many ways...if that makes sense.

Anywho, my point is simply that after thirty-seven years of a two to four pack a day habit, I quit smoking four days ago and it was remarkably easy. I can see the tools I've gathered along the way in sobriety and recovery poking their head up instinctively and making the process easier - but it never would have occurred to me that it would be this easy.

First and foremost (and by the way, I chose here to post this because I'm a newcomer at this and the skills are portable to alcohol and drugs imo)... not smoking in this particular instance is a piece of cake. It's only the fear of not smoking thirty seconds from now or five minutes from now or an hour from now or forever that causes me discomfort. But not having a cigarette in this instant - easiest thing I've ever done. Staying in the moment, slightly more difficult but I've nurtured that ability over the years in recovery and it sure is coming in handy now.

Anywho - I find myself wondering how much of my immediate health problems were caused by withdrawal and how much were caused by fear of withdrawal. Would my heart have quit if I had not been so scared and if I hadn't resisted the process so much? If I had gone with the recovery thing without flailing around and fighting the current - how much easier could that have been?

Obviously, I have no way of knowing - but I suspect that I caused a great deal of my own problems when I first cleaned up.... which is not at all shocking and has pretty much been my motis operandi for life... lol

I know that withdrawal from alcohol can cause fatal seizures and heart attacks from completely physical medical reasons, without regard to one's degree of mindfulness.

But mindfulness as a means to stay booze and tobacco free? Absolutely.

Beautiful. Anyone can quit for a moment, for a minute, maybe even for a day. But forever? It is fear that stops us from making this commitment. We only need to never now drink.

The majority of the time I find it hard to keep anything in the moment. I could be on a break at work and suddenly my mind is several years in the future. Imagining, dreaming, wishing...plotting. It is very hard to keep in the current moment for us. I'm sure it's a skill that is acquired with both time and experience.

I've said it before on this forum. I should be dead or in prison on a long stretch. I've never really thought about why I'm not. I've always just been grateful that I am still alive and that I have my freedom. And that's the best thing. It doesn't matter why I got here. I'm just here.

Natom.