Kelly927

I'm about to head to Walgreens to pick up the magical prescriptions my pain management doctor's medical assistant has deemed appropriate to help me detox from a relatively long history (5+ years) of using dilaudid (that the doctor prescribes) and a few other things (nobody prescribed).

So. Anyone used clonidin and xanax to do this? These are the prescriptions; not sure yet what the dosages are. I wasn't given any instructions or advice, and when I asked for either I was told to utilize the internet. So here I am.

Just looking for some feedback or kind words, please, as I won't be sharing this with anyone in my every day life (I'm very private...and okay, very ashamed of myself, too). And yes, I know nobody here can provide medical advice.

-Kelly

Thepatman

maybe you can call a pharmacist and ask?

Anna

I'm glad you've talked to your dr about this detox.

Let us know how you're doing.

Kelly927

It took about three hours to finally get the prescriptions thanks to a mix-up, but I did get them, and I just took my third round.

Last night I screwed up and let a friend talk me into adding some lortab and a few shots of some horrible tasting Rumple-something to the detox mix, which of course *felt* great for a few hours, but then when the extra buzz wore off I felt like crap for not even making it 24 hours without messing up.

This morning I woke up absolutely miserable...sweating, freezing to death, shaking, stomach cramps, jittery, angry at the world. It was all I could do to get the dang detox pill bottles open and grab my bottle of water. Somehow I made it across the bed to crank up my portable heater since the cold seems to make me feel worse, and I curled up in bed under the covers and prayed & prayed for the medicine to kick in. Thirty minutes later it took the edge off enough for me to take a hot bath, but after a few hours I guess they wore off a little and I wound up again taking a few shots of alcohol. I know it's stupid. I know it's wrong. But I'm too miserable to really care right now.

I'm so ANGRY at myself. The pharmacist was clueless and gave no support, I called the doctor's office again and asked for advice and they said to just tough it out and rely on my support network at home. Well, I don't have one. Not that I think anyone could help with this anyway, but admittedly, it would be nice to have someone in real life who cares. But that, too, is my fault, because I've pushed everyone away in the last two years. I've lost my marriage, lost my job, lost my friendships...and most painfully, I've lost respect.

I have about 20 dilaudid squirreled away. I know I should flush them, but I can't stop thinking about them and I'm thinking about going ahead and taking them just so I can get it over with since I know I won't stop thinking about them. And I'm justifying it by telling myself it's safer to take the pills than continue drinking.

Right this moment, I don't know why I ever cared so much about quitting. I'm the one who suggested it, not my doctor. He should know best; he's the professional. He's never questioned my usage, I've never used or needed more pills than he prescribes, and in fact I asked him to take me off oxy a few years ago after only being on it a few months...I've always felt like that fact is proof that I don't have a problem. Then I kept getting steroid injections, lol, with my whole freaking intent being the ten seconds of intense high right before the anesthesia knocked me out...I'd fight and fight to not fall asleep, just to prolong it. The injections never did a dang thing for the pain.

I know I'm just rambling, I know nobody on here is gonna read this or care; I know I'm just one more idiot who can't stop craving that heavenly high. Why did I ever want that to go away???

Kelly927

Still hanging on, I think. I caved and took half of a dilaudid & one lortab, which is less than I would have taken before I started this, so I'm hoping that means I haven't completely screwed up and ruined this.

Holy crap, time is moving so slowly. There's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight, so I'm going to find something entertaining on Netflix and hopefully that will help to keep me distracted.

dedubya

Just be strong
dude

ACT10Npack

Ever thought about seeing a second doctor, to make sure your doing it right? Hang in there

renaldo

That's a nice sentiment, but sometimes we are weak.

Coldfusion

Yes, somebody who cares is going to read your posts.

My most important advice is to stop taking things that aren't prescribed. Alcohol especially can render drugs ineffective or cause undesired effects.

Try looking up Narcotics Anonymous in your area. It's really helpful to set up a support system.

Skipper83

Be strong! You got this!

beherenow

Keep posting on here if it helps...i am reading and i care

renaldo

Not true. I care.

Doctors sometimes write prescriptions for drugs in a very offhand manner.

Sorry to hear about the hard time you're going through. I don't have the interest to pursue drugs anymore. They don't have any pull for me. I never got hooked on anything other than beer and sleep and the computer and to a lesser degree tobacco, but recuperating from a cold I've even given up the tobacco with no discomfort.

Different people's bodies work different ways I guess. I never had a nicotine fit, but I have had alcohol withdrawals and they're horrific.

You can always call AA. I've done it on occasion and the person who answered the phone was quite willing to talk at length and shared from his experience. You're not alone. I've always gotten a man for some reason, but perhaps that's just what I needed.

There can be a tendency to think that you're a freak of nature, but I can assure you that you're not. A serial killer or mass murderer, yeah, that's a freak of nature.

Overdosing on alcohol withdrawal meds is what killed Keith Moon, drummer for the Who. You can't take those things by the handful.

Having a cold, some cough syrup sounds good right now, but nah. Best not to go there.

I saw one dude at the supermarket buying one beer and a bottle of cough syrup. He looked like he was Jonesing. Sure enough he downed both of them in his car in the parking lot. Strictly maintenance.

I saw another guy delivering pizza in the company car. He had a beer in a brown paper bag and wasn't being too cautious about who saw him tilting it, which he did with great vigor.

I doubt that the archetypal 70's porn pizza delivery boy scenario unfolded for him when he reached his destination. It never did for me.

I had a roommate who worked with developmentally disabled kids. He applied for a job and they asked him about his childhood and how he dealt with pain. He said, "I just laugh it off. I don't mind hanging out my dirty laundry as long as I'm thousands of miles from the people who dirtied it." They didn't like that answer at all and thought he wasn't taking things seriously enough.

I don't know which is better, laughing it off or (fill in the blank).

I'm sentimental enough that I cry tears of gratitude or longing. I'm doing it right now.

You don't want to take this too seriously you know, because after all, this serious. VERY SERIOUS!

I'm a one on one guy. I do well with people individually, but when it becomes a multi person conversation, I do don't do so well and become the silent one.
People tell me stuff and say, "I've never told this to anyone before." I guess that means I'm a good listener.

I like being the confidante. Maybe that ties in with wanting to feel special. My tastes are specific enough that having 10 friends seems out of the realm of possibility. But I cherish the ones that I do have.

I wish they would maintain contact when they get girlfriends, but no. It's a recurring motif.

Dee74

I think withdrawal just sucks - there's no way around that - but if you're dissatisfied with your treatment or the advice you've been given, maybe you need a second medical opinion Kelly?

and yeah - definitely no do it yourself jobs on this...don't add stuff to the mix...go seek professional advice.

D

gigi0310

Kelly,
I have noticed in my experience that general practioners prescribe drugs pretty easily. I suggest going to a dr. specializing in addictions or a therapist who is able to write prescriptions. That type of doctor will know what is best for addicts to take during sobreity.

Prescribed drugs are not always helpful. Lay out only the recommended dosage and put the rest away.

Please take as subscribed. I once ended up having a seizure from taking to many tylenol with codeine. I couldn't walk, talk or see clearly.

Make some calls tomorrow and you can do it.......

gigi

Aems

Hi Kelly, you haven't been around in a couple of days. Are you ok? I know what it feels like to feel like no one cares. But people here do care, I'm sure of it. Sometimes people just feel so helpless themselves they just don't know what to say. I just noticed your postings today on my own thread. That's how I came to look in on your thread. I'd have been here sooner if I'd have known you were feeling so low. I hope you come back soon to see that there really are people here who care about you. (((Hugs)))