Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Albert Lea,MN
Posts: 2
Struggling
I am 19 months sober-thanks to a power greater than myself.
The first year I did it white knuckled.And right before my one year anniversary I started to get back into AA (before this I was a chronic relapser-in and out of rehabs and the AA rooms).I loved it (I always do) but like I also always do I get "busy".So since August I haven't been to a meeting.
Now,I am struggling-not with the drink but with my own emotional hangovers.I broke up with my bf this week.We've been together since last Feb.Long story short-I felt like I was not a priority repeatedly and instead of discussing it with me he chose to not call or text or anything for 3-4 days.We were long distance btw.
I know he probably feels justified in how he acted and knowing him I will never get an apology.I was pretty much always the one who caved and amended the situation.
Anyway-there's way more to the story and another side to the story too.Point is_I am reeling.Absolutely devastated and an emotional wreck.
I know that my decision is probably a good one.I still love the guy-but know that he was emotionally unavailable wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want to drink-but am struggling how to cope with the flood of anger hurt rage pain fear and yes a little...okay a lot of self pity.
All these feelings-I have to deal with sober.I mean I guess this is my first big break up since getting sober.
Oh and on a side note-my kids' dad is newly seeing a gal that the kids met at christmas.It's not that I care for him but does his new found happiness have to coincide with my misery? lol
Any suggestions,coping mechanisms etc. anyone wishes to share I would appreciate.
And yes-it goes without saying-my HP is calling me and a meeting would do me a hellva good.
Thanks for letting me share...this itself helped
The first year I did it white knuckled.And right before my one year anniversary I started to get back into AA (before this I was a chronic relapser-in and out of rehabs and the AA rooms).I loved it (I always do) but like I also always do I get "busy".So since August I haven't been to a meeting.
Now,I am struggling-not with the drink but with my own emotional hangovers.I broke up with my bf this week.We've been together since last Feb.Long story short-I felt like I was not a priority repeatedly and instead of discussing it with me he chose to not call or text or anything for 3-4 days.We were long distance btw.
I know he probably feels justified in how he acted and knowing him I will never get an apology.I was pretty much always the one who caved and amended the situation.
Anyway-there's way more to the story and another side to the story too.Point is_I am reeling.Absolutely devastated and an emotional wreck.
I know that my decision is probably a good one.I still love the guy-but know that he was emotionally unavailable wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want to drink-but am struggling how to cope with the flood of anger hurt rage pain fear and yes a little...okay a lot of self pity.
All these feelings-I have to deal with sober.I mean I guess this is my first big break up since getting sober.
Oh and on a side note-my kids' dad is newly seeing a gal that the kids met at christmas.It's not that I care for him but does his new found happiness have to coincide with my misery? lol
Any suggestions,coping mechanisms etc. anyone wishes to share I would appreciate.
And yes-it goes without saying-my HP is calling me and a meeting would do me a hellva good.
Thanks for letting me share...this itself helped
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR, lulu. 
I can very much relate. I quit drinking two years ago. Whew, I thought, I'm all set now! But the thing is, life is still there, with all its twists and turns. I'm still divorced. Still only get to spend half the week with my daughter. Couple months ago, I learned her mom is pregnant. That same month I learned my dad's dying. Oh, wait, now it turns out my ex is having twins. And on and on it goes.
But the "it" in this case is just life. Normal, typical human existence. Good stuff, bad stuff, all the stuff that falls somewhere in between. The way I look at it, the fact I'm not drinking makes it possible for me to deal with it all—including the bad stuff. But I still have to deal with it.
It's normal to feel horrible after a breakup. It's normal to feel left behind and even a little jealous when your ex moves on. It was a total shock to learn my ex is pregnant. But I worked through that, and you know what? Now I see it's a good thing. My daughter will be a great big sister. Her mom always wanted more kids. Good for them, I say.
As for my dad, that just sucks. But some things are supposed to suck. Feeling sad and hurt is a normal, healthy part of the process. Experiencing that pain isn't a remnant of my addiction; it's evidence of my recovery.
I can very much relate. I quit drinking two years ago. Whew, I thought, I'm all set now! But the thing is, life is still there, with all its twists and turns. I'm still divorced. Still only get to spend half the week with my daughter. Couple months ago, I learned her mom is pregnant. That same month I learned my dad's dying. Oh, wait, now it turns out my ex is having twins. And on and on it goes.
But the "it" in this case is just life. Normal, typical human existence. Good stuff, bad stuff, all the stuff that falls somewhere in between. The way I look at it, the fact I'm not drinking makes it possible for me to deal with it all—including the bad stuff. But I still have to deal with it.
It's normal to feel horrible after a breakup. It's normal to feel left behind and even a little jealous when your ex moves on. It was a total shock to learn my ex is pregnant. But I worked through that, and you know what? Now I see it's a good thing. My daughter will be a great big sister. Her mom always wanted more kids. Good for them, I say.
As for my dad, that just sucks. But some things are supposed to suck. Feeling sad and hurt is a normal, healthy part of the process. Experiencing that pain isn't a remnant of my addiction; it's evidence of my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Albert Lea,MN
Posts: 2
Thanks for the replies.
In answer-I have worked with a sponsor.Steps 1-3.And here I am at 4.Last summer my sponsor got insanely busy with a new job.And I didn't do a very good job at keeping in touch with her.And I am smart enough to know the ramifications and what not doing the rest of my steps implies.
Thanks for the warm welcome too!I was feeling heavy and typed in google my problem and it sent me to this forum.Never heard of this place and glad I found it.I look forward to seeing what I can find here.So whether it be divine intervention or google awesomeness...I'll take it!
And thank u ReadyAndAble.So this is life,huh?Where do I sign out?lol.You definately have given me perspective.I am sorry about your father,too.
Sucks to be "normal" and have all these emotions.But hey-the alternative is so much worse.
I am grateful for whatever brought me here.I am reminded 'one day at a time'--never been so significant to me as right now.
Thanks again.
In answer-I have worked with a sponsor.Steps 1-3.And here I am at 4.Last summer my sponsor got insanely busy with a new job.And I didn't do a very good job at keeping in touch with her.And I am smart enough to know the ramifications and what not doing the rest of my steps implies.
Thanks for the warm welcome too!I was feeling heavy and typed in google my problem and it sent me to this forum.Never heard of this place and glad I found it.I look forward to seeing what I can find here.So whether it be divine intervention or google awesomeness...I'll take it!
And thank u ReadyAndAble.So this is life,huh?Where do I sign out?lol.You definately have given me perspective.I am sorry about your father,too.
Sucks to be "normal" and have all these emotions.But hey-the alternative is so much worse.
I am grateful for whatever brought me here.I am reminded 'one day at a time'--never been so significant to me as right now.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I can only say from my experience...That working step 3 for me...Meant I was making a decision to work the rest of the steps...That is the program of recovery....That's what keeps me sober and gives me the tools to live life on life's terms...Not alcohol's terms...Maybe you should consider A new sponsor...But it's important to remember...You have to do the work....Not your sponsor. A sponsor is there to guide you...Nothing more. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
I accept that I no longer drink alcohol, which makes not drinking a lot easier.
I also keep the company of drunks in recovery on SR, which I find interestingly helpful.
Drinking would have taken everything from me, so it is no longer an option for me.
I also keep the company of drunks in recovery on SR, which I find interestingly helpful.
Drinking would have taken everything from me, so it is no longer an option for me.
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