Received

First and foremost, I can no longer attend AA meeting because I am a victim of domestic violence and protected by the Attorney General's Confidentiality program in my county/state.

That said, I have relapsed (beer) and although I can go many days without drinking (when I'm visiting others) as soon as I get "home" I am drinking again, to sleep, to forget, to numb the pain.

I don't want to do this anymore.

Thanks for any help and for being here.

AlwaysGrowing

From one longer timer to another. Welcome back!

Well.. I'll save the tough love and stuff for a later post.
AG

Sapling

Welcome to SR...I'm curious what kept you sober for 13 years?

Received

I need tough love. Actually, I need to get back to one day at a time and stop this destruction

Ahhhh, such a simple yet complicated question. The top answer would be, my children kept me sober but they grew up, moved out and then..well..why bother, I guess.

Because of circumstances I explained in my first post, I ended up with A LOT of alone time. Too much time to think and ruminate, cut off from EVERYONE, felt not only alone but old and then..the first drink.

Sapling

See...I can't afford that...For me to drink is to die. I can't put anything in front of my sobriety.

Received

I don't understand these "thank you" things. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.

So, how do I regain sobriety when I cannot attend any AA meetings? Every morning I swear I will not have another drink but when late afternoon comes around I find myself at the local convenience store buying a 12 pack.

I don't drink hard liquor...because as strange at this may sound, it doesn't give me any *relief*. So, it's beer until I get calm or looped enough to fall asleep.

I know I'm self medicating, I know I'm an idiot for ever picking up another drink after so many years.

Help?

Received

I understand and appreciate that. Unfortunately, I thought the same thing yet DID do what I did.

Sapling

I was a beer drinker myself...My last two years of insanity was about a 30 pack a day...Almost killed me...I figured if I could get to the liquor store...I could get to a meeting...What lengths are you willing to go to?

Tamerua

I think there are online meetings.

Sapling

I've heard a lot of excuses why people can't make meetings...I can't imagine the Attorney General's Confidentiality program would deny a suffering alcoholic attendance at AA meetings. But this is your life...Not mine.

Received

I am not allowed to go to any AA meetings. Since I'm under protection from the Attorney General's Office. Don't get me wrong, please. This is not a Witness Protection Program. It's not as if I've had to change my identity, however, to continue in this program, which is very necessary, I cannot put myself into a situation that would compromise my safety. I am in this program for another 4 years and then it will be decided if I am *safe* enough to be released.

soberlicious

hi received
I've similar numbers to you...did not drink for 10, drank for 7, now abstinent and happy for 6. but numbers really don't mean anything in the scheme of things. The time is now. You can do this. Have you ever read about AVRT? Might be useful. Check out the threads in the secular section.

Once you stop the drinking, then you can figure the rest out, if you want or need to.

Received

Yeah, I understand you don't understand it but it is what is. There are a lot of places I cannot go. Do you really think I would call the AG and say "oh, hey, I started drinking again and need to get back into AA"? They'd be on me like flies on poop.

Received

Thank goodness, a person who can relate. Can you give me a link to AVRT? I am still doing my best to negotiate this forum. I'll figure it out eventually.

Thanks so much.

Sapling

It's a program based on honesty...That's exactly what I would do...But that's me. I need it to live...Protection isn't going to help a dead man. I guess you should look into something else.

Received

Thanks for sharing.

Dee74

There are other alternatives to AA like SMART and LifeRing or SOS but they're meeting based.

I'm unsure whether whatever it is keeping you away from AA applies to all recovery meetings.

Most methods do offer online meetings now tho

If you're interested in non 12 step methods like there or indeed AVRT I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum

Welcome to SR
D

Received

Thank you, Dee. I'll check the links out. That said, do you think I can do this by participating here?

soberlicious

There are 5 AVRT threads in the secular connections forum (the link that Dee posted). Some excellent strategies there. Great reading. The threads are based on the technique outlined in Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. Pretty cool stuff once you wrap your head around it. Check out the other options Dee mentioned too...google away
Yes, you absolutely can do this by participating here. There are many that use the information and support on SR to quit.

escapist

I quit Oct 14 2012. I have not had a drop since. I was a heavy drinker. I have had periods of sobriety throughout my life. All I need is one drink and I am gone. This last "relapse" was four years long. Anyway,about not attending meetings, I did'nt this time. I found this place and it has worked for me. I am not against AA I just got into such a mess I didnt trust myself to drive to a meeting. Welcome. Good things happened for me here and I hope they do for you too.