Head down
 

I joined these boards quite a time ago. Long story short I completely fell of the wagon. As I am writing this I am hungover from new years and have never been more depressed in my life.

I know that alcohol isn't the answer and that my real issue is finding meaning in life. It has simply been so long that I have lived in a chemical altered state I have no idea how. It boggles my mind thinking about spending a full 24 hours sober. I don't know what to do with myself and can't even imagine any happiness without being hammered. I am so lost.

Thank you to anyone who reads this for letting me talk. I just am completely lost. I know many recommend AA but I found nothing there that supported me or made me want to be sober. I am scared, terrified really. Anyway happy new years to everyone

Hey ddrayer - I'm glad you're back but I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy.

For what it's worth, AA never made me want to get sober. I was just tired of feel so damn crappy and I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't keep on going like I was. It was an emotional bottom for me.

There are lots of other options though - check out the Secular Recovery section.

Ddrayer-you just have to try. You don't have to understand the hows or whys, you just have to stop. But you need support. Do you have any friends, family, or a doctor you can reach out to?

If you can take the first step and stay sober for just a few days, you will start to feel better.

I've never been to AA, I don't really "get it" either, but I have to say that at the beginning, the first step was actually a really important milestone for me-accepting that alcohol had power over me. If you can accept that, it can help you to realize that you must stop because it is destroying your life.

I hope you can find your way out of the fog. Keep coming back here and post LOTS. It has really helped so many people to get sober, including me.

ddrayer, I moved your thread to Newcomers so more people will see it. I hope you don't mind.

Welcome back to SR.

So many here have been where you are. I felt so lost and helpless so many times. I was told I needed to make a plan for my sobriety. You need to take care of yourself today and make a plan tomorrow (Credit to Dee for that advice given to me on my Day 1 last month)

In a lot of ways, the first day can be the most difficult.

Instead of trying to imagine an entire life sober, why not commit to going 24 hours sober? What do you have to lose? It's only one day. Go one day sober and then, after that, you can rethink your commitment.

Hi drayer,
I have been in your shoes many times and understand that feeling of hopelessness you feel. Your emotions are still being affected by the alcohol. I could never get past 24 hours sober because of the crushing anxiety and depression that comes as the booze leaves your system. I relapsed a month ago and went on a 4 day bender of drinking every waking hour. I knew I had to get a grip and prepared myself for a few days of misery. It's not easy, but it has to be done. You will feel like a new person after a few days. Give it a shot!

Drayer, I woke up just digusted with myself. Depressed, but I see a huge ray of hope. I hope you come to also. Alcohol is a terrible depressant and I do hope you can stay strong and see that life can be so awesome without it. I know that and still screw up. But I heard something this morning on a talk show...a man said that he was tempted to party with friends, but made a choice every time to NOT. He asked himself, every time, do you want to go, and wake up feeling horrible again? Or do you want to wake up feeling good and feeling strong, ready for the day? Kinda hit me this morning...so true. Hang in there, and come back here.

Thank you all for the kind words. This community is always amazingly supportive and it really is so nice.

I am trying at this point to go one hour at a time. Still completely overwhelming. I'm at work stepping out every couple min to cry.

Probably the worst was this morning admitting to my gf that I had completely fallen off the wagon. Anyway I got in touch with my sponsor after a year and will be going to a meeting tonight. Again thank you all for the support. I desperately want to get sober

That's the ticket !

All the best.

Bob R

welcome back Drayer :)

D

Good to see you again, ddrayer. You have everything to look forward to, even though it seems hopeless now. This feeling will pass - and you will recover and have a new life. One where you don't need to get numb.

I hope you'll keep posting here. It will help with the jitters and anxiety the first few days of quitting. We're all behind you, & we know you can do this.

Glad you came back! :ghug3 You can do this, Just take it one day at a time and treat yourself well; good food, moderate exercise, and lots of rest. You'll start feeling better soon.:)

Welcome back DDrayer!!!

It took me a while to finally make the decision that I was done, prior to that I stopped drinking for short periods but always went back. I have 83 days today and the majority of my support has come from logging onto SR daily.

The first few days were tough, but I made it through, and in the beginning I scheduled the hours I would be drinking with alternate activities just as I schedule things on my work calendar.

I have found that exercise, reading and eating healthy have become my new obsession (yes, I have a type A personality and like to do everything to perfection, I did it with wine for years!!!)

You can do this, take one day at a time and log on here daily. Hope your meeting tonight went well!!!! :)

I really feel like this time I want it for me but I also think I felt that way last time too. Went to a meeting tonight (mens meeting), got my white chip and just cried. I hate how I feel right now! I know its coming down but I feel sick to my stomach but can't throw up. I feel dizzy. The worst thing though is I know in the short term having a drink would take the edge off. I have to keep reminding myself that I would feel the exact same way tomorrow. Need to bite the bullet and do this thing.

I am so scared. Not posting for sympathy I just don't feel like there's anywhere else I can really admit how scared I am. I am terrified I'm not going to make it, that I will kill myself with this addiction. That I will never be happy in my life. I am just literally scared of everything.

You CAN make it, you CAN do it, we here all know that you can. You know it's worth it, and that it will get better, and that you can feel good again. It is possible. Just hang in there.

And keep posting!

Thanks Inparticular, I feel ridiculous to just continuously post here but it's keeping me going right now so thank you.

Everyones terrified at the start I think. I certainly was.

Try to keep seeing the task as bite size pieces...all you I or anyone has to do is stay sober today...

Tomorrow we'll back up & do it again...but thats tomorrow....

today you're doing exactly what you need to do :)

D

Never feel bad or ridiculous about a lot of posting. It kept me going in the bad ol' days. After all, that's why we're here - to support and encourage you.:ghug3