FlyerNation

I'm a class of February 2011 alcoholic. I went to detox then Intensive Outpatient Treatment for 3 months. I stopped going to meetings in July of 2011. There were numerous reasons. Well I went two 10 month stretches of being sober with only 1 bad night in between the two or would have had 20 months.

Well in September of this year I fell off thinking I could handle it. I had 2 beers one weekend. 2 or 3 another weekend and then got to the point of 1 drunk a week but the past month I'm struggling hard. 4 days in a row twice since the Christmas break and now I'm hurting bad but need advise on how to handle this.

I don't think I need to go through the whole process of detox again. It's embarassing and tough to leave my family and work for 2 weeks. However I feel I need to start fresh and get back on track. However I don't want to have to feel I need to admit myself and halt my career every time I let myself down.

I know what I was like when I needed detox initially and I don't think I'm at that point. I know 3-4 days will be tough because I've gotten drunk 10 of the past 15 days, but not the point I was at when I had been drunk for almost 3 year straight.

I just don't know what to do right now. I am looking for advise from so many people who have relapsed and then found the strength to get back on the journey. Would going to a meeting even after 18 months help? Should I just say screw it and start all over or use what I learned in my almost 20 months of complete sobriety and not waste my experience? Do I need to start over from the beginning or just have a go at it by trying to just wipe out my last 4 months?

Any advise would be appreciated. If I should have posted this in the other forum then my bad.

Thank You

MIRecovery

I do not believe sobriety is ever a waste of time even if you start drinking again. You have learned a lot about staying sober and those lessons will come back to you on your current attempt.

I would come up with a new plan to stay sober because your old one did not work. I am an AA fan so meetings and working the steps are what worked for me in addition to professional out patient therapy.

Detoxing is a medical issue so I would advise talking to a medical professional who has experience in addiction

sharwey

After some dry time and a stint in rehab, I felt like I was starting over too. Then after thinking about it I realized I never really started in the first place (if that makes any sense).

Like you, I get the oh-no-what-do-i-do-nows. I have to remind myself that easy does it. I need to give up trying to control and take it one day at a time and trust that the rest will come. That's what I'm working on right now: just not drinking or using today. No matter what.

Anna

I think the most important thing is to figure out why you relapsed those times and what you can do to prevent that from happening again. Use the relapse as a learning experience and move forward with your recovery.

hamabi

Since you're drinking again it indicates you missed something important.

What do you think it was?

FlyerNation

Like sharwey said, I missed the importance of taking it one day at a time. Honestly it came too easy for me I think, which is the reason why I stopped attending my meetings and really embracing the sober journey. I still went another year of sobriety but when I felt I didn't need to try at it again my doubt crept in and I let my guard down. I became too arrogant about my ability to remain sober. I even felt that maybe I misjudged myself and was never an alcoholic, which is just flat out ridiculous considering how alcohol controlled my life for almost a decade.

I need to get my control back but don't know how to do it. If I need to go back to detox and get away then I will I just want to get back to the way things were when I was sober and it meant something to me.

FlyerNation

Another thing that I want to point out which I know is important is my wife drinks every day. It's been a tough process living a sober life while being in love and raising a family with someone who drinks every day. I can do it though and need to focus on myself and not her.

Ohio1

As the others have said the one day at a time thing is pretty important. I just reread your post after reading the replies and there are a lot of numbers in it.

2 weeks, 10 months x2 10 of 15 days 3-4 days etc..........

Just my personal and short experience so far but we can only live this day and that has been a huge factor for me personally. I have even had a few "I can only live this hour" moments.
You sound a bit preoccupied with the past and future (join the club lol). Focusing on each day individually is how great things happen.

hamabi

FN, I hear you say your plan is to drop the booze and not drink, but to try harder to stay in the day and to not lapse into kidding yourself that you have this whipped, a way of looking at it that you expect will keep you going to meetings.

All good things.

When you were in IOT for the 3 months did they mention any useful suggestions other than the not drinking today thing and attending meetings? Maybe things you overheard from the successes in the meetings up to July, some tools you could make use of this time around?

mittens2020

I needed to see this post. I had 12 days and had a slip (1 drink)- and I have been beating myself up about blowing 12 days. I need to stop worrying about the number of days I have been sober and worry more about getting through today!

Thepatman

This counting the days to the minute is really obsessive I think and ridiculous. Humans are to much attached to time. In 500 years from now if you are sober today you will still be sober today. And nobody will remember you on this earth.

Live now, be sober now

hamabi

Some alcoholics fix on day accumulation, some get excited considering half-year milestones they are still months away from.

After time passes you may find yourself noticing only the 5 or 10 year markers, and when required have to study out the exact year totals in between those times.

It's a nice problem to have, however you play it out. But always, today is the day you and I don't take one drink.

Wastinglife

Hi Flyer,
I relapsed a month ago after 6 months sober. I went to rehab last year after a couple years of heavy, daily drinking. My relapse lasted 4 days so I wasn't in a dangerous situation where I faced withdrawals like I did after years of drinking, but it was scary how quickly I went back to my old ways. We have to stay vigilant and aware of our disease at all times.

MIRecovery

Whoever got up earliest has the most sobriety

hamabi

Guessing some NYE participants have yet to get any sleep. Think of the great advice they'd have for us all by now.