Hooped

Hello friends.
Only about 12 hours now since my last drink and ready to take another stab at sobriety

Was doing so well but 2012 hammered me with the deaths of two loved ones back to back and I started picking up the booze again to attempt to cope with my grief.

Throughout the summer I managed to moderate somewhat for a while but of course ended up going full bore again.
I can't put it down once I get going. It's insane.

I've sunk into a major alcohol fueled depression and I want out.
I'm ready.
Again.

This year.. 2013....it just has to be better than the one I just went through but I know I have to shake this monkey off my back once again to have any chance at seeing some daylight again.

I'm scared.

miko67

We R here with ye hooped. You know it makes sense n well done for coming back.

Hooped

I have a lot to live for and a lot to be thankful for.
I'm just trying to appreciate the good things in my life, and get back on track again before I lose it all.
Alcohol just can't be in the picture any longer.

Dee74

I think everyone is scared Hooped.

Think about the past few years tho - I'm guessing it doesn't get much scarier than that.

There is a way out...you just need a plan and a commitment to keep moving forward.
If I can turn things around you can too, mate - great to see you again

D

MidnightBlue

Welcome back, Hooped!

It's scary at the beginning, but with every day won you grow stronger. One day at a time.

Let this new year be sober and happy for you.

Take care)

Hooped

Thank you Dee and it's good to be back.
I know there is a way out.
I've made it before and I can do it again.

You've given me, and countless others great advice and hope.
You are always spot on with your wisdom.

It's almost eeire the way you are always able to say just the right thing at just the right time.

For now, my plan is to simply not drink.
Early in the journey. But I have many tools still in my toolbox from past attempts.

This just has to be a better year. Found out last week a very close friend who I have known since childhool is dying from cancer. He can no longer swallow or eat solid food.

He is younger than me.

New years eve I found out that another close friend from my past has passed away. I was wondering why I hadn't heard from him lately and now I know why.

So thats gonna be 4 recent deaths of people close to me. Its so hard to deal with and accept things and move on.

I have to regain my skills at dealing with life without turning back to booze cuz that just ain't working any longer, not that it ever did.

instant

Good decision Hooped. I felt dread at first. I feared what I would lose. Life is now better I have only gained, not drinking turns out to be a minor social inconvieniece on occasions.

Embrace sobriety with all your heart and life can change.

Hooped

Dread yeah thats what I'm feeling.
Grief and dread.
Sent me right over the deep end again.
I want out.

Hooped

14 hours now and of course I haven't slept a wink all night.
Can't turn my mind off and I keep getting up to wretch and dry heave.
No fun. I'll be glad to never feel like this again.
I want my life back.

neferkamichael

Hooped, 14 hours? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. You can do it hooped. My addiction career spanned 42 years. Now I'm 2 years 7 months sober, 1 years 4 months no crack, and 7 months no cigarettes. Believe me, if I can do so can you.

Hooped

Thats amazing nefer, good for you!
My 'career' has been over 40 years myself although the last 4 years I have slowly started to smarten up.

I've had some really good runs at extended sobriety in the last 4 years.

Longest was 8 months, but keep falling back into the old ways.

It's hard.

You would think it would be very easy to just not drink but it's not that simple and only a fellow alcoholic understands what a struggle it really is.

15 hours now :-) A little shakey.. but thats to be expected considering my intake.

I simply must sober up and face my demons. I will never get over my grief by continuing to drink so thats my first step towards moving on.

I really need to do some serious healing.

Xune

What is your plan to abstain from alcohol should people close to you pass on in 2013?

I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but dying is a reality of all life in this universe of ours.

I mention this, as you really should have a plan.

Yes?

Hooped

I agree Xune I do need a plan.

I know dying is a part of life, but the events over the last year have really affected me and I'm finding it very hard to accept things and move on.

First step for me is to just not drink. A day at a time.

Missy7

It is not easy to just not drink. It's very hard.

I too lost a number of loved ones in the past couple of years and drank and drank as a result. Of course, I would have drunk for some other reason I suppose. Oh, and alcohol or drug abuse was related in three of those four deaths.

So why is it so hard? Why do we think we are special and immune? We aren't.

I'm glad you are counting hours. I've just started day three (yay) and almost killed myself with massive vitamin infusion. But at day three I think life starts to look good. I keep looking at my exercise machine and thinking about getting on it.

Keep going. I haven't had 8 months sobriety--you know what you have to gain.