workaholic

i am 20 years old and i have been dealing with opiate addiction since i was 15 and first got introduced to them by some kids in my area. everything was slowly going downhill until i got my license and began having more access to different dealers that could supply me. i made it my life goal to get high and stay high and it all started with a 30 mg perk or around my area we call them jawns and every single person i know is hooked on them now. eventually i started to get a serious tolerance from snorting these things and i got my self up to 4 oxy 80s a day sometimes 2 in one sitting including a lot of other drugs. thats when my parents could see what was happening and they sent me to rehab. i stayed for 2 weeks, it was a joke i never took it seriously i took it as a punisment and as soon as i got out i went right back to the 80s. that lasted about another 6 months until i couldent find any oxys so i settled for xanax . i took to much and attempted to kill myself by cutting my wrist . this is really hard for me to admit because on the outside i seem like such a normal guy and i hate how immidiatly people start to judge when u talk about suicide. but that was a time and place in my life when i had so much stuff going threw my system that my moodswings were terrible. anyway. i went to a mental hospital where i stayed there for about 4 days. thats when my parrents said thats enough we need to do something about this. i live on the east coast and my parents as well as myself were fortunate enough to send me to caron . a place well known for there success with recovering addics. i stayed there for the full 4 months and i learned a lot there. honestly i wouldent be who i am today if it wasent for that place and the people i met there. as soon as i got out i moved out of my parents house and stated working with my brother who owns an oil tank buisiness so its a very labor intensive job. i met back up with my girlfreind who by the way i forgot to mention ive been dating seriously since we were 14 and still are to this day shes actually sitting next to me as im writing this. so we both have our own appartment and for about a year and a half i stayed clean off of any opiats. i still smoke weed but i ran into an old friend who i used to get high with in the past month. see the way i am i always think people can change because people gave me that respect and i feel like i owe it to the world now so i gave him another chance to be my friend and actually he started working for my brothers company. as soon as that happend we started getting high together and is spiraled out of control faster than any relapse i ever had in the past its very scary to think about this. i lost all my weight all the sores came back on my face my attitude was soo crappy everyone in my life who loved being around me couldent stand me and my raging angry attitude towards life. i stopped a week ago and on new years eve i slipped up and did it again and im honestly so tired of this i came to this site because i been to meeting i did them for a year and it dosent seem to work with me at this point in my life. i know this is a long post but i gota tell the truth so people know where im comming from. and i appreciate anyone who can relate and understand what this feels like .. the physical withdraws are easy for me but its the mental deppresion and craving that make this long term recovery so hard

sharwey

You are not alone. I can definitely relate to what you are going through. Even though I am much older than you and my drug of choice is alcohol, I feel that addiction is addiction. I have also spent time in a psych ward and just recently completed 30 days of treatment.
Just like you, I have struggled with using again after clean time and substituting a different drug for my drug of choice and used the marijuana maintenance program. In 25 years of drinking and using, none of this has ever worked for me. Everything led me back to drinking on a daily basis again and things always got much worse.
The only conclusion I can come to at this point is that my addiction plays tricks on my mind and my way doesn't work. So it's time I start taking suggestions from people who have been successful at recovery. That's why I'm here.

Dee74

Welcome to SR workaholic

I found to stay in recovery I needed to make some real changes in my life - my old life was geared to getting high...I had to step away from those aspects and sometimes that included some old friends.

Maybe finding some new friends will help?
what kind of sober support do you have?

D

Wesley423

I'm older than u but our stories r very similar. I dated a girl from the time I was 15. We were married for 19 years and she was my best friend. I'm self employed and had a nice house with a pool and a great family. I now am divorced and live with my parents. My addiction has taken almost everything I love and destroyed it. Ur young enough to make a change and save things that r important to you. Trust me if u don't get help u will end up losing things that are important in your life. It sounds like u realize this and are willing to change. Please do what ever u can to fight this so u don't end up like me. Also check into getting the vivitrol shot. I take it once a month and it really helps with cravings. I have been clean now for 111 days. I know if I can do it so can you. I find that this site helps a lot. If I can help in any way just ask. Good luck and god bless!! Stay strong for yourself! Your pal in recovery... Wes...

workaholic

thanks alot i appreciate that and my sober support is my gf she was never into any of that cuz thats what she grew up around so its real hard on our relationship but im lucky that she has the patience for me.. i feel like im starting to see it the way sharwey put it.. my mind is always playing tricks and unfortunatly as good of a person as i can be i always catch myself lying and imidiatly i go back to that lifestyle so i need to start really taking advice and stop thinking that o because i got a job and i lived on my own for a decent amount of time now and i have the lifestyle i want that i can just go back to doing that stuff .. i never took those people who warned me seriously i was too close minded at the time.. thanks again though its sooo good to know that people are serious about this because a lot of my town is flooded with drugs and it happened quick.. i dont know about you but dont u guys feel like at least the whole oxcodone craze kicked into high gear in these past 5 years?