thisisforellie

Well, I had two and half years sober, and I slipped up last night -- I got drunk. I am feeling awful now, and scared that it happened and scared that it will happen again. I am having bad anxiety and guilt, along with the other physical pain of the hangover.

I thought I could drink moderately. I am afraid that it is too strong for me, and I will end up being a drunk. But the two and half years of sobriety I had was so great. Hate to think that I completely lost that.

Thepatman

you have lost nothing on the contrary. learn from this and don't beat yourself up. I am one that doesn't pay to much attention of how long in days. Sober now and happy is what counts! Get back up and just resume where you left. take care

thisisforellie

Thanks -- I am trying to not beat myself up. I guess I thought I was in the clear with 2.5 years. Ugh.

Thepatman

if you are like me only a few is an insult to my addiction ;-) I would keep going, trying to find that happy place that never comes anymore now that I have passed the line.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back so soon - that augurs well, Ellie.
How did you stay sober for 2.5 years?

D

freedom1228

Pick yourself up. Don't beat yourself up. I know that you feel awful but just get right back to it. This feeling will pass and you will soon feel good again.

Bubovski

Thanks, a good lesson to us all.
It really is day by day, every day, ad infinitum..................
Look to all those sober years as a great motivator to mission 2.

Valll

Dear thisisforellie,

912.5 days of success (AMAZING!!)

1 day of disappointment and I am sure it hurt BUT! it sounds like you are back on track...so be kind to yourself.

Nine Hundred and Twelve and a half days is incredible!

My brother has relapsed off and on over the years but he has been a lot more off than on and just puts his head down and keeps calm and carries on :>)

All the best to you.

Val

thisisforellie

I was in AA for most of the 2.5 years, but then sort of stopped going. This year has been rough -- I lost my younger brother and then my grandmother in the last two months. I didn't drink around those events, but it just pilled up.

Otherwise, I stayed sober by taking it one day at a time. It felt easy. Sadly, that illusion is shattered now.

Dee74

It's a hard lesson but a useful one maybe Ellie?
At least you know how to get yourself back to a sure footing?

D

Zebra1275

I once had 5.5 years and relapsed. I thought that after all that time I could drink like a normal person. Wrong.

What I found out was that it was a lot harder to quit again after my relapse. Actually I could quit, I just couldn't stay quit. I be sober for 2 or 3 weeks, then drink for a couple of days. The sober for a month, then drunk again. This went on for a year before I finally gave up trying to manage things by myself, and went to AA.

Shoebox62

Sorry to hear about your relapse, Ellie. I've heard your story so many times - "I think I can drink moderately" - and it never, ever works. It shows the power of the drug and the addiction that, even after 2.5 years (or, like a friend of mine in rehab, over 5 years), the urge to drink is still there. Learn from this and move on and use it as a lesson as to the devious nature of alcohol. Best of luck to you in 2013!

Hevyn

I had 3 yrs. once, decided I could have 'a few' and kept going for 7 yrs. You've caught yourself right away - I think you should be proud of that. Nothing's been lost - in fact, now you'll be even more determined to stay the course.

We're glad you've joined us - keep posting.

Xune

Really? Where have you ever read that long term abstinence gives most addicts the ability to drink responsibly and in moderation?

You sure that wasn't your addiction rationalizing why you should drink?

You chose to drink. Figure out why you made the choice and learn from it.

Dee74

Foolish or not, I thought I was in the clear many times...it's the nature of the disease, surely?

I'm not sure anyone else could beat me up better than I could myself at those times.

D

thisisforellie

I made the choice because I wanted to be able to drink moderately. I didn't believe that I couldn't. That's the addiction, I am sure.

Hevyn

I did the same thing, many times. I just wasn't willing to admit that willpower alone was no defense against alcoholism. I didn't understand back then. Some never do. We are very fortunate to have another chance at this.

Pondlady

ellie,
How wonderful you have 2.5 years - that took a lot of strength. Be kind to yourself and start again

Delilah1

I agree with everyone else, 2 and a half years is huge. You got right back on here and you didn't lose that sober time. Sending hugs!!!

Xune

What you just wrote is very true and I'll be honest, it absolutely baffles me as to why it is so for some...right to the grave.