Sapling

My wife left me because of my drinking....To put it simply...I chose alcohol over her...Continued to drink and screwed up another relationship and took it to the bitter end...It was painful and it cost me everything. It got to the point for me I either stop for good or die. I chose living....And no....I'm not doing it alone.

ru12

Junk, things will never be perfect The only perfect time to quit drinking is now. If you are looking outside yourself for happiness, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. People change, they move on, they die. If your happiness, or your sobriety, is centered one someone else you are in a pecarious position.

My drinking damaged my marriage. I was absent in my self-induced euphoria. My wife had to learn to get by without me. And when I got sober i was now present and that caused a shakeup in the relationship.

I wish you well.

amy55

I was thinking of posting last night, but didn't, didn't know if you would come back, but you did.

Read your first post over and over again, is this someone that you would want to be married to?

Was your wife that horrible to you 20 years ago, that the only way you could get through a day, was to drink?

Your wife is still there, after all of those years of your drinking, with the exception of an 8 month period of time, and then a few days scattered here and there.

Please stop blaming your wife !!!!!!

I was that wife.

She didn't put that drink in your hand, she didn't put those holes in the wall, and the doors, and whatever else. She probably did learn how to fix them though. I did.

Also, please note, I am a recovering alcoholic myself. I blamed my ex for years that I was an alcoholic, but at no time did I ever expect any support from him when I would stop drinking. He actually did want me to be a drunk, this way he could blame me. (He was an alcoholic, and he was abusive, but that's besides the point).

If you really think that you need to divorce your wife (I don't know the whole story here), then do that. You might really regret that if you do actually become sober, but that is your decision.

I really do think that you need to look more at yourself, and stop the blaming. I had to do that. No, it was not my ex's fault that I drank, it was because I did not know how to deal with my own emotions.

Just (((((hugs)))))) to you. It's really great that you are trying to do something about your life.

junk33

you are absolutely right amy55. its not anybody's fault but my own , i know that , i just dont know if i can live in this present relationship while trying to quit , i would almost want to be alone and start fresh . if my wife wants to help me and be there for me i would love that ,but i think she just wants me in her life to pay the bills and provide a roof over her head..there is no love there ,and i confronted her last nite about that ..i dont want to live in this pergatory any more ..either she is with me or she is against me ..no middle ground ..i need her 100% support or i cut ties and do this myself..thats bottom line ..im gonna start another quit tomorrow ,i loved the feeling i had after 12 days ..ive felt like crap ,drinking these days again, sucks to wake up to anxiety and guilt every morning ..i just wish i had the love and support of a spouse ...it would make this so much easier

junk33

wow what a day , im a real winner .i couldnt even work a screwdriver today my hands couldnt stay still..i kept dropping the screw . i would kneel down and have a head rush like i would faint ..i found a Heineken in my vehicle from a past golf outing ,i had to guzzle that and have a nap in my truck for a hour to be able to function, so i guess day 1 has to wait till tomorrow again.
my wife called from her work and says she needs me to open up and tell her what im thinking , i tend to go into my shell and not talk to anybody..it looks like she wants to be a part of helping me ,which is good.
I read some threads about people reaching 14 days and i felt happy for them , i would be close to 20 now if i didnt screw up once again..what a a$$hole iam ..

anyways . i gotta go thru those horrible first 3 days again ..nobody's fault but yours truly..

amy55

Hey Junk, Glad you stuck around. Hope tomorrow is you day 1. I'll be thinking of you.

Good luck, you can do it !!!!!!!

9yearsgone

I wont judge you, however I will judge myself...maybe it might help.

My wife does not know I intend to quit drinking forever.

I know I have a problem. We, my wife and I, talked about how much I have been drinking. She has quite a few each week as well. She thinks it is no problem, I do think my drinking is an issue. I think she drinks too much as well, but that is her decision to make.

Do I get support? Well there magically is no drinking in our house. I pleaded the "health kick" thing. "Need to see my abs again, cant believe how chunked up I have gotten", "Beer I drink is 175 calories", etc etc.

I am not doing this for her, or for my kids. The main motivator is me. My mind needs to get right. I am ashamed of my lack of control and discipline. It beats me down. Although my family will benefit, this is not for them at the moment. Being sober in front of them motivates me, but this is my gig.

Support is important, but means nothing if I am not committed and disciplined.

As people noted, I had every excuse in the world to put off quitting. Lets see:

Really busy time of the year at work
NFL playoffs
Family events
Got a six pack of good beer in the pantry
Wing night with friends
Just completed a major milestone at work

and on and on...

I came close to falling off, but I am resolved to make a go at this long term. Everyday I feel better about my resolve and ability to overcome this difficult period in my life.

Enough rambling on.

You can do it, everyone has it in them.

junk33

THX 9yearsgone , we can do it together . i as well love the NFL playoffs .. this needs to stop .. time for us to get our sh1t together ...Flames fan? lol bitter rivals here in Vancouver ,,thx for your support ,really appreciate it

junk33

ok , enough of this crap . here we go again ,my last shot of this crap ..day 1 starts tomorrow ..or in 3 hours ..

junk33

just emptied my bottle of vodka ..3 oz drink .this is what i hope is my final drink ..im so tired of this viscous cycle ..so tired .. I love all these stories of successful quits ..i wanna be part of this ... you guys are awesome

Sapling

It takes some work junk....There wasn't any other way around it for me...Find some kind of program or method and commit to it. If this was easy...We wouldn't be here talking about it.

junk33

as lame as it may sound ? ..i love this site and i love all you guys ..ive come clean with my wife and im starting day 1 in 2 hours 17 min ....this is a great coping mechanism ..i wont let you down .. i refuse to fail

junk33

new day 1, it was and still is awful , way worse than previous day 1's..is this normal to sometimes have it tougher than previous ? is this age ?or not being able to fight off the alcohol ? or related to how much alcohol was consumed in days previous?

Dee74

I think a lot of us find it gets worse as we go on Junk.
They call it Kindling.

Don't hesitate to see your Dr if you think you need to.
D

junk33

im white knuckling my way thru day 1 ,just because im not used to this kindling ..never really thought about any possible health issues before .
Im more than 24 hours since my last drink , is this past the danger zone? every little twitch or electric shock freaks me out.

Delilah1

Hope you start to feel better tomorrow!

junk33

I do feel much better today ,Thx Delilah..
some sober stats ,I was wondering what happened to my money over the holidays ? decided to pick a date from November 1st to present

gambling losses $955

Alcohol purchased in 8 weeks $747.21 ( this is actually low because i had a few stretches of no booze)

Xmas cost me $400 for gifts(necessary)

I could sure use that $1750 ive blown to my addictions in the last few month's no wonder this month a bit of a challenge to get ahead on the bills
stupid ,really stupid

day 2 for me ,as expected last nite was zero sleep , felt horrible , after tonite the worst will be over and ill be on my way from this crap for good