junk33

I love you all and your spirit , this is a great community , I wish everybody the best ..

Dee74

There's no rainbow with 2-3 week quits I'm afraid Junk.
Thats not recovery, that's just taking a breather.

I know we're a 'I want it yesterday' society, but building a new life, and being happy in it, takes time.

There's no short cuts and there shouldn't be for something this important.

It's like building a house - you can slap one up on the cheap or you can spend some serious time on it.

I'm not burning out or fading away

I still hope to see you here again on this side of the fence one day Junk

D

junk33

Yes , ive drank again , not much , just 2 750 ml bottles over the last 4 days ...and no i didnt feel any better..i actually wanted to know my feelings and i made a point of charting them ..guilty -yes ,anxiety -yes , physically worn down -yes ..it wasnt good ..I know that ..but some small part of me was looking forward to it ..the 4-6 hours of numbmess after work ..like Xmas..like a getaway

I knew full well that i would suffer at work the next day, guaranteed ,and i did .I didnt think i would respond here again but my interest peaked for some reason ? .I thouroghly enjoyed those 12 days of sobriety ..weird ..ive had more alcohol tonite and feel good ,but i know tomorrow ill suffer again ,I wish i had a answer ,i really do ..

I wish i could control this and live a normal life ,like my brother and brother in law ..my dad is a alcoholic ..fall down ,pass out on the neighbour's lawn , **** in the cupboards alcoholic..yea that bad

Im so torn ,I havent talked to my wife for ages , she smokes , but yet she wants me to stop drinking ,i ask why? i need someone to be with me ,in a relationship , to talk and be intimate , if she wants me to stop ,i need help ,not be ignored ..am i wrong? so basically she wants me to stop drinking ,work, have no fun ,have no intimacy ..is this wrong? just work ,not drink , no relationship , just like a robot ..somebody tell me this aint right ,am i wrong ?
this is why i drink , i want a supportive spouse ,somebody that cares about me , tells me im nice ,they love me , we have physical relations , i can make it work like that , but to be completely alone and cut out my only coping issue isnt working

dont know what to do?

Sapling

Sounds like you need some help man.....What you're doing is only going to get worse...I can promise you that.

Dee74

who knows?

maybe she wants you to stop drinking because she can see it destroying you?
or she sees it destroying your relationship with her?

I lost two partners that way. The first one should have been enough of a smack upside the head, y'know?

I agree with Sap - nothing will get better if you don't quit.

12 days doesn't seem enough of an investment to me, Junk.
Like I said before I hope you try again.

D

junk33

12 days you should see some change ? correct ? ..i know in my heart it is done ..am i blind to this ? if it is my dogs are uprooted and i have to sell and rent again , renters cant have pets , that means losing my dogs , i love my dogs
I guess i get by status quo.. why should i quit if i have no support at home? she doesnt love me , she doesnt try to help me , im living a lie , if i had the balls to cut it off and find somebody that actually cares about me i could continue my quit and be successful.. its tough to make this change because i love my dogs more than i love myself or anybody around me

junk33

If my dogs were gone and it was just me i would be gone ,,i would find somebody that was caring and i could quit drinking with her support , as it is im stuck , so to cope and get by ,i drink , i work ,and i drink..being sober in this relationship sucks ..thats the best way i can explain it..its of my own doing , i was young and stupid and she is older and had a kid and was looking for somebody to support her ..i fell into the trap ..now im stuck in pergatory ..bottom line ..alcohol helps me cope ..being sober in this **** is hell

Dee74

If you're unhappy in your relationship why not move out Junk - dogs or not, it's not impossible to do that surely.

As for 12 days - I was barely out of bed by day 12...if you think you get over an addiction, change your life completely and be happy all in under 2 weeks, ok - but I don't think that's realistic, sorry.

You're gonna do what you wanna do right now Junk...just like I did.

if you want to stop you know where we are...anytime

D

junk33

its not impossible Dee , but have you had Dogs ? they are like my kids , ask any dog owner , you dont just walk away from them ..I put myself 3rd or 4th in importance ..i need to quit but i wont just walk away from my dogs , ill continue to take the blows and be miserable ..this sounds stupid ,i know , but im guessing you dont have a dog Dee ?

Dee74

I live in a little apartment now no pets - but I've had dogs and other pets before.
I don't talk out of my hat.

Like I said you're gonna do what you're gonna do - I'm not going to argue with you.

D

Xune

Neil Young is also a sober 68 year old man who just wrote a book. I'm pretty sure he's happy in his golden years.

Did you know that he's been sober for over a year?

junk33

not arguing , but i dont think you understand , i dont think anybody understands , its not just about me

junk33

ok , do i sell my house ? do i give my dogs away? do i kick my unsupportive spouse out on her ass? do i live single and sober? alone? ..if yes ? then i thank you for your support

junk33

single , no dogs , no wife ,sober ,living in a basement suite somewhere , working ,sleeping ,working ,,..repeat ..is that what i want ? is that what will make me happy ? i have no idea ..

iamnoone

junk, I see your side of the fence and you are articulate and logical about it. However, I think if you really were to make some effort in your sober time-off, you could probably find someplace to move to that will allow dogs. I don't know your full story or where you live and all that, but if it's a decent sized city, there are private house owners that may have a back guest house for rent with a fenced area for dogs, etc. If you have craigslist on-line for your area, that's a good resource to find other lodging. I do know many places don't allow pets so it may not be easy, but if you make a mission out of it, you will eventually find a place that will take your dogs. My apartment building doesn't allow pets, but I saved a dog from a friend of a friend who was being irresponsible and took him in anyway, explained it all to my manager a week or so later (I'd lived here 15 years at that point), and she let me keep him and it's now 3 years later. I also live in a more private apartment in the back of the building, so that helped her bend the rules, so talking to some landlords in person may change their rules. I know how you feel about your dogs, though. I only had my dog a week or so and was already attached and if my manager didn't allow him to stay, I would have moved, giving up my low rent and all of that just to keep my dog. If I had to move, though, I would have turned over every rental place in town until I found someplace I could afford that would allow my dog, too. If the dogs are the only thing keeping you from starting a fresh life, then all you have to do is find a place to move that allows them. It may be difficult, but not impossible.

As far as staying sober, I'm just finishing off day 10 and have a long way to go and am no expert on this, to say the least. This is the first time in 25 years of daily drinking that I've even attempted to quit. It hasn't been easy, and my mind is going through all sorts of emotions, but I really do think there is a much brighter light ahead if I remain sober. I'm barely making ends meet with my current 'self-employment' at home so I don't have the best life situation at the moment, either, but only I can take action to make things better. Over the last week, I am more motivated to pursue things I've put off - like sending that resume into this place I've really wanted to break into, finishing uncompleted projects around the apartment even if it's just cleaning the shower, etc. When boozing, I did nothing but waste all of my off-time. To change my life situation, job or residence, I need to make it happen and booze just gets in the way of that equation.

Good luck to you. If you drink or not, I do hope you work through your situation and find happiness w/ your dogs.

duane1

Junk, I see a little of where I was in your current state of addiction. You think you won't be able to have fun or even be happy unless you have the comfort of your bottle by your side. Life otherwise is boring. You feel empty. You can't relate. Your relationship w/ your wife is more tolerable after a few.
So you quit for a few days and the walls all feel like they are closing in. You go from not being able to sleep to not being able to wake up. You still have anxiety and anger. Nothing has improved. In fact, a drink starts to look ever so satisfying. We'll just monitor our levels a little more and it'll be ok.......
In the beginning, that's just how it is. I had the same feelings. I went through some of the same thoughts and feelings. Most of us did.
Me, I had it easy. My body was telling me to quit now or I was going on a one way trip to the hospital. I simply had no other choice. Once I got outside those first few months, I could cope without booze. I could see I didn't need it for happiness. I could have fun without it. I could look people in the face again.
We care about you here and know what you are going through. I have only 7 months. Many people around here have been sober a lot longer than that. They aren't feeding you lies. You can get there.

junk33

thx Duane , but can i ask you how your relationship is? do you just exist with your wife? it is a 2 part question..your quit and your relationship ,can they co exist? do you work your sobriety and still be miserable in the relationship ? should it be a complete seperation? should i just sever the wife and become sober and and find a new love ?

junk33

do any of you in successful long term quits do it alone? i would expect that you have loving ,supportive spouses that are there day in day out providing support and encouragement? ..is it impossible to do it alone? by yourself ..i would love to hear from those doing this lone wolf ..it seems like you are so isolated ,so lonely ..any comments would be appreciated

Lunetta

I'm doing it alone at this moment (besides SR) but pretty sure I'm going to check out AA soon- I am new though not long term. I'd be curious to hear if others did it alone too and were successful.

junk33

been up since 3am watching english soccer , hate soccer .. waiting for NFL football.

time to reflect , ive been thinking this is the day i end my marriage, people grow apart ,and me and my wife both go to sleep without talking to each other,its gone on for to long ,i need to end this now .and then maybe i can quit my drinking for good .

it will obviously be tough , but necessary , i realize that ,but if i want to quit drinking and get my life back on track it is a necessary evil.

i know my drinking is making me unhappy ,after 12 days of sobriety , ive drank a few bottles of vodka and a 6 pack of Heineken , all the anxiety ,guilt ,self hatred have come flowing back..expected as usual.

I guess i need to think of myself and quit alcohol ,ive always felt bad for my wife if i left her ,even though she has not participated in making this work ..

it is becoming pretty apparent that i need to make major changes,ive been miserable for years ,throw in the drinking and its a volatile mixture .I dont think i can stop alcohol while still in this relationship.I need a clean break from both

ill need to muster up the courage to break it all off once and for all