Itchy

Good on you lady in BC, so true for all of us.

Junk,
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Dwayne Dyer

LadyinBC

Yes it is! I could get sympathy and had no problems making excuses. If I didn't get my way, yup I'd get m ean.

junk33

today im just angry ,sorry..im just upset at everything happening at once,im thinking why does a person who is trying so hard, have to be tested like this? every possible thing that can break ,is breaking..2 weeks ago ,i wouldve been 3/4 of the way thru a bottle of rye or vodka at this point..not a good day ,i knew they all couldnt be good ..just a little pent up rage ..ill take my stress Bs and a mug of diet coke .

I told my friends earlier during the day that im selling everything , golf clubs , playstation 3,tools, extra laptop..i was mad . i said, if the universe wants to punish me ? fine...here are all my toys ..knock yourself out

looking back at it now it was kinda lame ..

Amy2011

Remember life sucks sometimes, but it is easier to handle sober than drunk. Sobriety gave me my life back as I to had turned into my mom. I only hope my own two daughters never have to say those words. I hope I broke the cycle early enough. Good luck!

junk33

well, ive been doing driving cycles to try and clear my diagnostic codes from van before testing, and the code disappeared ! did i get a break ? this makes me happy,i know this is foreign language to a lot of people , but i was pretty down a few hours ago ,hope testing goes good tomorrow.

on a drinking level , it sure is nice to hop in the van and drive at night instead of being restricted at home or having to walk to the strip mall a few blocks away

junk33

Things worked out , turns out my day 8 was a good one..so far ,but im home in my comfort zone ,couch ,coffee and dog
I guess we are a little sensitive ,more than normal ,when we quit ..i made a mountain out of a mole hill.
oh well ..another weekend ..if i didnt boozer on Newyears ,this weekend should be easier

Itchy

Clearing codes is understandable to me. Can't see if the problem has been fixed until you clear em and drive to see if they come back! You also have to have the right reader and type for your year and type, OBD, OBD2. For those not understanding it is the Diagnostic trouble codes.

junk33

Right you are Itchy OBD2, cleared late last nite ,passed with flying colours this morning, im sure another life challenge on its way, i have to work tomorrow ,which is a good thing ,day 9 tomorrow keepin busy

Itchy

Fandamtastic!
Day 9! I remember I was two days out of medical detox and in rehab at my day 9. You are right, life won't get any better at dealing, you will! Keep dealing!

junk33

Still hanging in there. finished my work, day 9 well underway ..This is a day i would always over indulge , football on TV ,I would just veg on the couch throwing back drink after drink ,mixing in beers with hard booze ..I love football ,this is new experience..sober NFL

Itchy

I am with ya! I won't drink today with you. I am however drinking a Keurig coffee and have some pink lemonade waiting in the fridge!
Good job bud!

junk33

ive noticed on day 10 that sleep is starting to come back , usually i can only sleep a few hours total, which seems to be a pretty common theme here.now i can string together 2-3 hour sleeps then wake up and fall asleep for a few hours again..it is nice to actually be able to bag some good zzz's.
i also noticed that the numbing feet and pins and needles has subsided by about 75%.
yesterday i found myself feeling a little sorry for myself ,not being able to have any drinks for the second consecutive sat ,but im glad this morning i didnt , waking up without feeling sick and stumbling around and having to have a drink at 9am just so i could function is a great feeling ..
I kept pretty good stats of what i spent every month and every year on alcohol ,divided that by how many days in the year and so on , turns out to $15.43 /day
so that is $154 ive saved already for being on day 10..i know ,i know ..your thinking Geek ..ive always just like stats ,im a sports junkie

Itchy

The world needs geeks, otherwise the algorithms the cell phones and tablets use wouldn't be developed, nevrr mind the code or the engineering for the cars and bikes we can drive. But no, I didn't think geek, I thought woo hoo, day 10?

Keep making it one day at a time. The sleep comes back, as well as the energy in every aspect of life. And you can save the money for an awesome vacation or car of your dreams with $5631.00 and change every year!

junk33

just wondering here ? Ive gotten to this 2-3 week sober time frame many times in the past ..and the same thing happens ..i start to think ..can i live without drinking forever? everybody drinks , Jesus drank , what if i control it ..I know i can keep it going ..but im just existing , i work ,i come home , i log into SR ,, I go to sleep,repeat ..its not a exciting life ..is this what we are destined to ? im bored ..part of me is willing to give up 10 -15 yrs of life ..its not all a bowl of cherries ..its just existing ,thats all it is ..maybe that is why at this point i cave in and have some drinks ? I guess i second guess why iam doing this? drink and cut my life short and numb myself or dont drink and be bored and just exist ? iam at that point again ..im not into existing ,growing old and gardening outside ,thats not me ..ive reached that point after 12days where i start questioning my decision again..

Twenties

"The obsession that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it to the gates of insanity..."

There is a whole world out there. with so much free time, I also had trouble filling up my days. I found a lot of fulfillment in the fellowship of AA, and my hobbies...try making a list of things you like to do. reading, even meditating or praying. Tape it to your wall and give some of the those hobbies a try if youre ever feeling bored. Helped me(:

junk33

ok , time to stop pretending , ive been a part of the same story of addiction , different sites , different stories . I know ill never be able to stop drinking completely , I dont want to , If the truth is that alcohol will kill me ? ..then be it , i accept my fate .
I cannot be a person that totally abstains , that is not me ,it will never be me , no matter how many times i try to stop completely ,I know that person is not me . I guess i was hoping i could be a normal drinker , i still am .
I cant take the boredom , the movies ,the reading ,the walks ..that just aint me ..if the price i have to pay is 10,15,20 yrs of my life , then im resigned to that ..
I thank you Itchy and others for being supportive of me ,but it aint gonna happen , you know deep in your heart that it isnt in you , well that is where im at , i want to be able to have a beer with friends or son in law or whoever ,whenever , if i cant have that ? then it is time to stop fooling myself ..take me for who iam .. Ill still keep reading and praying for others to keep clean , Take care

Dee74

I'm sorry you've decided that Junk cos your overlooking a pretty big flaw in your plan - this stuff gets worse.

All the troubles drama and illness you've had so far, you can expect to to multiply tenfold...and if you're a drinker like me it won't be quick...it'll be incremental, with the slowness of a glacier...every year more and more of you gets wore away.

I decided this too when I was younger - I decided I was young fit and made of titanium and the little hassles my lifestyle gave me werent that bad...15 years on from that short term decision and I was bought to my knees, I'd lost everything and I was dying.

I don't know how long you gave sobriety a shot for, or how much you were prepared to change in your life, but I hope you change your mind again someday, before things get to bad.

We'll all be here

D

Delilah1

I think we all question ourselves, especially in the beginning. Remember how good you feel now.

Twenties

Junk, you didn't sound too happy looking back at your original posts...the thing is, it sure can get worse My last drinking spree, which I thought would be great since i had been sober for a week, was no bueno..it's a crazy cycle...

I don't know your drinking history, etc...just giving you my experience...it took me 2 months to get out of depression and boredom. Things DO get better-Look at the bright things you have, or at least try!

Come back and post if you need any support, and im praying for the best for you

junk33

thx Dee , i read your story and i applaud you for what you over came , but ive had 8 months and numerous 2-3 week quits , but the time comes where i just cant take it any more ,if there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow .then maybe it would be different ..wake up ,work, eat ,stay sober , sleep , ...repeat ...repeat .. to me it is like ground hog day ...when i was young i played all sorts of sports ,hockey,football ,soccer ,golf ..i was able to challenge myself ..have something to get up for ..make myself better ..working and staying sober is boring as all hell ..im too old to get into sports again , i just cant see existing like this for another 20 years , it bores me to death..i know ill be in a early grave but as neil young says ..its better to burn out than fade away..im ok with that