new2this1978

Hi. I recently came to the realization of my alcoholism. I have talked to a couple of friends and one family member about this. I have read some of the big book and attended one meeting. I am not struggling with the drinking as much as I thought initially but it should honestly be said that I have been coping with pot to wean myself off of the drink if that makes any sense. Dangerous formula I know. I have thrown out my drinking tools such as my usual cup and various alcoholic memorabilia around the house and swore when I was done with the last of my stash I would do the same with my toking tools as well.

I think my hangup is coming from a relationship of mine that just ended. It is hard to say if it ended because of alcohol because it never came up really and I never got really drunk around her but I honestly figured it would only be a matter of time. It ended be cause she said I wasn't trying to go anywhere in life. We had talked about the things I wanted and needed to get done but something always came up or it just fizzled out. I could go on with more stuff but that's a moot point.

I got honest with myself after our breakup and decided that the saying nothing changes if nothing changes ls right. So I went into action. Did a couple things to shake stuff up and realize what I want in life. Seemed like things were going good for a few weeks after, she was talking to me again and was impressed that I was taking action to try and better my life. It was one morning that she came over though that I got on one the night before and still smelled like it the next morning. Eau de cheap ass vodka. She didn't seem to mind but it was just knowing she knew that made me feel really ashamed of myself. I dunno if that played a role or not but since then things haven't been the same and I think there may even be someone else already. (Everyone knows when things just seem off)

I really love this girl and want so much to work things out but I also know that I may have to just walk away as I know I can't let it get in the way of my sobriety. The irony of it is my love for her is one of the things that lead me to realize how much alcohol is holding me back. I'm just in a rock and a hard place. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

sugarbear1

Try stopping all mind altering substances, especially that non-addictive pot. It always makes me lazy and then thirsty, and finally it lowers my defenses, then I drink.

Try being sober. You can do this!