Popping the bubble
 

I live in a bubble or at least I used to. I struggle to break out of it. I am finding that staying sober for longer than a few days at a time makes this bubble real. Like I can finally see it from the other side and look in.

Now that I am not going to the bar all the time I see that there is a whole world I shut myself off from. I mean I would just come home from work with those butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of going directly across the street to drink. The excitement, I thought, of that first one.

I have to fight to see the bubble and not allow myself to settle into its warmth.

I even have a bubble with, what was, my relationship. We created this safe place for us from all that we didn't want to deal with. That safety was recently shattered. But the desire to run back into the bubble is strong.

My sober voice is the loudest voice in my head now. It's the only one that I allow myself to hear. I hear the others... Lol... so to speak... But I ignore them.

This is a very very special new year for me. People say sometimes they wish they could go back in time and know what they know now.

Well I know what I know now. And I am starting this next year right.

Happy sober new year SR! Thank you for your continued help and support!

Ken

Happy sober new year to you!

I know you had an awful event the last time you drank. For me, remembering the last drunk- specific thoughts, feelings...the aftermath, is very powerful. And also a concrete reason NOT to drink.

Alcohol truly stopped working for me. It does not make me feel good. A very small amount will cause me anxiety.

I think you are doing great.

Thank you! I feel I am doing good. Just very happy to ring in a sober year. I probably will not be up at midnight. I treat new year like any other night.

But will enjoy the day tomorrow not hung over!

Hi, Ken, glad to hear you are doing better and sound more confident.

Happy Sober New year to you!

Have a great day.

I was amazed to discover the world outside my bubble last summer. Simple pleasures like an evening summer walk, driving home with the windows down after dark, coming out of a store, looking up and seeing a huge moon hanging in the sky......such gifts.

I too treat NYE like another evening. We'll have a special supper at home, maybe a fire....but waking up sober tomorrow.....that's the true gift of a New Year!

My bubble feels more like a cell in solitary confinement. I never drink to have fun. I drink to tolerate my reality. I drink so I can avoid my problems. I am not very good at speaking up for myself when I am displeased with something or someone. I tend to assume the role of scapegoat. I smile and nod when I really feel like objecting. I remember a professor I had back in school. She said that women are not allowed to be angry in our society. We are expected to quietly approve. Maybe true. I know that in every relationship I have had that seems to be the standard operation, to the point of martyrdom. So, I keep my thoughts, opinions and feelings between me and alcohol. Thought provoking post Ken. Enjoy your sober New Year I am.

I look forward to reading your postings every day Ken!
Happy 2013 indeed!

Ken, I hear voices too lol

It is great to see how large the world actually is when you're not aiming all activity towards the next drink! I have a feeling 2013 will be full of catching up on things we have missed due to addiction. Has anyone else noticed their procrastination isn't as bad since quitting?

Escapist, make 2013 the year you find your voice. Let it rip :)

I think it's so cool you all get what being in the bubble means. I was afraid no one might feel this way.

PL... You painted it perfectly.... Driving with the windows down after dark... That has a unique feel to it doesn't it.

Hmm let me think .... can i get back to you on that .. LoL

Joking aside, i think i procrastinate less becuase i have more hours in the day unconcious now .
And i can relate to living in a bubble, i retired to france for a few years ( honestly, work was getting in the way of my drinking time) living there was like that , especially as i did'nt need to work at the time .. i'm so glad i made some bad investment decisions which forced me back into the real world . Even bad things can have a good side .

Bestwishes, M

Happy New Year to you Ken.

2013 is going to be a great year for us both x

I have no doubt it will be jeni!!!!

Happy new year to you!

Happy New Year Ken!!! I am looking forward to 2013, it will be the first one in a long time that I start and end sober!!! :)

Glad you are doing well. :)

Great post, Weasle1966. I try to focus on the sober voice, too. It's the only one in my head that's actually trying to look out for me.