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Old 12-30-2012, 11:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Totally embarrassed and helpless


Can't even stop for a couple of days now, alcohol is actually taking over everything I do. Even had drinking pals over last night or the night before and hid their drink from them once I realised they were too drunk to remember where they had put it. Stole money from my senile grandmother and my mother who is on the verge of a stroke. Yet here I am, making myself feel better with jack daniels, with money I stole. Terrified to go back to AA because I (probably intentionally) insulted religion on fb to offend people and emailed another member to say pretty horrible things after he had a wee argument with my mother. I don't want sympathy, I just hope if anyone is struggling and even considering going back, re-read this. It's the worst thing. I wish I hadn't kidded myself on again, and I hope to speak to everyone on here once I'm sober
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sounds like the best first step might be to see a doctor about detox.

I personally appreciate your honesty about your dishonesty. I think it will serve you well in the future.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for your reply. I think I'm just being this honest because I've ran out of lies to tell, don't even know what to say any more. May as well just say it as it is
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You can stop and there are lots of people here who didn't think they could do it either, but they have. You can do it, too. You need to really want to live a sober life and take steps to make that happen. Maybe staying away from Facebook for awhile would be helpful.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Eunectes. It sounds like you're preparing yourself to stop all together. You're disgusted with your behavior and want things to be different. That's the point I reached, too. I couldn't continue the sick and dangerous life I'd been living. It was time to come back to reality and find myself - and reach out for the great, new life I knew was waiting for me.

You can do this - stay close to us and keep posting. It's difficult when you first stop - you're getting used to a whole new way of living - but it doesn't take long to come out into the sunshine again and embrace a better life.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Sorry you are having a rough to. But for me, there is really no situation that will, in the long run, be made better by drinking. It is a temporary illusionary fix to a deeper spiritual problem.

If your friends in AA are working an honest program themselves, they will welcome you back with open arms. That has been my experience.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I just feel I've gotten lower and lower each time. I can't really slip much lower to be honest, I'm lucky I'm not in serious trouble. I've got a good job, but at the moment I'm considering walking away and concentrating on my sobriety...because when I'm not drunk I'm obsessed with 'stuff' 'status' and all the other rubbish..
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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ya dont want sympathy so thats a good thing.
all ya did was insult religion online? do you really think thats something so terrible to keep ya away from something that could save yer life? ive done a lot worse than that f2f inside and outside of AA, and while in recovery. get some humility, deflate yer ego and get back to a meeting.
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Since my first post I've contacted the member I thought I insulted, he has said not to be silly, but I don't want to make the meeting all about me by going half drunk and crying because I know that's my mums sponsors group. Tomorrow is a new start. I don't know about my job though, I have volunteered for a nightshift New Year's Eve...maybe I should just suck it up and go. It'll keep me sober at least!
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
I can't really slip much lower to be honest,
everytime I thought this, I slipped lower....

Whatever you need to do to break the cycle and enrich your recovery, I encourage to do it, Eunectes....and do it now

This can be the last time you have to feel this way - if you want it to be

D
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Sharing your story is reminding me of reasons that, even though it's only been a few days, that I need to not take that next drink.

I've been there. Done most of that.

You're not alone. I'm not alone. We're not alone.
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:22 PM   #12 (permalink)
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No ones past reads pretty, especially those of us who have had a problem drinking. You can stop, go back to AA, seek help and continue to post on here and let us know how you're doing.
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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"maybe I should just suck it up and go. It'll keep me sober at least!"

take out the "maybe i shoud.." and replace it with " i will.."

and please dont make an excuse to not go.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Eunectes:
Many or even most of us have been where you are right now. Try to settle down a bit, get rid of as much booze as possible, see a doctor as soon as possible so you can get through detox safely (you don't necessarily need a rehab but be as honest as possible with the doc and they will advise you). Try to divert your attention to other stuff, like TV, walking, or whatever. You'll be feeling this shame, guilt, regrets etc. for awhile and its your brain trying to get you to pick up a drink. Don't pick up. It will only make it worse. You will probably have sleeping problems for a few days. In my case it got lot better in three days. Depends on the person. Stay with SR. There's lots of help here, lots of experience.
You can do this. Believe. Give yourself a present such as you've never done before. Sobriety! Good luck. And say hello to Glasgow for me. I had a few ancestors come over from there awhile back. Could be they stopped in Belfast on the way and visited a pub or two....

W.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi There,

It sounds like you have some good ideas about what needs doing. I hope you find the conviction to follow through with them. Thats the hard bit.

All the best
Love
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Funny thing I've realised about my illness today, is that I only focus on what I don't have, not on what I have. And I'm never making the most of what I have. I'm leaving my job, I need to learn how to be a good person before I can be employed
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