Iamanaddict

My boyfriend in recovery of nearly 7 months, relapsed. Last time he relapsed he nearly died of a heroine overdose.
When he told me I was shocked, but I wanted to use too, just to be with him.
We were driving along to score, and I suddenly changed my mind, and asked him to drop me off at a meeting.

I didn't use. However, I couldn't cope with the pain, he was my life. The next day, I overdosed on my pain medication and wound up in hospital. I NEARLY DIED!!!

We were told in rehab that our "sick relationship" wouldn't work. I have been in so much DENIAL for the past year & 1/2, it hasn't been until now that I have realised how "sick" our relationship really was.

I am an addict who is very co-dependent, I nearly killed myself because I couldn't have the man I love in my life anymore, I was so desparate, and in so much pain.

My sponsor has told me to start back at Day 1, Step 1, I had nearly a year of recovery, now it is all gone.

I need support, and I am reaching out to my local fellowship. I am just in so much pain at the moment, I am still contacting my ex-boyfriend, and know because of our past history that if I am not careful I will relapse again with him, as I have done before.

PLEASE HELP, ANY ADVICE SO MUCH APPRECIATED.

Yours in fellowship

eddie z.

Hey, fellow addict! You might want to join the happening crowd over on the Nar-Anon forum. You obviously know (with your brain) not to have contact with your ex anymore. Nar-Anon can help you learn to take care of YOU and let go of the rest. Wish you the best!
Love, Eddie

Iamanaddict

Thanks

I am also an addict. I went to rehab over a year ago, now struggling to stay clean, back at Day 1. My ex's relapse is really affecting me.

What is the Nar-Anon forum about Eddie?

Please let me know.

Yours in fellowship

eddie z.

Nar-Anon is another 12-Step program for people who have loved ones who are addicts. My husband and ex-husband are both addicts, so I visit over there sometimes. They talk about things like what is enabling, how to detach or let go, and how to take care of yourself and YOUR recovery. Hope that helps.
Love, Eddie

In memory of miracle

Hi and welcome to SR.My name is Trish and I am an addict,I too relapsed after an extended period of time clean and was back at day one five months ago.I feel ya on the boyfriend thing,but I think I hear that you are tryin to do the right thing and put your recovery first.You probably know that with out that we have nothing..focus on your recovery one day at a time (sometimes 5 minutes) at a time and every thing else will take care of itself..back to basics and thank god we made it back.Prayers to you! Trish.

Little Missy

Hi, I'm Missy and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to SR! What a wonderful group of people you have here for support.
It can be very difficult to see the ones we love as the ones who bring us down. Not every relationship is healthy for us. It looks like you have realized this and that is a huge step. Keep coming back.
Take care,
Missy

Moontime

Hi!!! Im an addict too. Day 1, step 1, the beginning, I had to let go of the past. I had to know where I was at, at that current moment, that second. I had some clean time built up, but threw it all away because I got into a sick relationship too. My relapse is similar to yours and your boyfriends. I nearly died. By grace I made back to NA. At that point I made a committment to a relationship with my god, my sponsor and me. That's it, I don't want to bring my mess into anymore relationships, until I had at least done a 4th step or a year clean. Water seeks its own level, sick people attract sick people. I know this now after being in the rooms for a while. I've done my 4th step, but I'm still not ready for a relationship, so I'm going to wait a year or until god puts a woman in my life. So, I can't give you advice, but I can give you my experience and that was to focus on recovery of myself. What ever I have put in front of recovery, I have lost.

amandaleepiscea

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. And it is absolutely perfect to take yourself to Step 1... although frequently step 1 can be a source of frustration you might try looking at it in the sense that it CAN be a relief! Truly... you are powerless but not helpless and this is fact. What you DO have power over is your own actions and behaviors. That is ALL, though. That is the relief of it... whe you acceopt that you are powerless over his behaviors/choices you can let go of any "job" that you might have perceived yourself as having here to see to it that he does his recovery in any particular way. You can feel good about the fact that you are not RE-acting without stopping first and using the tools you are so obviously building your foundation upon. You are doing great!

This may or may not be something you can identify with, but I belong first and foremost to NA and also reach out for the added tools and support that some other fellowships and their literature can give me when my addiction is coming out more strongly in other areas. I KNOW that I am a "love" addict. I seek/need validation through outside sources to help fill my voids in the inside. HOWEVER... Being a "love" addict does not mean that ABSTINENCE is the answer... I don't want to live without love... I want to learn how to participate in truly loving relationships. so what I have discovered is that I need some other tools to deal with the challenges I face in building all kinds of loving relationships. The approach that these addicts take is much like the approach that people with eating disorders take - as again, abstinence is NOT an option for the addict with an eating disorder. They find "bottom line" behaviors that do not work for them... that when they discover themselves in these behaviors... well, they can clearly identify unmanageability in their lives. Those become the things that they choose to abstain from. The bottom line can change at any point as they progress in their recovery and actively participate in stepwork with a sponsor.

I am currently in a relationship with a man who has over 10 years clean. I have over 2. We have been struggling to be together and to participate in the love we both feel for one another despite our shortcomings/addictive patterns in that area. It is so hard. Thank God he hasn't relapsed and I have not been to that spot where you have been. My friends who have and have shared it with me followed the suggestions you are receiving here and are already doing. They have gotten to AT LEAST one meeting a day... stayed on the phone with recovering people... all of that.They have stayed clean and you can too. You have an obvious desire to stay clean today and you can DO IT!

For me, today my bottom lines in my relationship are that I must never allow myself to stop being true to myself in my relationship... this means I don't go along with things I don't really want to just because I don't want to risk angering or pushing away my partner. I watch my people pleasing/caretaking tendencies and stay vigilant about continuing to do the things I NEED to do for myself and for my daughter/my home/my life. I struggle to remain vulnerable and honest and to not succumb to my pridefulness... This is allllll so hard to do on a daily basis. It is no wonder we are so clearly advised in early recovery to stay away from relationships. It is TOUGH stuff! Under the best of circumstances. You are clean right now and you can stay clean. I will tell you honestly that as much as I love this man I am involved with... if he were to relapse, barring giving him assistance in getting to a detox or rehab (with another addict to accompany me!) I would have to remove myself from contact with him. I cannot make another addict want to stop using, I can only carry the message through the way I choose to live MY LIFE today... and use prayer minute by minute.

Hang in there - you are surrounded by support and you can do this. Just not alone!

much love and light to you
amandalee

Laci

All I can say to you is to keep coming back, no matter what. SR saved my life...honestly. I am an alcoholic and I have been struggling so much lately. I can very much relate to what you are going through. It really doesn't matter what our DOC is...we all have the same disease and we all want to get better.

Keep coming back here. It will work if we make it work. You sound like you truly and sincerely want to be clean and sober. I can't say much about the situation with your boyfriend as I do not live with an addict (other than myself). However, I know how tough it is to not want to just give in and be part of the whole scene. Don't do it. Do whatever it takes for YOU to stay straight and keep good care of you. We can sit back and watch others ruin their lives and feel helpless as to what to do to help them. The true answer is we can do nothing really. But we can save ourselves. Save yourself. You are worthy, you are important, you are loved.

That about sums it up...you are worth it.

Love,
Laci
(Living on borrowed time)

wishIsedNO

Hey im Jackie..and i totally feel for you...I am also in a relationship were me and him are both recovering heroin addicts..We been together 3 yrs been clean for 2 of them..thanx to our methadone program..But i tell ya it hasnt been easy for us either...He relapsed for a year on xanax pills..and has been clean now for 7 months...Hes doing well and going to school...But im now the one whos having problems..I went into a depression....and relapsed on heroin 6 weeks ago...
Life aint easy...and when we are in a relationship with someone we love that is also an addict it makes it all the more harder...But the advice i can give you is...Believe in yourself..You dont need a guy to make you feel good..I too was guilty of that until i got into recovery..The one thing to me thats most important in recovery is too learn to love yourself again...When we are active we totally hate ourselves...You have to how else could you put chemicals in your body everyday that your not completely sure they are the drug your buying...So when you begin to get to know yourself and like your own company...You begin to see that you dont have this hunger to always be with someone...You see its ok if your single for awhile..it can also be a bit fun...Not having to always deal with having to please your man...Always having to answer to someone..and all those annoying things that come along to having a bf especially a troubled relationship..I know its gonna be hard..With all the history you guys got..and im sure when he sees you growing away from him hes gonna try anything to get you back..You have to be strong..Surround yourself with good sober people..Go to meetings like you have been doing..and come here when you are home and need support..Get involved in hobbies..Ive gotten into peer-counseling in a local youth center..its great cause it helps teen addicts and it also helps me at the same time with my recovery..Im sure you have something you always wanted to get involved in..so dont wait..take this time and go do it..Im sure you will do great..Just by you changing your mind and having him drop you off shows how you are dedicated on staying clean..Yea the next day you relapsed..But dont let that keep you down...Dust yourself off and keep going...Look at positive things in life..instead of the negative...Wish you the best..Jackie..P.S. feel free to PM me if you want too..