BabyJane

My dad is a severe alcoholic. I am sober today but he is not. The disease has him. He can't seem to get completely honest with himself, can't accept responsibility, and can't stop drinking. The last six months have been very emotionally difficult for my whole family. First my dad got blackout drunk during a family vacation and had to leave early after he destroyed his friendship with a close family pal we have known for years who was also on the trip. They never spoke again. Shortly after that he went missing for three days and we had to file a missing persons report thinking he might have killed himself. He left everything at home and just took off with the keys and a bunch of drugs and alcohol and possibly a gun. It was horrible. We found him passed out in a cheap motel.

He went to rehab. He wouldn't stay very long and came out talking about how he was all better and was going to get a degree in counseling and take over the rehab he was just in because thee doctors said he was "so good at helping everyone" (he is very kind and intelligent when sober but he thought he knew more than most of the people working there, as usual). When he relapsed after this, my mom finally got fed up and left town. While out of town my mom found a boyfriend. She's unable to be on her own and needed a new shoulder to cry on I suppose so off she goes moving in with a guy she barely knows hundreds of miles away. My dad found out about this other guy and LOST it. More hospitals and detox centers. Then jail for DUI #1. Then he was kicked off our family ranch by other family members for threatening suicide and drinking. He came back home to California to get his stuff and got DUI #2.

I got him a lawyer. Lawyer tells him he's probably going to jail. He got a week sober at AA and relapsed on Christmas. I vowed to quit speaking to him. Then this morning I get 20 calls and multiple texts from him saying he's dying. Begging for help. Saying we have all abandoned him. Saying he wants to die and can't finish the job. This whole thing is a total nightmare. I have tried to help as I am in recovery but he won't help himself. My dad used to be such an awesome guy. He made documentary films for Discovery and Planet Earth. He flew planes and ran a very successful business and was a wonderful father and husband. Seeing him reduced to this is killing me. I'm so broken hearted. Life is cruel. I don't know what else to say. I'm not looking for advice, I've gotten plenty of that. I just needed to say that I'm hurting over this and it is awful and I know my dad will probably be dead by next year.

I hope I can stay sober through this. Sometimes I doubt it. It's really too painful.

Thanks for reading guys.

beherenow

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, Baby Jane.

:ghug3

suki44883

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I lost my father to cirrhosis many years ago. It's hard, I know. ((((HUGS))))

phoebe64

Wow, Babyjane. I am so sorry.

Hugs to you.

SIPD

BabyJane....first off I am so very sorry for the pain and torment you are going through at this time....I am that person....I am your father.....its the same thing over and over again with me....and I keep getting sober....then relapse....then sober....then relapse....it truly is insanity....I wish I knew why I do this....I cannot explain any of it....I am drinking and ultimately killing myself in the process....this week was one of the worst nites ive ever had with the booze as I consumed a bottle of rum and a bottle of gin in one night....one of my dear friends to me he was surprised I was alive the next day....when I am sober....I sit and think....WHY??? WHY DO I DO IT....I cant explain right now....I hope to be able to one day....but right now I cant....they say in meetings to KEEP COMING BACK....at this point....its all I can do and pray that it helps....I am very afraid right now....I know my body is wrecked because of all the alcohol and I am very scared that if I do continue down the road I am, that I will not see the age of 47.....

Peace and prayers to you and your family at this time.....

Lyoness

BabyJane, I am so very sorry for what you are going through, your grief must be enormous. I will keep you and your father in my thoughts and prayers.

Please don't give up your sobriety with this. Stay on SR, keep posting and let us all help and support you. Try to be gentle on yourself and keep having faith in yourself and know that we will have faith in your ability to cope with this.

TorontoGuy28

Thank you for sharing. I know this is a difficult time for you.

Startingover444

Emotional blackmail is so hard to cope with.
I am so sorry you are going through this. But please put your sobriety first. I know how hard it is
I went through similar with my own dad many years ago, he said we had abandoned him in his hour of need. Of course we hadnt but he was not willing to accept he had a problem and he was becoming dangerous so we had to take an injunction out to keep him away.
The thing is, unless he is willing to help himself, no one can do it for him. I guess you know that though.
My thoughts are with you and your dad

zorah

Hi BabyJane, I know your world. My Father died many years ago unrecovered, a brilliant man--Harvard educated, amazing, curious about everything, fun Dad. But tormented by mental illness and alcoholism. This is a family disease and so the best gift you can give both him and yourself is your own sobriety. It is the only way out of this mess whether you're an addict or not. Everyone's affected. your mother running off really struck home though mine didn't leave physically. She was GONE inside while my sister and I tried to survive on her own. I am 5 months sober and, like you, hanging onto it.

Give yourself the chance at life that your Dad won't give to himself.

Peace,

Zorah

Sasha4

Baby Jane - I am so sorry.
I cannot imagine how hard it must be to see your dad like that.
It seems that the past few months your life has been turned upside down.

I have no useful words for you, but I just want you to know that you and your dad are in my thoughts.

xxxx

Dee74

I'm really sorry to read this Jane.
Please lean on us tho - you have a lot of support here.

And the guys here are right - your own sobriety is precious & you are too - it's time to break the chain on this, Jane.

D

Delilah1

Hi Baby Jane,

I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with right now. I k ow there are no words to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I will keep you and your dad in my prayers. Stick close to SR or other supports today.

Jeni26

I can relate completely to your post.
My Dad also is lost to the bottle and very ill. There is nothing I can say or do to persuade him to alter the path he is taking and it is heartbreaking to stand by and watch the decline.

I have managed to console myself by supporting other younger members of the family, becoming involved with my nephews and nieces and trying to ensure their memories of family events are not tainted with sadness.

My heart goes out to you.
Please protect your own sobriety at all costs

Xxx

ultrabunny

My thoughts are with you. Nobody should have to go through all that.

You sharing it with us helps people like me who sometimes still think that they are normal and can control the drink. The alcohol always wins though.

Stay strong. You are inspiring. x

Sazzle

Sorry to hear of the difficult time you are going through.

Look after yourself.

S x

Pondlady

Baby Jane,
I'm sorry for the torment you're experiencing. It's hard to not be consumed by a loved one's plight, but it accomplishes nothing if we too are destroyed in the process. Hang onto your precious sobriety

heath480

I am sorry for what you are going through Baby Jane.

I lost my Mother to Alcohol,she developed a wet brain,she never wanted to stop drinking and was in complete denial.

It is difficult to accept that we are powerless over other people.

You have chosen sobriety,the right path.

Wishing you well.

Fernaceman

Tough and sad situation indeed, Babyjane. The only thing you can do is remain sober. Sometimes we crush ourselves trying to figure out the why in situations. But one of the most important things I have come to learn is there doesn't have to be a "why" that I understand. Everything happens for a reason, as cliche as that sounds.

Stay strong and feed this energy into your program. This is amazingly powerful life experience that can be later used to help others.

ReadyAndAble

Staying sober is perhaps the only thing you can do for your dad. Maybe by using this tragedy to cement your decision, you could give it some kind of meaning. I hope so anyway. It really is tragic, and I'm sorry you and your family are going through it.

hamabi

Very sorry to hear you must deal with this.

Those of us who are parents can easily imagine the similar anguish our children would also feel should we go back to the drinking life.