Relapse Inevitable?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5
Relapse Inevitable?
Hi. I'm 38 days sober, and I have finally been feeling good the last few days. To be honest, I have turned down all holiday invites where people would be drinking, because I was afraid I would give in. So, I haven't faced that temptation yet.
I have read dismal statistics on relapse during early recovery, and I almost wonder if it is inevitable, or part of the process. I want to keep moving forward, and I plan to. However, there is a part of me that is starting to question if I could maybe handle a drink now, without getting out of control.
I know the logical answer to this, is no, I can't. Still, I think that maybe if I do drink, and fail, then it will strengthen my resolve and help me stay sober for good. I know this is BS, and that I am just arguing with the part of myself that is looking for any excuse to drink again.
I am curious though, how others handle these sneaky thoughts, and how people manage to stay sober without relapsing early on. Thanks.
I have read dismal statistics on relapse during early recovery, and I almost wonder if it is inevitable, or part of the process. I want to keep moving forward, and I plan to. However, there is a part of me that is starting to question if I could maybe handle a drink now, without getting out of control.
I know the logical answer to this, is no, I can't. Still, I think that maybe if I do drink, and fail, then it will strengthen my resolve and help me stay sober for good. I know this is BS, and that I am just arguing with the part of myself that is looking for any excuse to drink again.
I am curious though, how others handle these sneaky thoughts, and how people manage to stay sober without relapsing early on. Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I've relapsed twice at 40 ish days because I thought I'd just have one.It never was one,it was a few,then more,then every night,then just a mess. Each time was harder to quit as I just didn't think I could do it.The feelings of shame,guilt, anger were immense and the fear of trying again really bad
Relape isn't inevitable.It's a good thing you are recognizing the signs. Please don't drink.Do something else to aid your recovery,go to AA,read RR, do something,anything but don't drink.
very best wishes
Relape isn't inevitable.It's a good thing you are recognizing the signs. Please don't drink.Do something else to aid your recovery,go to AA,read RR, do something,anything but don't drink.
very best wishes
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
The way I handle these sneaky thoughts is that I realize that way down in the bottom of my brain (called the amygdala) there is a very primitive area, sometimes referred to as the "lizard brain", which, particularly in the first stages of recovery, was doing everything it could to get me to drink. This was because this primitive brain, from early evolutionary times, is concerned with survival. What has happened is that the brain chemistry and physiology has changed to adapt to large amounts of alcohol to the point that it literally needs alcohol in order to retain its artificially induced "stability". When the alcohol is withdrawn the amygdala interprets this as a threat to survival and so starts sending "witch messages" to the cerebral cortex to try to get the alcohol supply restored. Hence the "Maybe I can just have one drink" or, in your case "Maybe I need to go on another bender just to teach myself how bad it is" (incidentally a witch message I've never heard before!) You must have a very creative amygdala! Don't fall for it! Don't buy into it for a moment! You can maintain control-only if you don't drink!
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I don't believe relapse is part of recovery, it happens, but it doesn't have to. Apart from drinking after 5 days of sobriety, I haven't relapsed yet. 10 months so far. I try not to get complacent and my tactic is to treat sobriety as an experiment. I still have doubts and sometimes I think I might not really be an alcoholic and maybe I could control it now... but I think it's only fair I give sobriety a chance. I drank every day for 12 years so now I am going to not drink to see what happens. To be honest I find it pretty funny the thoughts which go through my head about drinking. I couldn't control it or even stop for a day for years but even after a few weeks I was thinking maybe I was okay now! Crazy.
So basically I just try to identify and dismiss any thoughts of drinking. AVRT really helped me with that. My AV will try anything to get me to drink.
So basically I just try to identify and dismiss any thoughts of drinking. AVRT really helped me with that. My AV will try anything to get me to drink.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
M last drunk was so painful I never wanted to feel that bad again. I submerged myself in AA and have been sober since. This will be 14 Christmas and New Years sober for me.
I've never heard of any one going back to drinking after abstaining for a while with successful results. I heard at a meeting a while back, at first the the drinking was fun then, it became drinking was fun with trouble and at the end drinking only caused me trouble. Pretty much describes most of us that get to the point we are posting on here.
I've never heard of any one going back to drinking after abstaining for a while with successful results. I heard at a meeting a while back, at first the the drinking was fun then, it became drinking was fun with trouble and at the end drinking only caused me trouble. Pretty much describes most of us that get to the point we are posting on here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by lotus027 
I am curious though, how others handle these sneaky thoughts, and how people manage to stay sober without relapsing early on. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
For the last 22yrs sober, I have heard
one time too many from many who
thought they were safe to venture out
to test the waters, so to speak, to see
if it was safe to try to control their drinking,
to only return back in the rooms to remind
me that no, alcohol is still alive, hasnt
changed and still kicking azz big time.
It is they who have gone out for me so
I can remain sober each day for a number
of one days at a time to get me where I
am today.
For me, I tried so many times to stop and
start to find out I am powerless over the
temptation to drink. It was like that before
I got sober and have no doubt it would be
the same today.
So, today I choose not to drink with the help
of a recovery program built on steps and
principles and a Faith in a HP to guide and
protect me along my never ending journey
in recovery.
one time too many from many who
thought they were safe to venture out
to test the waters, so to speak, to see
if it was safe to try to control their drinking,
to only return back in the rooms to remind
me that no, alcohol is still alive, hasnt
changed and still kicking azz big time.
It is they who have gone out for me so
I can remain sober each day for a number
of one days at a time to get me where I
am today.
For me, I tried so many times to stop and
start to find out I am powerless over the
temptation to drink. It was like that before
I got sober and have no doubt it would be
the same today.
So, today I choose not to drink with the help
of a recovery program built on steps and
principles and a Faith in a HP to guide and
protect me along my never ending journey
in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
The short and long term relapse rates are both frighteningly high.
Relapse is not inevitable, but you will have to decide if your addiction remains in remission or moves towards relapse.
Relapse is entirely dependent upon the choices you make.
Although I am in early remission, my intention is a lifetime abstaining from alcohol.
Relapse is not inevitable, but you will have to decide if your addiction remains in remission or moves towards relapse.
Relapse is entirely dependent upon the choices you make.
Although I am in early remission, my intention is a lifetime abstaining from alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
no, relapse is not inevitable 
I drank for 20 years...many times I 'gave up' drinking only to go back.
This last time tho I have 6 years and counting.
The difference is...I've really worked on not drinking again.
Bottom line - and very basically - I changed large parts of my life, I tussled with cravings and got through them, I got support and I used it, and most of all I never picked up that first drink.
If I can do it, anyone can
If you really don't want to drink again, and you're prepared to do whatever is required for you to stay sober, you won't relapse
D
I drank for 20 years...many times I 'gave up' drinking only to go back.
This last time tho I have 6 years and counting.
The difference is...I've really worked on not drinking again.
Bottom line - and very basically - I changed large parts of my life, I tussled with cravings and got through them, I got support and I used it, and most of all I never picked up that first drink.
If I can do it, anyone can
If you really don't want to drink again, and you're prepared to do whatever is required for you to stay sober, you won't relapse
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pine Grove, PA
Posts: 146
No Relapse is not inevitable it is just another option/choice.
I got sober 07/28/95 and have not chosen to drink since.
That does not mean I am immune it just means that I live life one day at a time.
I am recovered not cured.
I got sober 07/28/95 and have not chosen to drink since.
That does not mean I am immune it just means that I live life one day at a time.
I am recovered not cured.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Yes. We love to trick and lie to ourselves that things weren't really as bad as they were. How easily I forget...all I can say is relapse does NOT have to be a part of your journey. It is a sad and frustrating event I have been all too familiar with. Not ONCE did I ever think "Wow, I am glad I went and drank again!"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Near Rockford, IL
Posts: 90
Hello there My Friend and Welcome to SR,
Im over 100 days sober. I had done that long before a number of times only to fall to that urge or temptation. I would think maybe this time I can drink normally - WRONG, VERY WRONG.
Just take it 1 day at a time.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SOBRIETY
Im over 100 days sober. I had done that long before a number of times only to fall to that urge or temptation. I would think maybe this time I can drink normally - WRONG, VERY WRONG.
Just take it 1 day at a time.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SOBRIETY
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
My last relapse was awful. Spent the whole day throwing up into garbage bags over the side of my bed. I was so shaky and just weak.
I don't kid myself, I always will be one drink away from the end again. I had to start thinking different as I truly believe that we plan and set up our relapses. At least I know I did. I think it is important to not become complacent and I am always going to have to do a little bit more work than others. I will never beable to stop at just one drink.
I am just happy to get thru each day, when 11:00 pm rolls around I give myself a pat on the back and say I made it thru another day sober. I try not to worry about tomorrow or 3 years from now.
I don't kid myself, I always will be one drink away from the end again. I had to start thinking different as I truly believe that we plan and set up our relapses. At least I know I did. I think it is important to not become complacent and I am always going to have to do a little bit more work than others. I will never beable to stop at just one drink.
I am just happy to get thru each day, when 11:00 pm rolls around I give myself a pat on the back and say I made it thru another day sober. I try not to worry about tomorrow or 3 years from now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Relapse is inevitable only if you plan it that way. Often a relapse is "planned" in the brain well before the actual drinking begins. As the gangsters say it's often a "set up". There are numerous ways to make a relapse less likely. Consult the books, the websites, etc. and maybe learn about the AA's theory of HALT (hungry angry lonely or tired). I also like to add another- self congratulatory- like "I deserve one to celebrate! I'm such a great guy!" or "I'm so glad you're married at last! Here's a toast to you!"
i once heard a unique one at a meeting, a woman saying, "I'm such a lousy person, so many character defects that I don't deserve to get a one year chip! So every time it comes close to my having a year of sobriety, I pick up a drink!" (poor me!)
Relapse is common but certainly not inevitable. Not everyone who goes to Africa gets eaten by a lion. Same thing for watching out for trouble from your own brain.
W.
i once heard a unique one at a meeting, a woman saying, "I'm such a lousy person, so many character defects that I don't deserve to get a one year chip! So every time it comes close to my having a year of sobriety, I pick up a drink!" (poor me!)
Relapse is common but certainly not inevitable. Not everyone who goes to Africa gets eaten by a lion. Same thing for watching out for trouble from your own brain.
W.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
It seems common among alcoholics who don't yet understand what they are up against. To me it's a sign of both ignorance of the condition and the lack of an effective answer.
Part of being alcoholic is the idea that a drink makes sense at this time because of x. In view of what happens when we drink, whatever x is makes no logical sense at all to any reasonable person, such as those we impact negatively in various ways after we bypass any semblance of sense and use reason x to get the first drink down. Some call this particular phenomenon alcoholic insanity.
After we've drank again and experienced the usual disasters we can see very clearly the error in our thinking that allowed us to suspend the experience of our lifetime long enough to get the first drink down, and commonly we feel very sorry for the harms caused, and are ashamed and certainly know better now and couldn't possibly ever do that again.
But reason Y occurs to us at some point. Reason Y is not like reason x was. We can have a drink without concern this time because of reason Y. If only we had thought of reason Y back then, all that awfulness wouldn't have happened.
That goes on often for lifetimes. Little bits of not drinking here and there, followed by the new and inspired thought that will make drinking sensibly and socially good and fine this time, unlike all those other times.
Part of being alcoholic is the idea that a drink makes sense at this time because of x. In view of what happens when we drink, whatever x is makes no logical sense at all to any reasonable person, such as those we impact negatively in various ways after we bypass any semblance of sense and use reason x to get the first drink down. Some call this particular phenomenon alcoholic insanity.
After we've drank again and experienced the usual disasters we can see very clearly the error in our thinking that allowed us to suspend the experience of our lifetime long enough to get the first drink down, and commonly we feel very sorry for the harms caused, and are ashamed and certainly know better now and couldn't possibly ever do that again.
But reason Y occurs to us at some point. Reason Y is not like reason x was. We can have a drink without concern this time because of reason Y. If only we had thought of reason Y back then, all that awfulness wouldn't have happened.
That goes on often for lifetimes. Little bits of not drinking here and there, followed by the new and inspired thought that will make drinking sensibly and socially good and fine this time, unlike all those other times.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
I will have 80 days sober to or row, which is my longest time sober since 15; not counting pregnancies, I had no problem remaining sober for three pregnancies, but slowly started adding alcohol back into my life after each of my babies were born.
I would like to say I relapsed in the past, but if I am honest with myself this is the first time I have fully committed to never drink again. I have thought about having a glass of wine a few times, but I didn't for several reasons:
1) I knew it wouldn't be just a glass
2) I would be pissed at myself when I woke up and had blown my sobriety
3) Three beautiful children who I told around day 3 that I was not drinking anymore.
I am a big data geek, necessary for my job, and although the statistics may look frightening, data can be manipulated in so many different ways. I am looking at 100% success rate from October 12th- this moment. I bet we can create some statistics we like looking at the long term success of many on this site!!!
I would like to say I relapsed in the past, but if I am honest with myself this is the first time I have fully committed to never drink again. I have thought about having a glass of wine a few times, but I didn't for several reasons:
1) I knew it wouldn't be just a glass
2) I would be pissed at myself when I woke up and had blown my sobriety
3) Three beautiful children who I told around day 3 that I was not drinking anymore.
I am a big data geek, necessary for my job, and although the statistics may look frightening, data can be manipulated in so many different ways. I am looking at 100% success rate from October 12th- this moment. I bet we can create some statistics we like looking at the long term success of many on this site!!!
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