A little help, please?
 

My husband is an alcoholic. He has a lot of issues to work through. I think his drinking was a way of coping with life around him. His dad's a hypochondriac; his mom's very needy and depressed. My husband has always been very close with his parents--maybe even too close. I have a stressful, full-time job, my husband works two small part-time? jobs. Money is tight. We both love our 2 1/2 year old daughter very much.

My husband has always drank. But it didn't become a problem until after our daughter was born, when I felt like I was raising two children. He went to a few AA meetings, and was, I think, sober for three months. After that, I knew he would drink some, but it didn't become a problem again until last April. Then things changed drastically. Our marriage began to fall apart. He would pick on me, and wouldn't stop--a lot like my sister when we were growing up. He would never treat our daughter badly, but he didn't have as much patience with her as he used to. He got so bad toward me that I had to leave the house, simply so I wouldn't lose my mind. I kept asking him if he was drinking, and he would always deny it. I couldn't find any proof. I hate myself in that I left him alone with our daughter when he was drunk, but I didn't know it. I know there were several occasions that I had to work late unexpectedly and asked him to pick her up from daycare and he'd been drinking.

Finally, in November, my parents got to see this mean drunk side of him. Thank god, someone got to see what I've been seeing! He lied to my parents, but finally admitted to me that night that he'd been drinking. I gave him an ultimatum--AA or divorce. I told him I refused to live like this anymore. Thankfully, he chose AA.

He's been going to AA almost every night since. At least I think he has. How do I trust him? He's so good at lying to me. I made him buy a breathilizer from Wal-Greens, and I've had him use it on several occasions. He's been nice to me, hasn't picked on me like he did when he was drinking. But the hurt is still there. I want to trust him. I want to love him. I want our marriage to work. I want to support him. But I'm not sure how.

Hi Holly, welcome. Maybe you could use some Al-Anon meetings?

hi holly.does he want to stop drinking? he'll only stop if he wants to. Al anon will be a great source of support for you.I don't know what you can do really.

Hi Holly and welcome. Check out the Friends and Family section, too. You'll find lots of folks there with experienes similar to yours.

Hi and Welcome,

Im new to site and not real experienced at helping others. I can barely help myself. Remember he has to admit he has a problem and he has to want to be sober.

Not sure how much you should hound him, that might help or hurt - others would know better.

This site should help you and possibly some others like Alanon.

Good Luck

I have been to two al anon meetings. I just wasn't comfortable there, and I think a different venue may help. Does he want to stop drinking? Yes and no, I think. I know that he needs to stop for himself, and he says that too, but I also know that he needs to stop for us, and he says that as well. Personally, I don't care which. Is it wrong of me to be selfish like that? I don't hound him about his drinking. It's just that sometimes I pick up on behaviors that concern me, and since I can't tell the difference between him being honest or not... The breathilizer was actually his idea. I don't think he expected me to take him up on it, though. I know that I can't stop him from drinking, but I have to take steps to protect myself. I do love him, and I don't want a divorce. But I am having a difficult time, I guess, forgiving and trusting him. Is what I want even possible?

I will visit the Friends and Family section, as soon as I figure out how to navigate through here. I really appreciate y'all, even though I've just sorta met you. I'm typing through tears right now, but it's good to know that I'm not alone.