Four weeks and I am so sad I can't stand it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I was thinking about you today as I wandered around shopping. i bought fresh bread, Procuitto, provolone and hard salami....no melons looked good.
the roads are clear they were salting them, you can get out. I did chores today too...i refuse to go into the New Year with a messy house and a messy head.
the roads are clear they were salting them, you can get out. I did chores today too...i refuse to go into the New Year with a messy house and a messy head.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
TT, you feel bad now but you know drinking will only make it worse. I needed to a program to make sense of my sobriety. If it was just the same old me minus the booze I would not be happy either.
AA is my choice of program and SR is a wonderful support.
Time to up the ante.
Love
CaiHong
AA is my choice of program and SR is a wonderful support.
Time to up the ante.
Love
CaiHong
AA Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 73
I can just hear my sponsor's words...
"Pick up that phone and call another alcoholic. Get busy doing something for somebody else." TTBABP, when I'm feeling the way you describe, reaching out to someone else is the LAST thing I feel like doing, but it works just about every time I do it. There are even times when I think I almost ENJOY the doldrums...Boy, do I have a long way to go!!
Tomorrow is a new day!
Kat
Tomorrow is a new day!
Kat
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Well I went out and did errands and came back once again to so many more wonderful responses. I am still blue but as many of you have said it is a process and I will have good and bad days - just have to try to get through the bad ones.
Thanks to all of you. I wanted to say a few things back directly to each of you as I appreciate everything everyone said but I am afraid of leaving someone out so suffice it to say each of you has helped me today and I am forever grateful.
Coldfusion - I hope you went for your walk
Fandy - Where I am had no snow today except for a few flakes mixed in with rain right now.
Hevyn - gonna try to wake up tomorrow with your Emerson quote in my mind.
Thanks to all of you. I wanted to say a few things back directly to each of you as I appreciate everything everyone said but I am afraid of leaving someone out so suffice it to say each of you has helped me today and I am forever grateful.
Coldfusion - I hope you went for your walk
Fandy - Where I am had no snow today except for a few flakes mixed in with rain right now.
Hevyn - gonna try to wake up tomorrow with your Emerson quote in my mind.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hmmmm, you must be a bit south of me? We have about an inch of icy heavy wet snow.
A wise person on these boards (dear Ann) told me that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days.
Hope tomorrow is better.
A wise person on these boards (dear Ann) told me that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days.
Hope tomorrow is better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
TTBABP - I'm on the Shore and go to meetings around here. Not sure where you are but if you want to know where mtgs are etc. feel free to PM me.
I'm not on the AA bus totally but I get a lot out of the meetings I'm able to attend and also have found it is nice to have somewhere to go other than the grocery store or the Walgreens. Even if I don't get a lot out of a particular meeting I always leave with something positive.
I'm not on the AA bus totally but I get a lot out of the meetings I'm able to attend and also have found it is nice to have somewhere to go other than the grocery store or the Walgreens. Even if I don't get a lot out of a particular meeting I always leave with something positive.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,028
Hi TTBABP-- So sorry I came in to your thread so late -- I'm so glad you're hanging in and just pushing through the negative thoughts.
Like you I get depressed and also worry a lot about social situations, mostly try to avoid them -- and I'm very worried about how it will feel the first (and every) time I hit a spell of despondency, sober. But depressed or not, we have intrinsic rewards in sobriety -- better health, clearer minds, cleaner consciences -- all of which should make us just slightly more able to cope with the bad spells. That's what I believe, for all of us.
(hugs)
Like you I get depressed and also worry a lot about social situations, mostly try to avoid them -- and I'm very worried about how it will feel the first (and every) time I hit a spell of despondency, sober. But depressed or not, we have intrinsic rewards in sobriety -- better health, clearer minds, cleaner consciences -- all of which should make us just slightly more able to cope with the bad spells. That's what I believe, for all of us.
(hugs)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
Right There With Ya, Baby
Originally Posted by TTBABP 
Exactly four weeks ago today - I woke up after a Friday night of immense drinking feeling physically and mentally AWFUL. I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed. Now four weeks later - I have made it through four full weekends, an office party, Chritsmas Eve, Chritsmas day and a friends party last night all without a drink, not to mention a couple of very bad days at work. I have been a bit out of sorts but generally OK.
Today, with the exception that I have no hangover, I feel exactly like I did that terrible Saturday 4 weeks ago. I am sad, depressed and just don't want to leave the house. I felt at the party that a few of my close friends were cold and distant with me - maybe my fault - but it hurt nonetheless. I don't know how to interact with people anymore. I wasn't drunk but still feel like said foolish things. I am so depresssed I have a heavyiness in my chest that I cannot shake. I can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do.
In addition, I just want to slap myself and say snap out of it and stop whining. I can't stand that I am being such a baby - which only makes things worse.
Well, I don't even want to listen to myself anymore. Thanks to this forum for letting me get this out.
Today, with the exception that I have no hangover, I feel exactly like I did that terrible Saturday 4 weeks ago. I am sad, depressed and just don't want to leave the house. I felt at the party that a few of my close friends were cold and distant with me - maybe my fault - but it hurt nonetheless. I don't know how to interact with people anymore. I wasn't drunk but still feel like said foolish things. I am so depresssed I have a heavyiness in my chest that I cannot shake. I can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do.
In addition, I just want to slap myself and say snap out of it and stop whining. I can't stand that I am being such a baby - which only makes things worse.
Well, I don't even want to listen to myself anymore. Thanks to this forum for letting me get this out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
Thanks for This
Originally Posted by Auvers
Good for you, 4 weeks sober. It took 3 months to get my brain beginning to function normally after I subtracted the alcohol to which it had become accustomed. Then it was a couple more months to get revved up for life. Still, along the way, the good stuff appeared here and there and self esteem built, sleep became glorious and health improved. It is so worth it, but it takes time. Stay the course. xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
ColdFusion and IWillWin - I am just not ready for AA. I have not ruled it out but I just can't see myself there yet. I will consider it if things don't improve - before I take a drink- but just can't yet. I am going to look into individual therapy - have to see what my insurance covers. If I do get there IWIllWIn I will PM you about locations - thanks nice of you.
LSNP - I certainly did not want my post to discourage you or anyone from getting sober. Depsite my current state of mind I have absolutely no intention of drinking. I guess I was being a little selfish(and a whiny baby) when I started the thread because there have been positive things about not drinking. I was a weekend binger (and occassionaly one week night). I have in the past four weeks not woken up in the middle of the night with the sweats or a ridiculously nauseous stomach. I have not wasted an entire Saturday in bed recovering, I have been present and productive for at least part of everyday and although I have said foolish things to people - I remember each and everything I said. Please do not give up - we - both of us - have to believe it will get better. It can only get worse if we drink.
LSNP - I certainly did not want my post to discourage you or anyone from getting sober. Depsite my current state of mind I have absolutely no intention of drinking. I guess I was being a little selfish(and a whiny baby) when I started the thread because there have been positive things about not drinking. I was a weekend binger (and occassionaly one week night). I have in the past four weeks not woken up in the middle of the night with the sweats or a ridiculously nauseous stomach. I have not wasted an entire Saturday in bed recovering, I have been present and productive for at least part of everyday and although I have said foolish things to people - I remember each and everything I said. Please do not give up - we - both of us - have to believe it will get better. It can only get worse if we drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
LSNP
my first 30 days were hard...the next 30 were sognificantly easier...the next 30 easier still....
It'd be a fatal flaw to judge your future on the past month alone - it will get better...noone would still be in recovery if that wasn't true
don't lose heart...
D
my first 30 days were hard...the next 30 were sognificantly easier...the next 30 easier still....
It'd be a fatal flaw to judge your future on the past month alone - it will get better...noone would still be in recovery if that wasn't true
don't lose heart...
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
TTBABP: Your post did NOT discourage me. I identified with it but it did not discourage me. I just happened to read it feeling the exact same way, prompting me to post.
I am starting therapy in January. Not looking forward to THAT but I really have no viable alternative. It's either therapy or continue to live like this.... and this life is pretty nothing right now.
I wish you the best in your pursuits! Hope I did not discourage YOU with my own whining.
I am starting therapy in January. Not looking forward to THAT but I really have no viable alternative. It's either therapy or continue to live like this.... and this life is pretty nothing right now.
I wish you the best in your pursuits! Hope I did not discourage YOU with my own whining.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
Originally Posted by Dee74
LSNP
my first 30 days were hard...the next 30 were sognificantly easier...the next 30 easier still....
It'd be a fatal flaw to judge your future on the past month alone - it will get better...noone would still be in recovery if that wasn't true
don't lose heart...
D
my first 30 days were hard...the next 30 were sognificantly easier...the next 30 easier still....
It'd be a fatal flaw to judge your future on the past month alone - it will get better...noone would still be in recovery if that wasn't true
don't lose heart...
D
I think I have fallen into depression. The reasons I drowned myself to begin with have not gone away.... therapy will help that, I hope. I almost said, "Screw it!" last night and almost opened a bottle of wine... but I didn't. I don't know if I will ever drink again... but I do know I want to give sobriety enough time to see some improvement. Three months? Six? It seems so LONG.
I know I cannot make the most of therapy drinking. That is my biggest driver right now. I want to get better. I cannot do it drunk.
Again, sorry for hijacking the thread. Didn't mean to make this about me.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,028
Originally Posted by ttbabp
i have in the past four weeks not woken up in the middle of the night with the sweats or a ridiculously nauseous stomach. I have not wasted an entire saturday in bed recovering, i have been present and productive for at least part of everyday and although i have said foolish things to people - i remember each and everything i said. Please do not give up - we - both of us - have to believe it will get better. It can only get worse if we drink.
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