Gringo

I was sober since the 14th and going to meetings and everything else I was supposed to do. Well I was surfing the daring website where I met my wife and lo and behold she put up a new profile. She is looking for a long term relationship. We have not even been separated a month and she is already putting herself out there.

Well I guess seeing that kind of destroyed me. I went to the liquor store and got some vodka and got smashed. Yes it was the wrong thing to do but seeing her beautiful face on that dating site put me over the edge and I totally lost it. I did the whole blackout thing and the whole nine yards.

Im trying to handle this without further drinking but I am emotionally wrecked.

instant

Feel for you. Can,t see anyway this is not going to hurt.

I had to get past using alcohol to try to avoid pain. it just made things worse.

MythOfSisyphus

Each time you drink things will get worse. I've pretty much been where you are now, and even though it seems like your world has ended, life really will go on. Divorce is awful, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Mine was probably the most painful thing I've ever went through in my life. But I survived, and I even fell in love again down the road.

Right now you just have to focus on getting well and being sober. Nothing else is in your control, just that. When you drink you lose control over the one single thing you can actually affect. Please bear in mind that despite all alcohol has already taken it can and will still take more. Booze is a greedy bastid.

Ghostlight

Sorry for your discovery. That would have been hard on about anyone, I imagine.

We're still here for you. We don't eat our wounded. Heck, I joined here five years ago and have two years sober. Many relapses.

Hang in there and try again, friend. We're with you.

bi11fish

Yeah look at that --I will take the poison hoping you die.
We are a curious lot thinking we can get back at someone by hurting ourselves.
Put down the drink and get back into the sober life you want.
Oh yeah and pray for the wife to have all the happiness and prosperity you want for yourself!!!!!

Minimus

Big deal. This is what alcoholics do. No surprises there. I did it plenty of times. It just what we do. It's why we are called alcoholics.

The surprising thing -the miraculous thing- is when we DON'T do it, i.e. when we become sober.

You had a slip. It's part of the trip. All that is necessary right now is to keep going to meetings and being honest.

Xune

You posted the exact same thing two days ago and received lots of responses.

Have you digested all the advice and concern you were already given and working on sobriety or are you feeling sorry for yourself?

Windancer

That must have been a shock and very painful.
You can get through this though. Without the bottle, which does only make it worse.
I understand that in the midst of a full blown addiction along with the pain and loss that goes with it that it can be very hard to stay sober sometimes. But that is the only thing that will help and help you to feel better in the end.

escapist

Get some help. Blackout drinking is not help. Commitment is lacking in your situation. You broke you commitment to stay sober, she broke her commitment to stay marrried. Now that you all have thrown your promises away life sucks. Re-commit yourself to your plan to stay sober and wait for the sun to shine again because it will. You know it will.

TorontoGuy28

Stop torturing yourself.

Your alcoholic mind is looking for excuses to drink. I know, I've been there.

For the next 90 days only work on sobriety.

When you go to meetings, do you do work ? What step are you on ?

Sobriety first. Always.

NapsteR1

Sorry about your situation and apologies if this sounds harsh but in getting smashed you've just entirely validated her reasons for moving on, plus damaged yourself some more in the process.

Result, she's further away from you than she was and you feel like crap, not really a win win mate?

EternalQ

You are only hurting yourself. You feel hurt by her and you are piling more on the heap by hurting yourself on TOP of feeilng hurt by her.

Do you see how all that does is put distance between dealing with your loss?

Your loss will still be there under the pile of vodka bottles that you throw upon it. I did this vodka bottle piling trick for 12 years after my husband left and my marriage collapsed.

Meanwhile he's remarried with a child, and I am just ten months sober and trying to figure out how to be a single person.

Can you even imagine how much I wish I had dealt with this 12 years ago?

Yes, I bet you can.

I can't undo what I've done. But I can hope someone else can learn from it.

Please don't do what I did.

desertsong

Months before my alcoholic husband and I split up, he had been cheating on me. Heck, he even brought the bimbo into my house while I was in rehab last September. When I got out of rehab, I asked him to move out and he did ... and moved right on in with the bimbo. Didn't seem hard at all for him to just move on after 20 years of marriage. It made me sick, and I drank over it a few times.

As our divorce process has been getting underway, I've been finding out more things that he's done that are just repulsive. Every day, I wonder why I never saw all of these character defects in him. I wonder how he could have just thrown me and the kids away like we were nothing, and just moved on with his life without a care in the world. The thought of drinking over all of these things - the pain, the anger, the resentment, the fear, the loneliness - has occurred to me more than once, believe me.

But poisoning myself doesn't hurt him ... it only hurts me. And I'm hurting enough without throwing alcohol onto the pain. So I trudge on. I call friends in AA, go to meetings, to go my outpatient treatment, and try to keep my mind and body busy. No, it isn't easy. But we have to go on. We can and DO survive, and we can even THRIVE. But we have to put the bottle down first.

I hope you are absorbing all of the great advice you're getting here. Please take care of yourself. I know you are hurting, but the pain will only become greater if you pour booze all over it. Be kind to yourself, spend as much time as you can here, and try to make this Day 1.

Gringo

I called my sponsor this morning and he came and took me to a meeting. I feel a little better.

ReadyAtLast

I hope you feel better soon

hamabi

Well done in making the call. Good that you know some people willing to make an effort in helping you out should you ask.

Pondlady

Keep up the meetings and keep off the dating site if it upsets you.

lilgolden73

I am still mighty confused ghost!! BUT....it may only be a month for you, sometimes people stay longer than they should in relationships and by the time its over you feel like you've been alone for years, even when its only been a month. Just PLEASE don't get plastered.....take care of you, get better, if something is meant to be it will all come full circle! Sorry if I sound harsh, don't mean too

NapsteR1

Good man, top work!

Delilah1

Glad you made that call and did something for you. The Internet is a wonderful, and terrible tool!! Each time you look at that site it upsets you, stop torturing yourself by looking. If you want to go online come here. If not do something to help improve you emotionally, physically, financially.