New to this. Advice welcome.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by missingmyself 
Hello all!
Just wanted to check in and say thanks for the support. Also to let you all know where I am right now. I actually spent most of the last two days resting. I'm sure my body needs it but I hate not being up and active. We are actually in the middle of a move from NC to FL. We have to get our house clean and inspected before we can go and that has been slow going with everything else that's going on. And we have decided to stay with my mother for a couple of weeks to save up some money also. We have to be down there by the 20th and that is an added stress right now.
My doctor won't help me. Funny since they are the ones who initially put me on this stuff. So I'm just taking what I have twice a day. Plus I've started taking cymbalta at night. I'm prescribed that but stopped taking it for a while. I wanted to just destroy my kadian and go cold turkey but my husband told me no. He doesn't want me to be miserably sick and I guess I can understand that. I just want to be done with it. I'm guessing it's the huge drop in my dose that has me so lethargic and emotional. Last night I slept ok but kept waking up with hot flashes. Not normal ones either. These were like being dipped in fire. But they would pass after about 30 to 60 seconds. I'm not sure if this is from the taper or starting the cymbalta. Who knows. Besides the flashes and some abdominal issues, lethargy and total lack of appetite I haven't experienced true withdrawl. I guess that's a blessing. I'm definitely not sick as a dog and even if I have no desire to do anything I can absolutely function if I force myself. I'm just having a hard time being happy and I'm so afraid that's going to cause an issue with my husband but so far he's been very supportive. I think I may handle things much better when we go to stay with my mother in a couple days. She always knows what to say to pick me up and to keep me from throwing myself a big ole pity party. She's an amazingly strong woman. I hope one day I can live and see life the way she does.
Anyways, I guess I had better get off of here and shower. I'm sure that can't make me feel any worse. My hubs wants to clean our house some and then take the kids somewhere fun later. He says it will be good for all of us to get out. I'm sure he's right. I just hope I actually find some joy in that. I almost feel guilty for not being happier. I mean I have been given a second chance at life, keeping my marriage and my family in tact and I'm down. I should be shouting from the hill tops. Not so much. I'm hoping that feeling comes soon. I was once a very vibrant and outgoing person. Right now I feel like a hermit crab. I guess it goes with the territory. Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed day. And I will check back in later to let you know how mine went and to read any replies.
Just wanted to check in and say thanks for the support. Also to let you all know where I am right now. I actually spent most of the last two days resting. I'm sure my body needs it but I hate not being up and active. We are actually in the middle of a move from NC to FL. We have to get our house clean and inspected before we can go and that has been slow going with everything else that's going on. And we have decided to stay with my mother for a couple of weeks to save up some money also. We have to be down there by the 20th and that is an added stress right now.
My doctor won't help me. Funny since they are the ones who initially put me on this stuff. So I'm just taking what I have twice a day. Plus I've started taking cymbalta at night. I'm prescribed that but stopped taking it for a while. I wanted to just destroy my kadian and go cold turkey but my husband told me no. He doesn't want me to be miserably sick and I guess I can understand that. I just want to be done with it. I'm guessing it's the huge drop in my dose that has me so lethargic and emotional. Last night I slept ok but kept waking up with hot flashes. Not normal ones either. These were like being dipped in fire. But they would pass after about 30 to 60 seconds. I'm not sure if this is from the taper or starting the cymbalta. Who knows. Besides the flashes and some abdominal issues, lethargy and total lack of appetite I haven't experienced true withdrawl. I guess that's a blessing. I'm definitely not sick as a dog and even if I have no desire to do anything I can absolutely function if I force myself. I'm just having a hard time being happy and I'm so afraid that's going to cause an issue with my husband but so far he's been very supportive. I think I may handle things much better when we go to stay with my mother in a couple days. She always knows what to say to pick me up and to keep me from throwing myself a big ole pity party. She's an amazingly strong woman. I hope one day I can live and see life the way she does.
Anyways, I guess I had better get off of here and shower. I'm sure that can't make me feel any worse. My hubs wants to clean our house some and then take the kids somewhere fun later. He says it will be good for all of us to get out. I'm sure he's right. I just hope I actually find some joy in that. I almost feel guilty for not being happier. I mean I have been given a second chance at life, keeping my marriage and my family in tact and I'm down. I should be shouting from the hill tops. Not so much. I'm hoping that feeling comes soon. I was once a very vibrant and outgoing person. Right now I feel like a hermit crab. I guess it goes with the territory. Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed day. And I will check back in later to let you know how mine went and to read any replies.
I'm sorry your doctor is not being helpful. I could go on a huge rant about that but will try to contain myself. It is very frustrating that they are more than happy to hand out opiates like crazy but then abandon us when we want to get off. (Sadly my doc did the same thing.)
Sounds like you're doing the right thing by just slowly tapering off your kadian. I think they are the ones with little pellets inside so you can probably use that in your taper, too. And hopefully find a really good doctor when you get to your new home.
I also encourage you to be patient with yourself. It's not reasonable to be expected to feel happy all the time while you're detoxing off of opiates. Well, it's not reasonable to be expected to be happy all the time period. That's not normal life and what drives us to using in the first place.
When going off opiates, or tapering, our minds and bodies are going through big changes and mood swings are a very normal part of that. Our minds/bodies have to learn a new normal off of the opiates and that just takes time.
Can you get some outside support? NA, therapy, rehab, outpatient rehab, etc.? Does your mom know what you are going through? Support is absolutely necessary in this process and can help you learn strategies to prevent using in the future, too.
And keep hanging out here at SR, too. It helps!
Take care.
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