Just saw my wife on a dating site
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
Just saw my wife on a dating site
Well I need to understand its over. She listed herself as single and shaved a year off of her age. I guess thats one less thing to worry about. Im not getting her back. To the people that are asking why I was on dating site I was just checking to see of she was there as that is where I met her.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 66
What woman doesn't shave a year off her age, actually men do it too! Maybe it's just the old profile. My bet is..............she is playing games with you! If you are unhealthy, most likely she really is too! And, you need to get honest with the ex you are living with now. You need to tell her this is just platonic & pay your way along the way.
9.11.10 I started Living
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Clark
Posts: 54
You can always look back, bud do your best NOT to stare. It took me almost 5 years to get over my ex-wife and there are still times I think of her specially we have 2 kids. But she'll never be a reason (excuse) for me to Drink again.
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by missylou 
What woman doesn't shave a year off her age, actually men do it too! Maybe it's just the old profile. My bet is..............she is playing games with you! If you are unhealthy, most likely she really is too! And, you need to get honest with the ex you are living with now. You need to tell her this is just platonic & pay your way along the way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Ghostman,
You are seperated from your wife, and living with someone else.
Your wife is allowed to date.
May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, (your wife's behavior), the courage to change the things you can (your drinking) and the wisdom to know the difference.
You are seperated from your wife, and living with someone else.
Your wife is allowed to date.
May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, (your wife's behavior), the courage to change the things you can (your drinking) and the wisdom to know the difference.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I glanced at one of you posts saying, you'd been sober over 6 years. Did I read that right? Were you in AA during this time??
We can't place conditions on our sobriety. Job or no job, wife or no wife etc. etc.
You should work on you and getting sober above anything else
We can't place conditions on our sobriety. Job or no job, wife or no wife etc. etc.
You should work on you and getting sober above anything else
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
No one, not even an ex with hopes wants a drunk living in their house for long. The next step down with your continued drinking is the streets. You won't like the streets.
The relationship you lost through drinking is an insufficient excuse for further drinking and further damage to those who are close to you.
If you can't stop drinking then the coming adventures will make your last weeks look like a picnic. Time to get hard and survive what you've done to your life. It will improve very slowly as it did the last time and you won't enjoy it for a while.
After some years you'll be attractive enough for another woman to take a chance on you, and perhaps you'll then have a different answer when disagreements take place.
Drink and suffer worsening disasters, or stop for good and improve slowly. You get to choose one.
The relationship you lost through drinking is an insufficient excuse for further drinking and further damage to those who are close to you.
If you can't stop drinking then the coming adventures will make your last weeks look like a picnic. Time to get hard and survive what you've done to your life. It will improve very slowly as it did the last time and you won't enjoy it for a while.
After some years you'll be attractive enough for another woman to take a chance on you, and perhaps you'll then have a different answer when disagreements take place.
Drink and suffer worsening disasters, or stop for good and improve slowly. You get to choose one.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Why did you start 2 threads on the same subject? I thought you said it was 2 months? The stories are confusing.
At any rate, you and she are separated. You live with another woman, who you since set boundaries with after you said it had been "so long" for her you made it sound like you were doing her a big favor by having sex with her.
All this leads up to searching dating sites "to see if your wife is there" only of course.
And you drank because you were upset.
I hope you take a step back and look at the big picture..wow to 6 yearsof sobriety! I'm betting you were a different person then. Please go back to being that person.
Btw, i joined a dating site and much to my surprise, Mr.Fandy's profile pops up! He used one of our vacation pictures! Boy did that pizz me off,but it was 4 years old
At any rate, you and she are separated. You live with another woman, who you since set boundaries with after you said it had been "so long" for her you made it sound like you were doing her a big favor by having sex with her.
All this leads up to searching dating sites "to see if your wife is there" only of course.
And you drank because you were upset.
I hope you take a step back and look at the big picture..wow to 6 yearsof sobriety! I'm betting you were a different person then. Please go back to being that person.
Btw, i joined a dating site and much to my surprise, Mr.Fandy's profile pops up! He used one of our vacation pictures! Boy did that pizz me off,but it was 4 years old
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
phew I hope you respond well to tough love Ghostman cos you seem to be getting both barrels here from some quarters...
I think it's natural you'd be upset at seeing this (and although I'm not proud of it now, I did my share of 'covert surveillance online' too so I understand that part as well)
Maybe in a way this is something you needed to see?
Rightly or wrongly fair or not, she's moving on...that much is clear.
You can pine for her, and wallow and be sad, and made bad decisions and drink some more...(like I did when relationships ended) or you can decide to pick yourself up, sort yourself out, and move on too...
I hope you'll choose the latter
D
I think it's natural you'd be upset at seeing this (and although I'm not proud of it now, I did my share of 'covert surveillance online' too so I understand that part as well)
Maybe in a way this is something you needed to see?
Rightly or wrongly fair or not, she's moving on...that much is clear.
You can pine for her, and wallow and be sad, and made bad decisions and drink some more...(like I did when relationships ended) or you can decide to pick yourself up, sort yourself out, and move on too...
I hope you'll choose the latter
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
questions I'm asking myself that may pertain to your situation as well...
how much does what I do pertain to "him" and how much of what "he " does pertain to me.
I went by my ex's place (our former home together) to get some of my personal belongings. He clearly has an entrenched girlfriend. Ouch? Hmmm
I have a boyfriend. My having one has nothing to do with my ex. I didn't get my boyfriend to "show" my ex anything. There may have been some need to prove to MYSELF that I am still desireable. But I never let my ex or even my kids know I was seeing someone.
SO...does his dating have anything to do with ME? Like am I so "easily" replaced? Or is he needed to prove he's still got it, or did he just meet someone he enjoys being with and heck, we've been apart for a few years and he wants companionship...just like me.
On days I wake up paranoid about my own life, and start making decisions based on outside situations...that's when I start assuming that others are doing the same thing.
This is a hard time of year for me. I experience a LOT of disordered thinking. It's good for me to remember this, slow down and get a second opinion from people who have my best interest at heart.
how much does what I do pertain to "him" and how much of what "he " does pertain to me.
I went by my ex's place (our former home together) to get some of my personal belongings. He clearly has an entrenched girlfriend. Ouch? Hmmm
I have a boyfriend. My having one has nothing to do with my ex. I didn't get my boyfriend to "show" my ex anything. There may have been some need to prove to MYSELF that I am still desireable. But I never let my ex or even my kids know I was seeing someone.
SO...does his dating have anything to do with ME? Like am I so "easily" replaced? Or is he needed to prove he's still got it, or did he just meet someone he enjoys being with and heck, we've been apart for a few years and he wants companionship...just like me.
On days I wake up paranoid about my own life, and start making decisions based on outside situations...that's when I start assuming that others are doing the same thing.
This is a hard time of year for me. I experience a LOT of disordered thinking. It's good for me to remember this, slow down and get a second opinion from people who have my best interest at heart.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Ghostman...
Yep, it hurts. Like a kick in the gut, or teeth. Worse than that actually. But, what I have learned to do is take situations like that and use them as opportunities to learn to meet pain and grief head on and not be afraid. Sounds really stupid and trite, but for me it's how fearlessness begins and feeling victimized ends.
For me, I find that if I don't use these events to learn, they will keep being presented to me over and over again, in some form or another. My suffering will escalate or de-escalate...not proportional to the event itself, but proportional to my feelings about the event.
Pain is not necessarily bad. The tradegy is when pain is wasted and nothing is gained from the experience.
Sorry to be blunt...but the whole drinking thing is just dumb.
Yep, it hurts. Like a kick in the gut, or teeth. Worse than that actually. But, what I have learned to do is take situations like that and use them as opportunities to learn to meet pain and grief head on and not be afraid. Sounds really stupid and trite, but for me it's how fearlessness begins and feeling victimized ends.
For me, I find that if I don't use these events to learn, they will keep being presented to me over and over again, in some form or another. My suffering will escalate or de-escalate...not proportional to the event itself, but proportional to my feelings about the event.
Pain is not necessarily bad. The tradegy is when pain is wasted and nothing is gained from the experience.
Sorry to be blunt...but the whole drinking thing is just dumb.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
