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Old 12-27-2012, 06:23 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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This has to be heartbreaking... I have a knot in my stomach just reading it. Last year when my sister and her boyfriend were fighting, we found his pic and profile on match.com. Oh my gosh I wanted to strangle him for doing that to my poor little sister!

It sounds like you are dealing with someone who, although hurt and unhappy with aspects of your marriage, is also a bit sneaky and dishonest? I don't know her just a guess. In any case, drinking won't fix it I'm afraid. Just keep trying. We are your friends here.
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Old 12-27-2012, 06:35 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I am really sorry. I have been trough something similar. Mine had actually had sex with someone else around the same time 2 months.

Now trust me on this. This will kill your self esteem completely if you dwell and drink. I don't want to hurt you but please realize what kind of person she is and What your relationship meant to HER. I spent a year trying to get mine back explaining what the relationship meant to ME.

You are worth more then that friend, way more!! Walk with your dignity, don't do Wath I did. I nearly drink myself to death while she dated and slapped around. My prayers are with you.

Btw you don't need to justify why you were on sites. I did the same because My instincts knew she was on a site to find her meat supply.
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Old 12-27-2012, 07:28 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I'm very sorry to hear this. Please know that I am sending prayers and good thoughts your way. Believe me, I know it's sooooo difficult, but please find it in yourself to get away from the drink. Get rid of it.
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:03 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Something doesn't feel right with your post. I have read your other posts & you seem really ummmm dependent on women to make you feel better about yourself. You moved from one woman to the next woman, who is an ex! And, now you might be looking on a dating site to find another? You also mentioned the only reason you moved in with your ex is because the only other choice is homelessness, so maybe you could visit some job sites instead. My advice is leave the women alone right now, focus on yourself & forget about your wife & future wives.
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:32 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ghostman1960 View Post
I saw my wifes profile on a dating site. I went out and drank. Its not even been two months. I want to die.
Three weeks into my recovery and 30 minutes before we were to leave for a party with free booze, I found out my wife was having an affair.

I chose not to drink that night and everyday since. When has being drunk ever solved a problem or made things better?

I choose sobriety and I choose not to drink.

You have that choice as well.
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Old 12-28-2012, 06:27 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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This has nothing to do with your ex. You felt a feeling you didn't like to feel. So you drank.

Now, how are you going to get to a place where you don't choose to drink when you feel a feeling you don't like to feel?

THAT is the issue. THAT is ALL OF OUR issues. It's what we have in common.

Life keeps coming at us. We will feel things we'd rather now, our challenge is to do something constructive in response.

The first favor we can give ourselves is to stop looking for things to upset us. EX means it's over. Stop looking for information concerning her that is likely to upset you.

AND work hard on recovery.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:01 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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That's what she expected you to do. Drinking that is. Now prove her wrong. Try to forget for awhile what she may think, what she may do. Focus on what you plan to do. Are you willing to continue drinking over it, ready to "give in"? Or can you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get things underway for yourself- not for anyone else. For yourself. Because you're worth saving. You can do it. Lots of folks on this website cheering for you. Go for it. Good luck

W.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:13 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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If you stay sober for life you have a chance to get her back. If you drink then there is no chance. If you meet her in town and she sees you fresh and sober, she might give you another chance. But otherwise she will run... Stay strong.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:20 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ghostman1960 View Post
I saw my wifes profile on a dating site. I went out and drank. Its not even been two months. I want to die.
I understand. I had a gf cheat on me before, and I told a psychologist about it. And you know what he told me?

"If she wants to eat crud instead of steak, you go ahead and let her."

I didn't feel so bad after that. Take the high road. And not the the high road attained by drinking. You can, and will get through this.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:22 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Healthyfood View Post
If you stay sober for life you have a chance to get her back.
Why would he want her back at this point? She's clearly moved on. And so should he.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:32 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Too much, "why did you do this or why did Ghost do that". Remember that we all have made terrible decisions while drinking. I know I would like to take many of mine back. The question is, do you own those bad decisions and are you willing to learn from them? Our struggles in our personal lives are just the excuses to drink. It could be a wife, boyfriend, job or just some random event. This time it was your wife but next time it will be something else, trust me. Life happens, sober or not. Like many have said, the only thing that will make it worse is drinking again. You have already been there and done that. Try something new, sobriety. Long term I think you will find much better results.
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:31 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Kind of makes me think of the song Escape where the people answer each other's personal ads...it would be comical if Ghost answered her ad and she responded to him. However, it would be a really bad idea to do that as it would violate the order so I'm not recommending it, just saw a tiny bit of humor with the "what if" train of thought.

You got some really good advice here...please think about what people have said. Be strong!
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