PeteMitchell

I'm new to this, in my mid 30s and have always been a ridiculous drinker/partier. As my friends would say "___ brings the effing fun!" But I've always known I was way beyond the average drinker, acknowledging that I'm pretty much a functioning alcoholic binge drinker (with the occasional amount of blow/ecstasy/shrooms/etc. - fyi, i don't include weed) but last week was the culmination of the worst week of my life. Was away on vacation at an all-inclusive, got really really bad news about work and proceeded to check out and not care about my life, my health, or my sanity. Drank more than any human should ever consume, did more blow than anyone should (not that it should ever been done in the first place), got arrested by local corrupt police. At one point I was so out of my mind given the 50+ drinks (i'm not exaggerating) and the 5 bags of blow I came this close to beating or at least trying to beat them up. Plus, it was all a setup anyway. So I proceeded to spend hours detained and eventually shaken down. I was shuttled from ATM to ATM which constantly kept rejecting my card since I had maxed it out for the day. But that's not the worst part. The worst was being in the back of that "policia" cop car for hours and saying to myself, EFF it, i just don't care anymore at all what happens to me. I'm done. Eventually I got released a few blocks from my resort, went back and proceeded to spend the next 2 days getting sun and alcohol poisoning. Got back to home town saturday and haven't touched a drink yet. I know I never want to ever go back to the place I was in but I'm also not sure if I can do it on my own. I'm a pretty strong minded guy and I don't think I need AA or anything but how many times have we all heard that before? Tell me I'm not alone

Sapling

Alone in what?...not needing AA?....Sounds to me like you're lucky to be alive.

PeteMitchell

no, i'm completely aware of that. i meant alone in what i experienced. just looking for a little support or encouragement. that's why I joined

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Pete

Try not to think of it in terms of need, rather necessity. If you are the sort to say 'f*ck it' often then you are probably going to have to have some kind of help. It needn't be AA though... check out things like AVRT and Smart recovery. And you may need to change your lifestyle a bit. You're in a good place for support though x

Sapling

Here is some encouragement...I almost drank myself to death...Without the coke. Those are pretty amazing amounts you are talking about....All I can tell you...Is there are ways out...If doesn't have to be AA...That's what worked for me. You have to be ready to do it...Whatever it is...And then the hard part...Do it. I'm glad you are here.

PeteMitchell

much appreciated ... and i don't mean to sound that arrogant (for lack of a better way of putting it) that i might not need AA. fact of the matter is, i definitely need something. my dad was in AA so i guess repeating his life is what makes me want to avoid. and probably in turn exacerbates the problem in the first place. i will say that in the past i've had moments where i've said to myself "no, i'm not drinking anymore" and 2 weeks later I'm hammered in some bar. but this does feel different. it was definitely a rock bottom. i can't do that anymore. and i can't stand to bear the thought of how my life has been impeded since i started drinking and what could have been had i never touched the stuff

Sapling

Can I ask how AA worked for your dad?

hamabi

You don't care to maintain sobriety úsing AA and prefer to do it yourself.

I guess I don't understand...is there something stopping you from doing that?

If you do it, great. If you can't then eventually you'll catch on and can make the adjustments you need to make.

PeteMitchell

my dad? back in the 80s he ended up being completely chemically dependent on alcohol, was divorced (my brothers and i were living with our mother), hit his own rock bottom, went to detox and got clean but was literally all alone. so he just went to AA meetings every day, multiple times daily if needed, until he found his own meetings that were right for him, got a great sponsor and never looked back. he's always joked with us at holidays how he can watch us drink and say, "man, i don't miss that ... "

PeteMitchell

but by the way, speaking of which, this past christmas i shockingly had no desire to drink. usually i'm in a constant state of intoxication. not this time, didn't even consider it. that's gotta be good news, right?

Sapling

That's what I did with my family yesterday...Well at least you know it works. You know...It doesn't matter to me how you get sober...I just hope you do....I've seen how it progresses....And I've seen people die from it....choose your path...And get going. This is a good place to hang out....Use it.

FreeFall

Welcome Pete! You have to start somewhere, and joining SR is a great first step. You can do this, either with the help of AA or with another method that's a better fit for you. I'm doing it without AA but know that it's there if I need the extra support-many people here swear by their program. Personally, the concepts of AVRT and urge surfing were helpful, as well as posting and reading on SR a lot. It sounds like you're ready to make a positive change!

You can still bring the fun, it just takes a bit to get used to being sober. You'll be learning new habits, but can still be social. As they say on our July class thread "Sober is the new cool".

veryready

That is good news. If you have no desire to drink, this would be a great time to quit.

"I know I never want to ever go back to the place I was..."

I felt the same way 1000's of times. Finally just gave up and realized there was only one way to guarantee 'it' didn't happen again. Stick with this site. There are people here that can speak from experience no matter what the question or struggle.

PeteMitchell

I'm definitely scared of what may happen next though, like in a week or two, when I'm back to feeling good and say, screw it, I'm having a beer. You know, just one with dinner ... Or when friends call me about New Year's in a couple days. I guess I'll know where I'll be posting

escapist

HI Pete. This is a good place to start with sobriety. There are lots of people in your shoes here as you will see while reading different posts. You can figure out how to get sober. I did.

veryready

Sometimes I could have one. Sometimes I could go a week. But most times I would over due it. Too often it then included doing something incredibly stupid or embarrassing or dangerous or hurtful. I just got sick of it.

I'm still pretty new here, but nice to know when I do something stupid now, it is just me being a dope.

TrixMixer

Edited by TrixMixer for space
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WOW! You sound like quit a guy, Pete.

I was in my 30"s when I quit and had "friends" who thought I brought the fun too........reality check......That's because they are freakin drunks too??

So first get rid of them--let them find someone else to entertain their lazy ---

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I did not like AA either, but went to an addiction counselor for one on one support. AA may be something you can try again later on, it helped your dad and many others here
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Eh , hate to break this to you Pete , but your not high functioning anything--you are an alcoholic and we alcoholics are CURSED with an amazing tolerance for alcohol . 5 drinks for us is like one to someone else. and obviously you were not high functioning enough to stay out of a MEXICAN jail!!
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Further more you are into recreational drugs of which I know nothing about, but in the amounts you are doing , you are lucky you were thrown in jail and not the morgue.----------
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If I seem like a real ----- it is only because you have your whole life ahead of you and this is not the way you want to start out, trust me--Please seek out an addiction counselor before your next "all inclusive ADVENTURE " kills you.

Just sayin and only MY opinion.

avocado

dude, we're in a similar place, though I'll say your recent exploits are beyond mine. last weeke i got hammered for my birthday, two days later smoked a bunch of crack, the next morning woke up on a couch and started drinking at the bar at 9am. my 2am the following morning i was arrested for public intoxication and brought to a hospital and kept overnight for a bal of about .3. and that doesn't even approach my top ten of drunken exploits.

we all screw up. the bottom line is - you do need some kind of help, whether it's AA or not only you can decide. but, you are similar to me, it seems - a smart person who when alcohol strikes all caution goes out the window and becomes almost a different person. i'm at the point now, though, where i want a better life than the one i've had for the past year, across the board. and i know alcohol is only going to inhibit or even destroy the possibility of that happening.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family pete. No, definitely you are not alone. Good news is you're dealing with this in your 30's - I waited until my 50's. By the time I saw the light, my life was chaos.

You're right to be wary of what'll happen when you start to feel better. For years I rode that rollercoaster. I remember insisting I could use willpower to have just 'a few'. It never worked that way for me. It was so hard to admit I couldn't touch it ever again. I'm glad you joined us - not being alone with this has made all the difference to me. My family & friends just didn't get it.

Wharf Rat

Good luck Pete. I don't have much to offer since I'm new in sobriety (8 days). I haven't yet decided if I'm going to AA either, its such a complete change of lifestyle. But what lifestyle am I really holding onto, the one that sees me getting ripped everynight by myself and ruining everything I touch?