I am so glad Christmas is over.
 

Normally I love Christmas. But this year was the worst one ever as I relapsed in November and was not allowed to spend it with my loved ones. If I did not have to work a 10 hour shift yesterday I think I would have lost it entirely. Im still distraught.

I think you need to remember that you were not "being allowed to spend it with your loved ones" was directly caused by your actions.

You cannot undo what happened, but you can move forward by making better decisions. If you miss your wife so badly, why are you living and having physical relations with an Ex?

I hope you can get some counseling and feel better soon. I would be thrilled to say I have 6 years sobriety as you did.

I guess Im just vulnerable at the moment. Yes I miss her but she does not want me and I am slightly bitter about that. I think she over reacted and went for the nuclear option. Not everything she said was true in her injunction statement either. I have a lot of bitterness over that. Right now I have 2 choices, staying with the ex or homelessness. Hell she has a checking account with her ex husband. Thats part of what started the fight that night. I am sure she does not care if I have a place to stay or if Im dead or alive.

actually, it was not 'directly caused by his actions' alone. it was also directly caused by her response to his actions, which is arguably over-the-top and extreme. people screw up and make mistakes and should not be punished to unwarranted extremes for them.

i hope everything works out for ya, ghostman. christmas is an oppressive time of the year for people who are feeling bad. consider it done, you have a new year ahead to work on your life and your future.

well if you were married for a very short time, you might do better to seek an anullment and undo this relationship....maybe things happen for a reason and it was a mistake to go into marriage with so many loose ends and untold factors.

There may be other options for you, but you seem to think living with an Ex is your only way. If you do not care for her, this too is very dishonest...you are using her. time to figure out your life, wish you the best for some peace of mind.

My ex is a big girl and she knows the score. There is no dishonesty involved. I am not using her. She offered to let me stay here.

Ghostman, sorry you're so upset. The holidays can be really hard emotionally. Perhaps in time, if your wife did overreact, she will consider giving you another chance. Meanwhile, try to make each day forward count for something positive. Try to be aware of your ex's feelings as well as you pool resources to help each other.

Im starting to have some bitterness towards my wife for having me put in jail for breaking the injunction by leaving a 30 second voice mail telling her I loved her and would miss her. To me that was down right cruel.

One non threatening phone call should not equal jail time-that seems really insane. Maybe that was just the last straw for her and she snapped. At any rate, it's over and done with now, and can't be undone. I think it's normal to feel angry in a situation like that, but bitterness never helps or solves anything. Just try to get through the feelings and move forward.

sorry, I misunderstood you lamenting about why you slept with her when you posted about it...

you are consenting adults, do what you think is best.

For me, Xmas sucks. I just can't get into the Xmas spirit and the day is the worst day of the year for me. It's got nothing to do with my immediate family. I get along with them just fine, but they're in other parts of the country.

I haven't been to an Xmas event for quite some time and have no desire to. Just find it horrific. I wouldn't mind getting together with my family for a reunion at any other time, but not Xmas. The holiday haunts me like a specter. There's a month of preparation for a day that really doesn't do anything for me at all.

Just tell people you love them at any time. People are hesitant to do that, and gifts at an appointed time mean so much less than someone being able to say those 3 simple words. But lying on your deathbed having never said those words is.... well, fill in the blank.

:whoop

Well the sleeping part was a mistake that will not be repeated. I guess I was vulnerable and its been a long time for her and I was someone she saw as safe I suppose. We have discussed it and boundaries have been set.

It may be insane but if there is a court order in place its not just that its one phone call its a direct violation of a judge's order - that's completely ignoring the law which does not make judges and law enforcement preople happy,

Nonetheless I do sympathesize with you ghostman but I have to give you advise I always hate getting. Only you can majke things right and things may not work out the way you want. I wish you the best. Keep us updated on how you are doing

I agree. This year was awful for my entire family. We were all separated and alone on Christmas pretty much... Going to see my sis today. We were going to catch Les Miserables in theatre and have lunch to celebrate the end of a tough year and the end of Christmas!!! Glad I don't have to do it again for 365!!!

Is it really ? What were all the things YOU did to get to this point in the road.

Recovery is about accepting YOU and not what OTHERS do...

Put down the drink, pick up sobriety and shut up.. Action changes things not words..

Show her you mean to change and become the person your meant to be without drinking , and then and only then can anything happen if its going to..

Actually right now Im not so sure I am interested in showing her anything right now. I am pretty bitter. The drinks have been put down since the 14th.

Thats great than slowly move on.. I hope you find a program to work and relieve yourself of feeling that anger and bitterness. It will truly eat away at you, and could really threaten your sobriety..

And congrats on 11 days.. Great start, its only gets better. :)

Keep reading and posting..