Jibberish
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Jibberish
I keep asking myself questions I already know the answers to. I circle back every day or few days to see if the answers changed. They don't.
I ask the same thing in different ways and conjure up new ideas leading to the same answers.
There are so many huge decisions to be made. I am in the moments where my life will certainly take a new path.
I have been here before but never so aware of it. Guess that's a benefit of age.
It used to be the biggest question needing an answer was when am I going to stop. That's been answered. I am stopped. And to this point I cannot bring myself to consider picking up again. I have lost to much.
Not drinking or using is not the goal here. It is a means to an end. Living life is the goal.
The recent events in my life have rattled my cage open. I can see the way out. Just have to learn to fly again.
I ask the same thing in different ways and conjure up new ideas leading to the same answers.
There are so many huge decisions to be made. I am in the moments where my life will certainly take a new path.
I have been here before but never so aware of it. Guess that's a benefit of age.
It used to be the biggest question needing an answer was when am I going to stop. That's been answered. I am stopped. And to this point I cannot bring myself to consider picking up again. I have lost to much.
Not drinking or using is not the goal here. It is a means to an end. Living life is the goal.
The recent events in my life have rattled my cage open. I can see the way out. Just have to learn to fly again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You've mentioned that you are attending AA...
My experience in 2nd and 3rd steps was that a lot of that internal dialog, trying to find some meaning, some higher purpose, a reason... all that constant questioning... it went away, for the most part
.
My experience in 2nd and 3rd steps was that a lot of that internal dialog, trying to find some meaning, some higher purpose, a reason... all that constant questioning... it went away, for the most part
.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
One step at a time , just get through each day .
I've certainly found dwelling on the past or the future too much can effect my feelings right now, focusing on what i can do now/ today this week is the pertinent thing .
Living in the past brings regrets i never did blah blah blah or someone else didn't , living in the future sometimes means i can't live up to my own high expectations or i get worried that it's all down hill from here to a lonely death .
So to get through i have to deal with right now and just a little bit of past and future as afterall the future may not play out as i expect and the past is seen through ones remenicence of perception and isn't true reality .
Bestwishes, M
I've certainly found dwelling on the past or the future too much can effect my feelings right now, focusing on what i can do now/ today this week is the pertinent thing .
Living in the past brings regrets i never did blah blah blah or someone else didn't , living in the future sometimes means i can't live up to my own high expectations or i get worried that it's all down hill from here to a lonely death .
So to get through i have to deal with right now and just a little bit of past and future as afterall the future may not play out as i expect and the past is seen through ones remenicence of perception and isn't true reality .
Bestwishes, M
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Since my bottom on 12/9 I have had such a change in perspectives. I feel I cannot sit around anymore. I need to make some life changing decisions.
I needed a car so I bought that last week. Love it. Need to get my resume updated and online stuff. Need to visit a few cities to see if I want to live there. Need to plan a move and look for a new job.
So I am staying small in thinking. Being sober first. All other stuff second.
Day 17 here. Feel great physically!
Just wading through it all.
I feel alive for the first time in a very very long time.
I needed a car so I bought that last week. Love it. Need to get my resume updated and online stuff. Need to visit a few cities to see if I want to live there. Need to plan a move and look for a new job.
So I am staying small in thinking. Being sober first. All other stuff second.
Day 17 here. Feel great physically!
Just wading through it all.
I feel alive for the first time in a very very long time.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ken, it sounds like a move would be a good move for you, literally. Sometimes people move hoping that a new location will fix everything, but I don't think that's what you're doing. Sometimes we need to start fresh in a location that is good for our soul. You can learn so much about places online now-it should be a fun process thinking about where to live next.
Agree on small steps and living for the present. Just solve what you can solve for that day each day. It adds up to a lot of accomplishments over time.
Agree on small steps and living for the present. Just solve what you can solve for that day each day. It adds up to a lot of accomplishments over time.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
FF .... You always seem to get me.
Yes... I know full well my addictions are in tow. I accept that. I am not a fan of Long Island. I feel dead here. This move is because I never planned on staying here all along. So addiction has nothing to do with the reason for the move but has a lot to do where I land.
I need a fun healthy city. Considering Denver co. Anywhere is going to depend on what I make of it anyway. Just Long Island is not for me.
K
Yes... I know full well my addictions are in tow. I accept that. I am not a fan of Long Island. I feel dead here. This move is because I never planned on staying here all along. So addiction has nothing to do with the reason for the move but has a lot to do where I land.
I need a fun healthy city. Considering Denver co. Anywhere is going to depend on what I make of it anyway. Just Long Island is not for me.
K
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
The only decision, important decision
I have to make today is don't drink. If
it means making a meeting, sitting in
the back of the room, hot cup of coffee
in hand, out of the cold for one hour,
dont think about nothing else, leave
the world outside those doors, focus
and obsorb the best I can, then that
is all I need to do for myself today.
If I can wake up sober and not drink
today with a little bit of recovery information
in my brain to think about during the day,
then I should be able to stay sober for
24 hours.
Everything else, nothing else is important as
staying sober for a newcomer or someone
returning to the rooms of recovery.
I have to make today is don't drink. If
it means making a meeting, sitting in
the back of the room, hot cup of coffee
in hand, out of the cold for one hour,
dont think about nothing else, leave
the world outside those doors, focus
and obsorb the best I can, then that
is all I need to do for myself today.
If I can wake up sober and not drink
today with a little bit of recovery information
in my brain to think about during the day,
then I should be able to stay sober for
24 hours.
Everything else, nothing else is important as
staying sober for a newcomer or someone
returning to the rooms of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Hi Weasel 
I agree with FreeFall. I've always had such a desire to be grounded, to somehow live where I am supposed to be. Finally, after moving, moving, moving I found that place and it is extraordinary. Being in the right place Did make a difference for me and I have found sobriety, health, and love here. And it is mine and I won't have to go.
Best wishes to you
I agree with FreeFall. I've always had such a desire to be grounded, to somehow live where I am supposed to be. Finally, after moving, moving, moving I found that place and it is extraordinary. Being in the right place Did make a difference for me and I have found sobriety, health, and love here. And it is mine and I won't have to go.Best wishes to you
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