How a relapse means the worst Xmas Ever!!!
 

Hello all,

Been a little while since i've been here and that's my own fault. As of last wed. I had around 50 days sober. I had seen a doctor about anxiety and had the support of my sponsor going to as many meetings as I could and thought i was doing fairly well.

My father and I live in a town house in our hometown a few days a week to work till he hit retirement, while actually him and my mother built a lake house on Smith Lake here in Alabama and spend most of their time there. Well my mother happened to be in town for a couple of days at the town house, which normally would have been a pleasant visit.

See a few weeks prior to her arrival I decided to clean out all the clutter that my alcoholic mind had collected or squirreled away.....basically a spring cleaning of house and mind.....oh yeah and like most alcoholics a hidden stash of booze. I thought I had it all out till I found one bottle....staring me in the face in my room. I work as a chef and work was HELL that Wed. night when I got home and found it. I stared at it for the longest time and then my will caved and I became weak, pretty sure I cried as I drank it.

Well I ended up passing out in my recliner in my room reading a book when my mother who couldn't sleep came up stairs to ask me how my night was. Well the next morning I go down stairs to my mother and father on the couch....they are fully aware of the problem i have and were devestated and angry....this when on for a while.

I was invited to come to their lake house for Christmas....which has been awkward at times. Well I'm riding back to Decatur to the townhouse with my father and mentioned to my mother that i need to gather up my cat Chuck's things for the trip? .......(silence) She responds that he's staying there with her? Well this strange moment brought on the awful family pow wow.

To sum it up I have to move out of the town house in a week.....my credit isn't the best so thats gonna be fun? Have to hire movers? Or I was told to look into the Salvation Army for a bed....

I know I did horribly wrong with my relapse but I went to my sponsor and to a meeting with my group and admitted to them my relapse. Years ago my mother tried to OD cause she had depression and everyone bent over backward for a year getting her all the help she needed. This was my first and i PRAY TO GOD my last.....but i feel like cast out trash with no hope and my cat Chuck is like my child.....this is breaking my heart to be without him.

I've never felt so HEARTBROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or LOST!

Hope everyone is having a better Christmas than me God Bless

Hi Autiger, Sorry to hear what's going on...the best place to start getting well is right where you are. One little step in the right direction-doing the next right thing, then do the next right thing again...and again. Surround yourself with people who support your move in the direction of recovery. ((HUGS))

Tiger:
You relapsed. That was your decision. But no one's perfect and all the literature says that relapses often happen. If there's a relapse that certainly does not mean that a fellow has not made some progress, considerable progress in your case. I hope I'm not too judgmental but my impression is that your other family members overreacted, that you should not have been put out of the town house where you were living and that your cat should be restored to you as soon as you have a stable place to live. It's your cat, not theirs.
If you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and pick up where you left off in sobriety, I'm with you all the way, on your team rooting for you. I'm particularly impressed at how you went back to your AA group and shared about this. Hope they all gave you tons of support. Hope all this family stuff doesn't make it harder for you to get the show back on the road. It's all for you and only you can do it. Don't do it for them. They don't understand. Do it for you. From the looks of things, although you are temporarily living in a confused situation, you're doing just great. You've made tons of progress and you deserve congratulations and support, not criticism. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

W.

Hey Autiger,

I'm sorry for your situation. I really can't offer you any solid advice about what to do when looking for emergency accomodation because I live in the UK and I'm not sure on the methods they use in America. I know it seems like you are being treated unfairly at the moment. It's truly soul crushing being chucked out of the house by people you assume love you. The thing is they probably do love you and see this as their tough love move. I got chucked out too at the beginning of this year because I relapsed. By far the best thing that ever happened to me. I left, went to rehab and got sorted out far quicker than I would have done if I had somewhere to live.

I wish I could say something that would cheer you up but the only thing I can do is offer you my experience of this type of situation. I just hope you try and enjoy the rest of the festive season. You have to go through pain to truly appreciate joy.

Natom.

Sorry you are having a tough time AuTiger. It sucks that this is happening to you. A week seems like an awfully short amount of time to sort your stuff out... Maybe when things calm down a bit they will let you stay a bit longer til you can sort something else out. Maybe this could be a new beginning for you though too. Keep moving forwards and I am sure everything will work out xxx

A slip is a slip; it isn't the end of the world.
50 days was good, I'm only 35 days.
Anxiety of self and family makes it tough but in the long run benzos and booze simply add to all the problems.
Some meditation could help, along with the support from your A.A. group.
Sneaky alcohol is always out there just waiting to trap us.

I'm sorry autiger.
Is there a bit of history behind the decision to ask you to leave?

I hope you'll be able to find somewhere quickly :)

D

So sorry to hear about this. Im going through the same thing too with the relapse. I really wish maybe you could reason with your parents to let you stay. Maybe they need to just process it a little then sleep on it. We gotta dust ourselves off and just keep being the good people we know we are.

I relapsed after six years the day before thanksgiving. I lost my wife, was thrown out of my house and was thrown in jail twice. This is all within two weeks of taking that drink.

@Dee74 I been a highly functional alcoholic for years and yes my parents asked me to speak to a friend about aa 8yrs ago but i was to stubborn and thought I had all the answers....then I lived in birmingham, al working for the 7yrs and recently moved home. I voluntarily asked for my fathers friend who initally spoke to me about aa and this time I knew I need it BADLY....I was depressed, anxiety through the roof etc, etc. I get up at 4:3am cst time most days to make a meeting at 5:30 to here the wise old timers talk.....they knew I was making progress, but this was my first relapse and they simply just emotionally crushed me and said they couldn't be around me right now. My cat loves my parents so he'll be ok, I'll just miss him. Since my recovery started I cut off friends, situations and temptations and coming home to the unconditional love of a my Chuck cat was always a welcomed blessing. Yes I'm NO saint by far.....but for this news to fall like an axe on Christmas day is too much.....beyond depressed! and have not a clue of what to do.....ugh heartache!

Hi Autiger,
I am sad to hear you relapsed, you said that the stress of work and the bottle just being there led to the relapse. You sound quite vulnerable in your recovery but sincere about getting sober.
Would this be a good time for you to enter a rehab program, take time out to focus on your recovery. I think hurtful things were said by both parties during the pow wow. Time out is needed. You mentioned that your Mum took time out to heal herself and that was the sensible thing to do and people supported her.
Talk to your sponsor about what happened and what was said. Have you done your 4th step yet?
As long as you don't pick up a drink things will improve, you know that, use this relapse as a Wakeup call to work more on your program of sobriety.
All the best
CaiHong

But you still work though right? I know you said your credit isn't good but how feasible is it that you can get your own place, or a house share or something? It's really unfortunate that your parents have come to this decision but this is something which is outside of your control. It must be really unsettling for you so maybe it is best to go to a few extra meetings so at least you have a familiar base. It is horrible that you are having to go through this, but things can only get better x

Sorry that happened, lots of good suggestions. Maybe if you try talking to them about your plan for staying sober they will reconsider. Hang in there.:)

I'm sorry this is happening.

I hope you find a way to stay sober. This could be the chance you need to turn your life around.

Do you belong to a church? If so you might talk to them and they might be able to find you temporary lodging. Otherwise, the state or city run social services. And of course, as your parents suggested, the Salvation Army. Once you get back on the track and regain your parents confidence they may revise the tough love program which it sounds like their pursuing. Eventually you'll get your cat back but that cat should be careful that he's not an enabler. And you in denial if the cat probably doesn't care whether you drink as long as it gets fed. I haven't met the cat so I can't tell whether it dislikes the drinking. I can't figure why the AA folks said they couldn't "be around" you right now. Are you misinterpreting them? Are they merely saying that they can't help unless you convince them that you're really trying to work the program? If so, then try to convince them that you mean business. And do everything to get this through to your parents. It may be tough if they've heard all this before....

W.

Salvation Army, detox, rehab, sober living, room mates.

You have an opportunity for a new beginning on your own. I really wish you well at this difficult time. Sounds like your parents had enough and are now sticking to their boundaries and it doesn't feel good at all. Hugs

You're gonna be okay if ya stay stopped!