HelloHiHey

I'm here just trying to find some support from people who share similar experiences. Too many bad things have happened over the years while being drunk. Recently it's been affecting my work, and my health. I'm miserable, but hopeful that I can change.

It's hard, as culturally alcohol is a big part of my life. I make beer, I make wine, and I am active in these communities. I love the flavors, the processes, and the events, but 90% of the time the night ends dramatically... Jail, broken bones, being sick as a dog at work.

I made it almost 90 days a few years ago and these were the best days I can remember. I attended AA meetings everyday for the first two months and then moved, stopped attending meetings, got a new job and started drinking again.

8 months later I had alienated everyone (at least it felt that way) in my new town, and was failing at my job (though I resigned to backpack S. America.) I started traveling trying to find purpose. Things got pretty rough for a bit, but have gotten myself into a decent situation. Been so stressed working 65 hours a week, went through botched surgery recently, and just solving it all with drinking more and more.

I just want to not feel terrible. I want to work hard and feel honest. Im scared to stop drinking as it feels like a lot to lose, but it's not worth the cost. I hope to start working on this again. Sorry for the long post. This seems like a good place to get feelings out, and I don't have access to meetings where I'm at right now. Merry Christmas... Or festivus...

Hevyn

Welcome HelloHiHey. You've found a great place for support and encouragement. We all understand how you feel - we've been there in one way or another. You're no longer alone.
Glad to have you with us - you can do this.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!! You will find a lot of suppor here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LadyinBC

I know I was afraid to stop drinking, it was like losing a friend. There is a grieving process when we stop drinking. I had to find a new way to cope.

I haven't come out of this healthy. My teeth are screwed up and I have to get most of them pulled and get dentures. This is from years and years of drinking sherry that was high in sugar and alcohol. I also have to get a bone mass scan as I have lost alot in my teeth. My fingers are numb and tingly and my bodies aches and I get tired alot.

I am going to see the doctor next week so that I can get tests done as I am sure there is more going on. I have put in off for awhile now, but I am 5 months sober and it is time to deal with this.

This stuff also screws with our brains. I am not as on the ball as I use to be. However I refuse to feel sorry for myself as that just puts me in a bad place. I feel I am stronger than I was 5 months ago, I couldn't have dealt with this stuff at the beginning. I tried to make things easy and not make stuff so complicated. My goal was to quit drinking.

Drinking does not solve anything.

Dee74

Welcome HHH

yeah my life was pretty much centred around alcohol too...I decided I really wqanted my life to change so I made changes.

It was scary at the time, but now? I don;t actually regret any of the changes I made.

I re-discovered a me I'd forgotten - I think that was worth any upheaval I went through.

you'll find a lot of support here- hope to see you round

D

least

Many of us here have changed our lives to better sober lives - you can too. Welcome to the family! :ghug3

2granddaughters

I think I found the problem.

All the best.

Bob R

HelloHiHey

Thanks guys. I had a really bad breakdown tonight after a pretty good day. Your comments lifted my spirit.

LadyinBC, I'm glad you are feeling ready to start looking into that stuff. I know the feeling of not wanting to deal with it. I am and have been feeling really sorry for myself... you know... poor me... poor me... pour me another.

A couple weeks ago I injured my hand while blacked out. Need surgery to avoid "traumatic arthritis". It feels like my body is falling apart. I guess it would have healed if I'd seen a doc right away, but I couldn't do it. I'd just recovered from a botched surgery on my head that left a gnarly scar. I was feeling really low about myself and I know it's just a superficial thing, but just feeling bad. So I neglected it and just drank to not think about it. I finally made an appointment to see a hand specialist and am just hoping this second opinion says surgery is not necessary.

Mainly, I feel like I just need to get to a point of acceptance and get over this anger.

Anyway, I hope the best for your visits to doctors and dentists coming up. And congrats on 5 months. That's great

Thanks Dee. It's nice to hear that you were able to realign your life without alcohol. I really hope I can do it. It's hard, as I romanticize it so much. The reality is much darker than the way imagine it is, was, and will be. Well, I didn't drink today. I'll take tomorrow as it comes, but try to stay sober! Thanks again guys.

HelloHiHey

Thanks Rob. You know, I never really got a sponsor or anything. Just went to the meetings. Maybe that was another problem. My living situation is going to change drastically (for the good) in the near future, so maybe I'll try to attend some meetings when that happens. Merry Christmas!

Sapling

I'd recommend that....You made it 90 days that were the best you can remember...Imagine if you work the program...I did....This has been the best year and half that I can remember since childhood....I wish you a Merry Christmas....And a sober new year!

LadyinBC

Thanks HHH. Someday you will be able to say 5 months too.

Pondlady

Welcome HelloHiHey,
You say you romanticize drinking. I did the exact same thing.....loved the wine bottles, different flavors, pairing them with food.......lighting candles, pretty goblets......I was really good at "dressing up my drinking". I quit 6 months ago and feel infinitely better.......a pretty good trade off

shakeel

You said there were no meetings where you live now. I know the feeling, I said the same thing too as I live now in North Africa, but after more relapses and blackouts and scars and what not, I had to do some thing so turned to the internet like you are doing now and I found a long distance sponsor, he's american, lives in Europe and been talking to him on audio/video for a year now. then to my surprise there was an AA meeting in this country, first AA group here and started attending.

foodie1

Welcome to SR HHH, you'll find lots of support here!

HelloHiHey

Thanks again guys. Been a couple of days and I'm finally getting some sleep. Fleeting feelings of optimism, but a ton of anxiety. Thankful to be sober today and very thankful for the warm welcomes around here and the worthwhile advice.

@pondlady That sounds like a very good trade. I think dealing with those romantic feelings is going to be the hardest part for me. I started thinking that this huge trend of homebrewing is a justification for a lot of alcoholics. Getting so into the process of making beer... It just feels like I am giving up more than drinking. But hey, there are a million things I genuinely enjoy doing and seem to be able to find the time and energy to do so when I'm not drinking. Thanks for the words.

@notincontrol We have a couple meetings here, but logistically it's just impossible. I would like to find a sponsor. This site is awesome and I'm really thankful for it right now. Thanks for sharing that.

Well off to bed. Thanks again guys.