Question about my sober date
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2
Question about my sober date
Hello,
I've been searching the Internet to help me with my question and this seems like a good place.
I have been in AA since 12/21/10, my last actual drunk ending on 12/20/10. I have been using this sober date for the last two years.
A year and some change ago, I was sick with the flu. I could find any AA approved meds that were helping me. I was home in the afternoon and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take some NyQuil. In fact, I took 3 doses of NyQuil. I knew it was a bad idea, but I wanted to sleep so badly that I did it anyway. I went right to sleep. (On a side note, looking back, I was always pretty "proud" that I didn't down the entire bottle)
I told my husband (not an alcoholic) about it as soon as he got home from work. I felt really horrible about it and needed to get it off my chest. He told me that it was ok, I made a mistake and shouldn't beat myself up over it. I accepted this and realized that yes, this was a horrible mistake and I have never done anything like that again.
I got my 1 year medallion a few months later without any real thought of this incident. A few months after that (almost a year ago from now) I was doing my 5th step with my sponsor and I told her about this. She was surprised to hear it but she was glad I told her. I asked if I needed to change my sober date and start from the beginning and she said she didn't think so, but that we could talk about it if I wanted. It never came up again after my 5th step. I forgave myself for it as a mistake and a learning experience.
Fast forward to 12/21/12.
I was supposed to meet with my sponsor, but she never showed up (found out the next day there was a babysitter issue). I wanted to ask her in person if she would give me my 2 yr medallion, but since I didn't get a chance, I text her Saturday morning. I didn't hear back until Sunday night and her response was that we needed to discuss my sober date due to the NyQuil incident.
After initial anger and much hurt and tears, and being very upset with my sponsor and how she handled this situation, I have thought about this a great deal.
I'm not sure I feel the need to change my sober date. On 12/21/2010 I made the conscious decision to go to AA and to change my life. I do not recall the exact date of my NyQuil drinking, and I certainly didn't feel any sort of connection to that mistake or a reason to celebrate it. Before my sponsor brought it up, I was very excited and celebrating my 2 years. Yes, I thought about my mistake but it came into my mind and left like so many of the mistakes in my past that I am trying to forgive myself for.
My journey leading up to 12/21/10 is a long story but some very significant things lead up to that particular date and my decision to change my life on that date. I feel very much like I would rather celebrate that decision than celebrate a date made up to symbololize my mistake (big as it was, I do not dismiss or take it lightly)
My question to this community is, do I need to change my sobriety date? What exactly is that date supposed to mean?
Thank you for any insight , experience, strength, or hope.
I've been searching the Internet to help me with my question and this seems like a good place.
I have been in AA since 12/21/10, my last actual drunk ending on 12/20/10. I have been using this sober date for the last two years.
A year and some change ago, I was sick with the flu. I could find any AA approved meds that were helping me. I was home in the afternoon and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take some NyQuil. In fact, I took 3 doses of NyQuil. I knew it was a bad idea, but I wanted to sleep so badly that I did it anyway. I went right to sleep. (On a side note, looking back, I was always pretty "proud" that I didn't down the entire bottle)
I told my husband (not an alcoholic) about it as soon as he got home from work. I felt really horrible about it and needed to get it off my chest. He told me that it was ok, I made a mistake and shouldn't beat myself up over it. I accepted this and realized that yes, this was a horrible mistake and I have never done anything like that again.
I got my 1 year medallion a few months later without any real thought of this incident. A few months after that (almost a year ago from now) I was doing my 5th step with my sponsor and I told her about this. She was surprised to hear it but she was glad I told her. I asked if I needed to change my sober date and start from the beginning and she said she didn't think so, but that we could talk about it if I wanted. It never came up again after my 5th step. I forgave myself for it as a mistake and a learning experience.
Fast forward to 12/21/12.
I was supposed to meet with my sponsor, but she never showed up (found out the next day there was a babysitter issue). I wanted to ask her in person if she would give me my 2 yr medallion, but since I didn't get a chance, I text her Saturday morning. I didn't hear back until Sunday night and her response was that we needed to discuss my sober date due to the NyQuil incident.
After initial anger and much hurt and tears, and being very upset with my sponsor and how she handled this situation, I have thought about this a great deal.
I'm not sure I feel the need to change my sober date. On 12/21/2010 I made the conscious decision to go to AA and to change my life. I do not recall the exact date of my NyQuil drinking, and I certainly didn't feel any sort of connection to that mistake or a reason to celebrate it. Before my sponsor brought it up, I was very excited and celebrating my 2 years. Yes, I thought about my mistake but it came into my mind and left like so many of the mistakes in my past that I am trying to forgive myself for.
My journey leading up to 12/21/10 is a long story but some very significant things lead up to that particular date and my decision to change my life on that date. I feel very much like I would rather celebrate that decision than celebrate a date made up to symbololize my mistake (big as it was, I do not dismiss or take it lightly)
My question to this community is, do I need to change my sobriety date? What exactly is that date supposed to mean?
Thank you for any insight , experience, strength, or hope.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
I agree with Fernace. I don't believe a sponsor has taken the place of god. After all a sponsor is just another human being who wouldn't be in the position of being your sponsor if he/she hadn't made mistakes of his/her own.
I remember in school where I was taught that a priest was the voice of GOD. Look where that has gone.
I remember in school where I was taught that a priest was the voice of GOD. Look where that has gone.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Mishel 
I have no opinion on someone else's sober date...to me I think too much can be made of a date...some people wield them like clubs, ya know?
I think far better questions are - is my recovery the kind of recovery I'd want it to be? Am I the kind of recovered person I want to be?
If you've checked your motives honestly openly and fully, and you're fine with it, then that the only test your sober date needs to pass IMO.
welcome to SR
D
I have no opinion on someone else's sober date...to me I think too much can be made of a date...some people wield them like clubs, ya know?
I think far better questions are - is my recovery the kind of recovery I'd want it to be? Am I the kind of recovered person I want to be?
If you've checked your motives honestly openly and fully, and you're fine with it, then that the only test your sober date needs to pass IMO.
welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Water's Edge
Posts: 239
Hello Mishel. Welcome. Congrats on your two years of sobriety. You are doing great. Enjoy your accomplishment, be proud of yourself. Your sobriety belongs to YOU, along with the milestone in your life you choose to celebrate when you took your last drink.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by Auvers 
Hello Mishel. Welcome. Congrats on your two years of sobriety. You are doing great. Enjoy your accomplishment, be proud of yourself. Your sobriety belongs to YOU, along with the milestone in your life you choose to celebrate when you took your last drink.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
This is between you and your sponsor and your Higher Power and your Group's conscience.
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
Glad you posted and have a wonderul Holiday..
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Unless your DOC was Nyquil I would not worry one way or the other. Dee said it best, as we have to live our recovery, and others theirs. If it matters to you that much, then change your date and you can alleviate the stress. If it does not matter to you that much, then leave it be and let your sponsor deal with her problem. Sheesh! Proves my point that serenity is no fun until we are serene enough to enjoy it.
The goal is to get and stay sober from alcohol, and not to get hooked on something else. I detest pain meds of any kind and always have because I drank heavily and was afraid of an interaction. Instead of stopping I made sure my doc OKed drinking beer with whatever prescribed.
I am about to have major neck surgery and have a vertebrae removed and replaced. I have talked to many folks and they got by OK without much. If I need pain meds to have a speedy recovery you bet I will and keep my sobriety date to boot. I don't do cold meds often but exactly what ingredient in Nyquil did she object to, and why?
I take nothing but Nexium, and Naproxin Sodium daily. If I have to take a pain med and someone thinks they are going to revoke my sobriety date of 21 September 2010, then here I am, come and try.
Have a Merry Christmas Mishel, you are blessed by your own hand with sobriety.
The goal is to get and stay sober from alcohol, and not to get hooked on something else. I detest pain meds of any kind and always have because I drank heavily and was afraid of an interaction. Instead of stopping I made sure my doc OKed drinking beer with whatever prescribed.
I am about to have major neck surgery and have a vertebrae removed and replaced. I have talked to many folks and they got by OK without much. If I need pain meds to have a speedy recovery you bet I will and keep my sobriety date to boot. I don't do cold meds often but exactly what ingredient in Nyquil did she object to, and why?
I take nothing but Nexium, and Naproxin Sodium daily. If I have to take a pain med and someone thinks they are going to revoke my sobriety date of 21 September 2010, then here I am, come and try.
Have a Merry Christmas Mishel, you are blessed by your own hand with sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 365
IMHO I beleive this is between you and your higher power... I personally wouldn't... I had a similar experience back in May... I took a xanex (my wife's)... My sponsor left the decision up to me... I have never been a pill-popper and I was stressed, couldn't sleep and it was a one time thing. My drug of choice was alcohol. You had a cold and took some cold medicine... So what... I doesn't sound like you were chugging it to get drunk. I ended up changing my date and shortly thereafter relapsed... My stinking thinking told me, "well if your going to change your date you might as well get hammered..." I took me almost 6 months to get back to where I am today and honestly I am lucky to have made it back. In hindsight I wish I wouldn't of changed my date as I think internally I used it as an excuse to relapse... I dont know if it would have mattered or not but who knows... Your going to get 1000 different opinions on this as I asked the same questions back in May... In the end I stick with my original statement. This is between you and your higher power. If you can honestly say my sobriety date is (your original date) and feel comfortable and honest saying that then keep your original date... Just my .02... Take it like a grain of salt... Have a Happy Holiday!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2
Thank you everyone for your opinions and support. I really appreciate it. I guess maybe, I already knew what to do, but it's nice to hear other input as well. Sometimes it's hard to trust my own instincts ya know?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
There are a couple more considerations I would add to those already been mentioned. One is your relationship with your sponsor. There is another. This would be to consider what the effect might be on a newcomer or future sponsee. If you feel the need (with the amount of time sober you now have) to ask for the opinions of others about this situation, then it would seem reasonable to assume that disclosure of the truth might be a bit confusing to a new person.
In light of those considerations I have a third option for your choice of a date. I don’t think you’re going to like it… at least not at first. Pick todays date, or any date from today forward. Pick it because it was the date you decided change your sobriety date. Tell anyone who is interested that you don’t want the date that you swallowed the Nyquil (for a variety of reasons) but you did not like your ‘original’ date as it might cause confusion to a newcomer. Tell people on the day you decide this that you want a 24 hour chip. Share why you are changing your date. Tell them you’re not happy about changing dates but that all things considered it seems the best for all concerned. Then tell them (as someone so wisely said to me once at my first meeting after a slip) “It’s not a program of seniority”!
Oh ya, there is one more advantage to doing this. It will serve as a constant reminder that this is a WE program.
Whatever you decide I'm sure will be for the best.
In light of those considerations I have a third option for your choice of a date. I don’t think you’re going to like it… at least not at first. Pick todays date, or any date from today forward. Pick it because it was the date you decided change your sobriety date. Tell anyone who is interested that you don’t want the date that you swallowed the Nyquil (for a variety of reasons) but you did not like your ‘original’ date as it might cause confusion to a newcomer. Tell people on the day you decide this that you want a 24 hour chip. Share why you are changing your date. Tell them you’re not happy about changing dates but that all things considered it seems the best for all concerned. Then tell them (as someone so wisely said to me once at my first meeting after a slip) “It’s not a program of seniority”!
Oh ya, there is one more advantage to doing this. It will serve as a constant reminder that this is a WE program.
Whatever you decide I'm sure will be for the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I would be "iffy" about the manner in which you took the Nyquil.
If you took it as prescribed, it would be different.
I don't use alcohol containing medicines.
There are plenty of alternatives.
Most important, although you downplay it, I sense that you do not completely believe your date is genuine. That would bug me.
I wouldn't be annoyed at the sponsor except that she should have said it closer to the time of "Nyquil-gate".
However, she probably was wary of sending you off on a bender if she suggested resetting your date at the time.
I had a great date of March 17th. I broke out and now I have plain old October 22nd.
I also consider my sobriety date to be my first alcohol free day, not my last drinking day. I celebrate sober days, not miserable half drunk days (October 21st).
Then again, it is just in the day.
I would be more likely to break down though if I had not counted days.
Once I got over celebrating milestones with a drink!
Awuh has an interesting take on it. A bit tough though! Solomon comes to mind.
If you took it as prescribed, it would be different.
I don't use alcohol containing medicines.
There are plenty of alternatives.
Most important, although you downplay it, I sense that you do not completely believe your date is genuine. That would bug me.
I wouldn't be annoyed at the sponsor except that she should have said it closer to the time of "Nyquil-gate".
However, she probably was wary of sending you off on a bender if she suggested resetting your date at the time.
I had a great date of March 17th. I broke out and now I have plain old October 22nd.
I also consider my sobriety date to be my first alcohol free day, not my last drinking day. I celebrate sober days, not miserable half drunk days (October 21st).
Then again, it is just in the day.
I would be more likely to break down though if I had not counted days.
Once I got over celebrating milestones with a drink!
Awuh has an interesting take on it. A bit tough though! Solomon comes to mind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
sounds like you were sick and in need of medicine and rest. Someone once told me to examine my motives. For me I talk to HP and examine my motives.
Congrats on your two years andI hope you find peace about this.
Have a great holiday :ghug3
Congrats on your two years andI hope you find peace about this.
Have a great holiday :ghug3
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by Mishel76
Thank you everyone for your opinions and support. I really appreciate it. I guess maybe, I already knew what to do, but it's nice to hear other input as well. Sometimes it's hard to trust my own instincts ya know?
I would agree with folks above, though, that since you took a medicine when you were sick and didn't keep taking it or drinking that your original sober date is correct. Congratulations on two years!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
your sponsor is wrong. plain and simple. It's stories like this that turn people away from AA. what would happen if, let's say, you went to a restaurant and accidentally ate a dish cooked with beer or wine without realizing it. Let's say you had 5 years sober. Is that all turned back to day 1 because you consumed? Not in my opinion. the bottom line is, you took the available medication to help with an ailment. you weren't looking for a buzz, and it didn't lead to anything more. to try to hurt you emotionally by diminishing your accomplishment is truly disgusting to me. you should be proud of yourself and stand up to your sponsor's selfishness and judgmental nature.
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