Some body plz tell me how to deal????
 

Day started off not so bad, got up, got a shower, figured out I was having a good hair day and then headed to church. Then I had to run down to my hometown and get a washer and dryer from a family member, my uncle was there and he gave me the cold shoulder, I was in no mood so he and the rest of the dysfunction can BITE ME! Keep in mind I am trying at this point to figure out how I am going to get some wine because today of all days I needed it, but I didn't want a whole bottle, I wanted just one little mini bottle, then I couldn't figure out where to get one and it seemed like too much work so I promptly talked myself out of it....THEN I went back and forth with myself on whether to visit the cemetery and see my loved ones, I don't know if it's luck, but my grandparents who raised me and my hubby are buried with in feet of each other, makes visiting easier, which is a stupid word as there is nothing easy about talking to stones. Anywho, I first visited my hubby, it was awkward as half the time in our marriage it was rare to have a normal conversation, so what was the point now, I kept it together, then I walked over to see my gma and gpa and immediatly lost it. They were the ones I ran to when life got too be too much to deal with and I honestly have never felt more alone. NOW I have a headache, I popped some Ibuproferen, we will see how that goes, because I am really wanting a glass of wine. I realize this won't fix anything, but DAMN....I deserve a glass or 2 just for the hell of it!!! GRRRRR.....

Here is the poem I put on FB for my hubby today:


2 years gone is way too long
You not being here seems so wrong
We miss you more than words can say
But know we will see you again someday
Please know that just because we smile
And seem to be happy for awhile
Something in our hearts is always missing
and you still here is what we are wishing


I know it's a dumb poem....but hey life is a big DUMB MESS!!!

Oh, hon.... Sending you a big virtual hug.
You had a long, rough, emotional day.
I'm sorry you're hurting but wine will not make it better.
Take a bubble bath & think about the happy times you had with them.
And you will see them again, be easy on yourself.

And you poem was beautiful !!!

Why thank you, I realize wine won't make it better..BOO

I like your poem, it's not dumb at all. I feel for you, loosing loved ones is so hard. I am an orphan since I am 33. So I understand your grief. Hang in there!

Patman

I lost all 3 of them with in 2.5 years of each other! I don't like being a grown up, I want to go back to crawling in my grandparents bed and life was good!

Thank you for sharing that. Wish there was more we could do or say.
I am grateful that you are somehow finding you way through all of this while staying sober. That is an inspiration to me. I am sure it is exhausting and just pray that you can find some amount of comfort and peace. You deserve it.

Thank you happier, with the exception of a few I have pretty much been on my own dealing with all of this!! I am glad I can vent openly to all of you!

I think I am one of those people who will never be able to get through life without chemical help :(

Lola - beautiful poem from a beautiful lady.

I have no clever words for you.

I had have been feeling a bit strange the past few days, my aunt died two years ago last week.

I hate drink and I don't want to spoil her memory with it.

I've kept busy the last few days.

Tonight after getting about done for christmas, I realise I am glad I did not drink and I am proud of myself.

You should be proud of you too sweetie.

I think your poem is beautiful and I'm sure it must be hard to get through times like these. I'm glad you stayed sober today.

Thanks, the night is still young.....I a minutes from the market, I am entirely to lazy to go anywhere though, at least for now anyways!

BIG HUGS!!!! you totally hit the nail on the head...its so flippin hard at christmas when everyone gets together and makes memories. i've lost my brother my aunt 2 weeks later 2 years later my grpa, then things went good then lost my uncle and my aunt within a month of each other...3 years ago i lost my grma on new years day.. she loved to spoil me..lol.. my mom was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, after chemo and radiation it came back but knock on wood after her last round of treatment she has been clean YEAH!!!!! And i agree talking to headstones is just not the same i do it all the time although i fell peaceful when i'm at the cemetary.(sounds creepy) Your poem is wonderful it touched my heart and i cried.(thanks lol) i wanna be a kid again to no worries in the world and you live for the day!!! Merry Christmas and keep your chin up:)

Thanks Krs :) When the weather is warm I find myself sitting between my gma and gpa like when I was little, and chatting it up :(

I am sorry you are sad.
Christmas is a tough time.
All the images are of happy families and lots of laughter and children and Santa and Nativity scenes with Mary and Joseph just happy in the stable (with or without donkeys and cows. If we listen to the pope, we have removed all the livestock).
So many people hate the holidays or at the very least, are stressed out!

Don't drink. It is your insanity talking. You can have a drink in the new year if it still seems like a good idea.
It isn't the answer. Feel your feelings, grieve and cry. You probably are a bit behind on the grieving thing. We either deal with life events, or drink on them and deal later.
Do you really want to do all this hard work again?
Big hugs to you Lilgolden.

NO I don't wanna go through all this again Holly, must you talk sense to me lol!

Please don't do the "easy" thing and drink.
It will be the worst possible thing to do on your present feelings.
And,.................do you really think one glass of wine is enough?
Not for me.
If I broke out, I wouldn't stop at one.
I have said before, I physically could go a few more rounds with booze.
Mentally, I am done. Torture, pure and simple.
You can't unring a bell.
The bell has rung. You have called time on your drinking for a reason.
It stopped working and it was causing problems.
It will never work again, and all those "yets" will happen eventually.

I am just done in general, stick a fork in me!

lil - I'm sorry for your losses. Its not easy. I will think of you.

Tomorrow is another day I suppose..