really struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 50
really struggling
this is breaking me. i've been in a suboxone program for about 4 months. Even though i end up using about every 2-3 weeks. always somehow working around the drug tests. I don't want to be kicked because i don't want to be back in that life style. Yet its like everything is so overwhelming i boil over and use it as an escape and a release from everything.
It seemed that while i was starting the recovery process my boyfriend decided to start the addiction process. If it was as easy as leaving I would have already. But I don't have anywhere to go nor do i have a car. which would leave me with no way to get to my program. Im on depression meds that i don't know if they are doing much. I can't seem to do anything right at work and im constantly getting **** for not being 100% cheery every second. "this is a job of acting" "leave it at the door" "fake it" It seems no matter how hard i try i can never give them what they want and im penalized in the process.
i don't know how to self-sooth and no one to vent and talk to cause even though i try, to the best of my ability, to do all the things people say to make positive friends i don't seem to be the person people want to hang out with.
i feel like this is destroying me and i don't know what else to do. I don't know any other thing to try.
It seemed that while i was starting the recovery process my boyfriend decided to start the addiction process. If it was as easy as leaving I would have already. But I don't have anywhere to go nor do i have a car. which would leave me with no way to get to my program. Im on depression meds that i don't know if they are doing much. I can't seem to do anything right at work and im constantly getting **** for not being 100% cheery every second. "this is a job of acting" "leave it at the door" "fake it" It seems no matter how hard i try i can never give them what they want and im penalized in the process.
i don't know how to self-sooth and no one to vent and talk to cause even though i try, to the best of my ability, to do all the things people say to make positive friends i don't seem to be the person people want to hang out with.
i feel like this is destroying me and i don't know what else to do. I don't know any other thing to try.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by XxGoldenxX 
i don't know how to self-sooth and no one to vent and talk to cause even though i try, to the best of my ability, to do all the things people say to make positive friends i don't seem to be the person people want to hang out with..
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Hi Golden. I agree that coming here to SR is lifesaving. I'm shy, too, and the support and kindness here are just incredible.
I'm also on suboxone and slipped a lot at the beginning. It's been tough but after a point I realized I really want to make this work so have been just doing the suboxone and also coming on SR a lot. One of the prerequisites for me to get on/stay in suboxone program was that I also do counseling. Does your program also require this or offer counseling?
I would really encourage you to reach out for counseling, group therapy or even NA, something that gets you out and outside of your own mind for awhile. You'd be with folks who understand exactly where you're coming from.
Also, if you haven't been to the Substance Abuse section here at SR come on over. Lots of folks with opiate issues and some of us on suboxone.
Take care.
I'm also on suboxone and slipped a lot at the beginning. It's been tough but after a point I realized I really want to make this work so have been just doing the suboxone and also coming on SR a lot. One of the prerequisites for me to get on/stay in suboxone program was that I also do counseling. Does your program also require this or offer counseling?
I would really encourage you to reach out for counseling, group therapy or even NA, something that gets you out and outside of your own mind for awhile. You'd be with folks who understand exactly where you're coming from.
Also, if you haven't been to the Substance Abuse section here at SR come on over. Lots of folks with opiate issues and some of us on suboxone.
Take care.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hey Golden,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like your life is very turbulent at the moment. It doesn't matter what method of recovery you choose. As long as you choose one. I know at the moment it doesn't seem like you are going to get anywhere and you are just stuck in a cycle but it will break when given enough time and pressure.
I can't give you any advice on what to do about your boyfriend. But I can tell you to focus on yourself. Do as many good things for yourself as you can given the circumstances. I hope you feel some of the joy on Christmas and look at the new year as a blessing rather than a curse. I will pray for you tonight.
Natom.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like your life is very turbulent at the moment. It doesn't matter what method of recovery you choose. As long as you choose one. I know at the moment it doesn't seem like you are going to get anywhere and you are just stuck in a cycle but it will break when given enough time and pressure.
I can't give you any advice on what to do about your boyfriend. But I can tell you to focus on yourself. Do as many good things for yourself as you can given the circumstances. I hope you feel some of the joy on Christmas and look at the new year as a blessing rather than a curse. I will pray for you tonight.
Natom.
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