No more lurking, I can't do this alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Mrs Lamp
You sound totally fed up with drinking, that's good you need to get to that place to really want to give it up.
I just turned 59, sober nearly 18 months with the support of both AA and SR. I have a whole new outlook on life and renewed energy (at times).
Good luck to both you and your husband. This is a most important journey.
CaiHong
You sound totally fed up with drinking, that's good you need to get to that place to really want to give it up.
I just turned 59, sober nearly 18 months with the support of both AA and SR. I have a whole new outlook on life and renewed energy (at times).
Good luck to both you and your husband. This is a most important journey.
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 131
Yes I am so fed up with this life thanks for replies, I keep logging on and off here, my heart jumps when I see more responses. I tidied the house a bit and put my drinking glass in the bin, I was thinking about all the things people have said, and then things I have done like throwing out vodka bottles and then digging through the rubbish later to see if any dregs left! My god. My head still hurts and I can feel my liver it must be ready to fail anytime. I have poured gallons down the sink and then flew to the shop in blind panic before it shuts, the list goes on. I dont know if its too late for me now, maybe too much damage, but if you all stay with me I am going to do this thing. I cannot believe the person I am writing about is the same one who looks normal when I go to work. Well I used to, suppose I,m kidding myself again, sorry for going on, stuff just tumbling out of my head again, I never said "I" so much in my life, I'm a listener. x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Mrs L, in 2009 i was only sober a total of 9 days, not by choice, i was a guest where i work(hospital) for 8 days, i had a non-alcohol seizure in my office during work. I was found to have a small aneurysm in my pointy little head and extremely high liver enzymes.
I continued to drink heavily for another 6 months, felt hopeless and depressed.
I found SR on the day someone died from liver cancer....i knew i had to do something to stop the crazy cycle..my "goal" at that time was to make it 10 days sober.
After many slips, falldowns i'm currently at 19 3/4 months.
Drinking exacerbated my depression which led to more drinking which made me more depressed. And make up did not cover it.
You can do this, but i agree you and your husband should support eachother.
I continued to drink heavily for another 6 months, felt hopeless and depressed.
I found SR on the day someone died from liver cancer....i knew i had to do something to stop the crazy cycle..my "goal" at that time was to make it 10 days sober.
After many slips, falldowns i'm currently at 19 3/4 months.
Drinking exacerbated my depression which led to more drinking which made me more depressed. And make up did not cover it.
You can do this, but i agree you and your husband should support eachother.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
It is never too late. Saying "I" is important. I spent years and years never using that word and trying to be the good girl and the one who looks after everyone else.
I truly understand your post, I have been there and I feel for you, I remember feeling the same way.
You're at least posting and that is a great first step!
I truly understand your post, I have been there and I feel for you, I remember feeling the same way.
You're at least posting and that is a great first step!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Mrs. Lamp wrote:
" I dont know if its too late for me now, maybe too much damage, but if you all stay with me I am going to do this thing."
I've been using this SR website for over two years and these are the most impressive and admirable words I have come across. It reminds me of something our U.S. Grant once said, "I propose to fight it out on this line if it takes all summer!"
Mrs. Lamp- We will stay with you. And it is never too late to quit drinking. You sound like a true fighter and if you quit now your chances may be very good. Keep logging on to this website and get as much outside help as you can. You can "do this thing"!
W.
" I dont know if its too late for me now, maybe too much damage, but if you all stay with me I am going to do this thing."
I've been using this SR website for over two years and these are the most impressive and admirable words I have come across. It reminds me of something our U.S. Grant once said, "I propose to fight it out on this line if it takes all summer!"
Mrs. Lamp- We will stay with you. And it is never too late to quit drinking. You sound like a true fighter and if you quit now your chances may be very good. Keep logging on to this website and get as much outside help as you can. You can "do this thing"!
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 131
Amazing, thank you all so much, I am determined I will not use drink this day, I want to stay here I feel I have friends. I want to come back tomorrow and say this is day 2, I really really want to do that. x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 131
My head is still sore and I have to go now, I promised family member help with things today, time to put my other face on, I will be straight back here as soon as I can, I don't really want to go out, I feel like **** I hope you still all here when I get back. xxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
MrsLamp-Hang in there!
You mentioned previously that you like "helping others". Believe it or not, you are helping others right now. I speak for myself and I'm sure many more when I say that.
We all have been where you are right now. Although I've been sober almost 4 months, I am finally feeling good about myself, about life, about living again.
I don't ever want to forget that I am an alcoholic and that I have a disease. The other day...I was feeling extremely "exuberant" and it scared me. I found myself wanting a drink. (I used to drink for any reason...sad, mad, happy) Like you I was an evening drinker.
"Alcohol is cunning, powerful, and baffling"
It's surprising how quickly a person can forget they are an Alcoholic, once sober for a while.
You help me by reminding me of where I was just a few months ago. I remember well the hell I went through as a drunk. Drinking at night, waking up hungover, going to work feeling like s**t. Putting on a smile all the while anxious to get back home and hit that bottle. It was a vicious cycle, and I was tormented by it.
It would be so easy to fall into that trap once again. You are helping me right now to stay sober. Never discount yourself as to the power you have to help others, even if it seems that you aren't, you are!
Don't beat yourself up that everything is not falling into place right now. It will as long as you keep trying! Right now you have to concentrate on you and only you.
When I finally reached the point that I was willing to do whatever it takes to stop drinking I did. For me it was IOP, AA, SR, and reading everything I could to help me understand this disease.
I had to put my family "on hold" for a couple of months, but they are so glad I did. Now they are getting the wife, mother, daughter, and Grandma, they deserve. I have a lot more to work on, but it gets better with each sober day.
Seeing a Doc is an excellent suggestion. My very first place I went for help was my Doctor. She keeps me coming in for regular checkups, and she knows my history of Alcohol.
I guess I ought to save room for others to post...
. Thanks so much for this thread! and know that we are all right behind you to support you.
XOXOX
You mentioned previously that you like "helping others". Believe it or not, you are helping others right now. I speak for myself and I'm sure many more when I say that.
We all have been where you are right now. Although I've been sober almost 4 months, I am finally feeling good about myself, about life, about living again.
I don't ever want to forget that I am an alcoholic and that I have a disease. The other day...I was feeling extremely "exuberant" and it scared me. I found myself wanting a drink. (I used to drink for any reason...sad, mad, happy) Like you I was an evening drinker.
"Alcohol is cunning, powerful, and baffling"
It's surprising how quickly a person can forget they are an Alcoholic, once sober for a while.
You help me by reminding me of where I was just a few months ago. I remember well the hell I went through as a drunk. Drinking at night, waking up hungover, going to work feeling like s**t. Putting on a smile all the while anxious to get back home and hit that bottle. It was a vicious cycle, and I was tormented by it.
It would be so easy to fall into that trap once again. You are helping me right now to stay sober. Never discount yourself as to the power you have to help others, even if it seems that you aren't, you are!
Don't beat yourself up that everything is not falling into place right now. It will as long as you keep trying! Right now you have to concentrate on you and only you.
When I finally reached the point that I was willing to do whatever it takes to stop drinking I did. For me it was IOP, AA, SR, and reading everything I could to help me understand this disease.
I had to put my family "on hold" for a couple of months, but they are so glad I did. Now they are getting the wife, mother, daughter, and Grandma, they deserve. I have a lot more to work on, but it gets better with each sober day.
Seeing a Doc is an excellent suggestion. My very first place I went for help was my Doctor. She keeps me coming in for regular checkups, and she knows my history of Alcohol.
I guess I ought to save room for others to post...
. Thanks so much for this thread! and know that we are all right behind you to support you.XOXOX
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 147
Hi! I know just what you are going through. I tried throwing full bottles in the street, cutting up my id so I dont get served by cashiers and bartenders. Meetings werent consistent in my head and jail barely left a dent in my psyche.
I love it in soberrecovery.com. finally! A place to hear of people seeking help and reminding me what keeps us from going crazy: everlasting support, honesty and communication.
Welcome and hang out for a while. It can always get better.
Greetings from New Mexico
I love it in soberrecovery.com. finally! A place to hear of people seeking help and reminding me what keeps us from going crazy: everlasting support, honesty and communication.
Welcome and hang out for a while. It can always get better.
Greetings from New Mexico
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Hfx., NS, Canada
Posts: 85
Hey MrsL .. You mentioned not decorating for Christmas this year ... Y'know, it's not too late to buy a little christmas tree / plant / anything .. even just a cute 12" tree-like something or other.. that you can hang a few sparklies on. Might be a nice tribute to a new attitude .. might feel good! ... Just an idea. ... (I got a few decorations from my local Thrift Store .. if you don't want to spend a lot it's a great place to find something quick 'n' easy.)
... (I got a few decorations from my local Thrift Store .. if you don't want to spend a lot it's a great place to find something quick 'n' easy.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Stick with us Mrs Lamp, thinking of you, tomorrow will be difficult for all of us but I'm thinking if I can do this Xmas Eve sober then no reason why I can't do next Xmas Eve sober too, all the days in between are going to be one day at a time too, when I get to next Xmas Eve I'll be able to look back on a whole pile of little one by one days.
Like little sober snowflakes making one great big sober drift one by one :0)
Like little sober snowflakes making one great big sober drift one by one :0)
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