DFU

We were all living a lie, but now it's time to face the cold, hard, truth. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and not one of us can beat it alone. I'm still very new to recovery but had to get honest with myself if I didn't want to loose my kids, home, husband and probably eventually my life. I suggest AA, there are so many people who are just like us. Hard to believe right? No one feels like we do, but that is so far from the true and they will want to help you. Good luck!

MrsLamp

Thank you all so much for the support, its drink time now so I am back, I am a bit shaky, but I'm going to go to sleep tonight sober. I have had such a welcome to this place I actually feel I would be letting people down if I drank and incredibly my other half said earlier he was not drinking tonight, you can imagine we are at the stage now where there in not much conversation sober, and he didn't know I had joined this site, we just look at each other now at drinking time to see who is going to the shop! This has all escalated since our kids left home, they would be appalled if they knew what was going on, I tell so many lies and put on so many smiles, sorry for going on everything seems to want to tumble out. I am absolutely soaking with sweat, sorry if thats gross, but I know it is withdrawal, I dont think I will sleep but I will go to bed sober. I am so long winded thanks for your patience. I'm scared but I am staying here. x

2granddaughters

I found lasting sobriety, sanity and serenity in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was just the ticket for an alcoholic of my type.

All the best.

Bob R

MrsLamp

Hi one of you kind people mentioned AA, I approached them in my early twenties when my children were very young and I was having a few drinks twice a week! I always felt I was different, I remember one kind man saying to me "It will get worse" I wish to god I had have listened to him and stayed. I am considering going to the Doctor as well, I always put this off as I kind of work in a health care environment. Reading that back it sounds so stupid, you think I would know better!

LadyinBC

I was scared too. I think everyone is. It was a way of life for me and I was scared to let it go. When I moved into my daughters place she helped me clean my old apartment and she said it was very sad how I was living. My place was awful and I'm so glad I am not there anymore. You can do this, I didn't think I could, but I did it! And you will too.

Fandy

MrsL. I also work in healthcare. Your doctor is there to help you not judge you. If you feel shakey or sweaty, sob, you should go to an emergent care. A bottle or 1/2 bottle of vodka each night is a very large amount to ingest daily.

Auvers

Good for you not drinking, seeing that the alcohol is causing the problems, not the other way round. That is really all it takes: seeing what the problem is and determining never to drink again. So glad you are thinking of seeing a doctor. Stay strong. You can do it.

heath480

Welcome to SR mrslamp, you are staying sober tonight,a great start.

I hope you make it back to the rooms of AA and dont do what I did,I tried doing it on my own and managed 3years sober once,of course I was to drink again.

In total despair I went to AA,getting a sponsor and working the programme was the answer for me.

Wishing you well and look forward to hearing how you get on.

MrsLamp

I am utterly miserable, no drink in the house I am going upstairs, I keep looking at the flaming clock. Thanks to all. x

2granddaughters

My Dr. is in AA, so is the Priest and chief-of-police.

All the best.

Bob R

courage2

Welcome MrsLamp! I totally affirm what a lot of people here have already said to you about this site, seeing a dr, and trying out AA -- that's advice I've taken (or will take, still waiting on the dr) -- and it's helping me.

Also, as a friend on SR told me really early, Post, Post, Post to this site! Seems like we all have a lot of stuff going on in these early days and it's helpful to let it out & get all the great feedback.

Alex41

Hi Mrs Lamb, I've just finished a seven day medicated detox at home and I'm already feeling great. The sweats have stopped and for the first time in ages I did a good job painting my nails as my hands weren't shaking like they normally do, lol! The docs are great if your honest with them and can organise things really quickly. I'm lucky to have support at work as I was honest with them too and they were happy for me to take the week off. Even if you don't want yours to know it can all be done very descretly. My nurse visited twice a day so you have constant support. This week has changed my life. I know it's early days but if I feel this good after a week it makes me even more excited about my sober future. I really wish you the best for your future.

MrsLamp

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply to me, I failed drunk again. best wishes to you all.

Dee74

This is a marathon MrsLamp - not a sprint.

It's not a one time only pass/fail deal - get up and try again.

if you want things to change - keep working at it - be prepared to make changes and work hard and you'll get there

Wifi

You haven't "failed"... This thing is tough... I can't tell you how many day 1's I have but it is A LOT! Follow some of the advice above and try again tomorrow.. We are here for you!!!

faceitandfixit

Keep coming back Mrs. Lamp. We are all here for you, and have been where you are now. It is not easy to give up the drink, but I can assure you it is so worth it! You can start again tomorrow. xo

courage2

Don't give up MrsLamp! We're here rooting for you!

Mulch

Mrs Lamp, I was a bottle a day drinker (vodka) .. I tried and failed several times, but the trick is to keep on trying. You mentioned yellow eyes .. mine were yellow too. My body was telling me it's time to stop, and I didn't, and ended up in the hospital. I don't mean to scare you - just saying that that was a big "sign" of mine that I'd become ill. I was then sober two fantastic years, relapsed, and am sober again (2.5 months so far). Before the hospital thing, I tried/failed/kept trying and learned more about myself each time. You're right, it does progress. I was worried about myself in my younger years too (I'm 47)... and back then it was weekends and a few drinks a couple of times a week. At my worst in recent years, it was round the clock vodka, 1 to 1.5 fifths a day.

..... Keep trying. Keep posting. Ask for and accept help and/or support. AA, doctor, counsellor, friends, family, etc. Focus on where you want your life to go ... maybe write out the beginnings of a plan (that helped me) .... You can do this.

Bubovski

Good luck Mrs Lamp.
There are quite a few methods to try once you have the neccessary resolve
It isn't an easy journey but its about the best one can take.
Look to whatever approaches you see best.
Try not to become too dis spirited and watch out over the festive season-- a real trap.

MrsLamp

thank you so much everyone i am so drunk i dont desreve such kindness.