GAD

Hello, I am new to using any forums but I thought I should give it a try. About a year ago, I moved out of my moms house to my sisters. Before this time, I had experimented with drugs very little (weed, pills, robo, salvia). The only thing I did that significantly effected me was a synthetic cocaine or "bath salt".. A few nights out of a month, my sister and I rolled on that stuff All night. The comedown/ hangover after each time became worse until it was unbearable so I quit. I experienced extreme sensitivity to caffeine/stimulants and would randomly feel anxious and depressed. NOW TO WHEN IN MOVED... After Taking a break from drugs, I dabbled in weed again and started to look for the old highs I missed. In a 4 month period, I did a lot of experimenting. I tried several things like cocaine one time and then I was done (this included several brands of synthetic cocaine and synthetic weed, as well as weed, coke, dxm, salvia, lorotab, and others I'm forgetting)... After doing the synthetic coke, I noticed that I had bad experiences with each drug. I decided that shrooms would be the last drug I took. I tried it and fought a bad trip the entire time. The next day I was fine. The next week I was fine. And then I had the worst panic attack possible

To make a long story short, I was left panicking, depersonalized, depressed, and emotionally unstable for the next year. I know the bath salts are under researched and could have contained any chemicals. But I cannot change what has been done. I promised God I would never do drugs recreationally after my first night of panic, and I haven't for one year. But the psychological damage has been so intense and I have no clue why. Sorry for the long post, but I am very discouraged and am looking for answers and support. Will I ever be the same again? :,(

MythOfSisyphus

Well, I'm not a doctor but the ability of the human body and mind to heal are mind boggling. I was mostly a drinker but I did dabble in acid, shrooms and barbituates. I did honestly feel there were effects from that acid for years, although it was never very serious.

Have you tried NA or any other kind of counseling? I don't really know anything about the synthetic stuff (I'm an old fogey, that stuff is too new for me!), but maybe in the section of SR about drug abuse?

GirlFromCO

Congratulations on your year drug free & welcome to SR, GAD. Does that mean 1 year booze free as well? Do you see a Dr. for your anxiety?

I'm no Dr, but I do know the human body and brain have an amazing capacity for healing that we are only beginning to scientifically understand. Nothing's hopeless or ruined, okay?

GirlFromCO

Dang Myth - jinx

GAD

I hope I am not posting in the wrong section :/.. But thank you for your responses. This is hard because I don't know what is causing my altered mental state. Was it the bath salts? Hallucinogens? I just know I haven't been the same. I'm pretty young and a year is a long time. Thankfully I have been sober from everything since the initial panic. I know the feeling of addiction and withdrawal. Those salts I did are much much more addictive than coke in my experiences. I feel for everyone struggling with the urge as I still do after a year.

GirlFromCO

You're in the right place, no worries. I never did bath salts so I can't speak to that issue directly. I did do a ton of acid when I was a teenager though and I also had the same sort of feeling like I had f*cked myself up pretty good. I see a Dr. for the anxiety and I go to therapy. Both of those have helped a lot. The ****** thing about bath salts is that they are so new that nobody knows very much about them. I think making an appointment to see a psychiatrist who specializes in substance abuse/addictions would be a great place to start. They keep up on the literature that does exist and might be able to offer specific recommendations for your situation. That and keep reading & posting here. You're not alone - there's a lot of people here who have experimented with bath salts. Hopefully some of them will be along to share their experiences.

GAD

My doctors didnt seem too concerned and neither did my psychologist. Therapy was a waste because they didnt even address the drugs as a possible explanation for my panic and anxiety. I am trying to get a new psychologist now. Could you describe the weird feeling that the hallucinogens left you with?

GirlFromCO

Yeah, I felt really good and sort of enlightened for a while but then 1 bad trip (not even like a horror story one, just a mediocre & upsetting one) and I started having panic attacks, big time. I didn't leave the house for a year when I was 18, basically felt really disorganized mentally and fearful all of the time like something bad was just about to happen. Now, I can't say for sure if it was the LSD or not but I always felt like it was. I have a family history of panic & anxiety so who knows for sure. I do think it made it worse though, at the very least.

Sometimes still to this day I'll wake up in the middle of the night and see patterns just like I was still tripping, or I will wake up with the worst feeling of dread you can imagine - not even a panic attack type thing, just pure dread and horror. It usually lasts a minute or two and then I come back to reality. I permanently (or at least 15 years on) see tracers and lights never looked the same after I started dropping acid. Sometimes the residual visuals really freak me out, so more anxiety, panic attacks, etc. I can't do caffeine either and I also depersonalize when I'm stressed out. Just go off into lala land, can't focus on conversations, etc. When it's really bad I just go to sleep sort of narcolepsy style, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. That gets annoying at work. And I've been battling major depression since my teens.

So who knows why, really, but that's my experience. I've had some success w/psych drugs and therapy but it's taken a long time and a lot of work, and I'm by no means done yet.

For reference if it matters, I started doing acid when I was 14 (happy b-day! lol), continued once or twice a week for 2 years, combined with X lots of times, then occasionally did it until the last time at 18 years old.

betterthanbefor

Congrats on being sober a year! I too have had bad affects of sort term "experimenting". I've done it ALL during my teen yrs & when I quit is when the panic atacks started months later. I would definatly go see a sphycologist who can help you understand how to deal w/your "aftermath" situation. They can teach you how to train yourself to stop or prevent them. There's a GREAT book called "Anxiety & Phobia work book". It helps you understand why this happens & how to prevent them also. It has helped me a lot. I would also suggest vitamins & working out to get those brain cells rehabilitated. ( I hope suggesting vitamins aren't considered medical advice) hope this helps

GirlFromCO

+1 that book is fantastic.

GAD

I took some EXTREME doses of dextromethorphan or whatever that stuff is in cough meds, and I'd feel weird for days. But a lot of the things you described are what I am going through still. I feel like I am crazy and it has ruined my life. I'd do anything to take it back. I too have a family history of paranoia/ anxiety and that makes the root of the problem unclear. But thank you for sharing. Oh yeah, I see the patterns too. When I look at carpet ir something, I see moving patterns like I'm on shrooms. It's weird lol

GirlFromCO

Oh yeah, I did that by accident when I caught Mono in my early twenties... just bizarro world. I forgot to mention that I did mescaline a couple of times too but it never made me feel as odd afterward as the acid did. Once when I was coming down off an acid trip my best friend found me sleeping with my eyes wide open and got really freaked out when I woke up and said good morning in the middle of our "conversation". I only mention that because acid is just a weird, weird drug. I know a lot of people for whom it's triggered anxiety & panic. My symptoms have gotten better over time so with any luck yours will too.

Edited to add - same here with the carpet, clouds, wood grain... just about anything if I'm paying enough attention. I don't mind that part as much though lol.

GAD

Betterthanbefor: thank you for the suggestion. I will look into that book. I read Paul David's book "at last a life" and it changes my perspective. The feelings linger though and are leaking into all aspects of my life. My relationship with my girlfriend is spiraling downhill because of my contantly changing emotions. I really hope my brain can heal itself and some of those stupid synthetic drugs didnt permanantly make me this way. I might contact a dr. I heard about that has done research on these drugs for decades.

GAD

GirlfromCO: I came close to dropping acid and I'm glad I didn't because I know a lot of people who aren't the same. I saw the end of the world one time on salvia and I was troubled for weeks. It all made so much sense! I can't imagine 12 hrs of tripping though. That all does some weird stuff to the brain.

NapsteR1

Acid altered my perception for years, I still get visuals and tracers, apparent the molecules lurk in your synaptic gaps pretty much forever. I also couldn't leave the house for months, friend and I had a really bad trip one night on far too much acid, all plans went wrong, we ended up having to walk home 4 miles along a dark highway and got beat up halfway back, never known fear like it. I could only get over the anxiety of being out if I got good and drunk first.

RyanRed

I can relate to you my friend

The depersonalization feeling is very strange indeed. I too have this from a result of a bad drug experience YEARS AGO! (1 time use when I was a teenager) From what Ive read its just part of anxiety, and mental fatigue. Your in constant battle with your own mind from trying to fight off anxiety. Some people like you and I get this weird feeling of depersonalization, or also known as unreality as a result of that constant battle. Its a very unusual feeling. I personally drank and drank for years. It did a good job at masking the problem, but never cured it. Alcohol was never the answer

How do we tackle the problem? Well, I personally believe it stems down to learning how to diminish anxiety because thats where all those feelings come from. Acceptance is key I believe. Acceptance of our fears. Generally our fears are based on the fearing of being in fear. Were generally scared to feel scared! There are many ways to overcome anxiety, and I too am looking for the right answer. I believe prescription medication to NOT be the awnser in my opinion unless absolutely necessary. Truth is, they will most likely lead to addiction and dependence. The answer isn't in the form of a magic pill, but rather learning to accept that fact that this is an illness of how we think. How to control our thoughts, and ultimately not fear them. Once we realize its nothing more than our minds screwing with themselves, we can start to accept these feelings as not dangerous. Of course, this is so easily said, and I too have trouble conniving myself of that. But the truth is, thats all it really is. Nothing more.

Just know your not alone my friend! Many many people are experiencing the same feelings as you. Each and everyone of us our a little different on how we will banish these thoughts, but were all on that same journey Your not going crazy, you simply over think things! Im finding out talking to other people about it really helps as well. Feel free to message me anytime just to shoot the breeze, or whatever.

-Ryan