Dorris

I'm so stressed with everything, my to do list is never ending. I can't help but think if I had a drink this evening It would be ok but I don't want to!!

As a working and student mum I'm always busy, but come the evening I would unwind with one to many drinks to help motiavate me to complete what ever task need doing.

Now I just feel like a headless chicken running around the place screaming and shouting at my husband and my kids, not for no reason but I always over react which has then left my son in tears.

Without a drink I don't know how else to escape this crazy out of control feeling.

Sapling

I couldn't do it alone...I know that...If it gets to be too much for you...Do what I did...Go to to an AA meeting and say you need help....You'll get it.

bryangt

Breath in breath out....give yourself some quiet time....breath in, breath out...

2granddaughters

An hour in my AA meeting gives me far more lasting relief than an hour at the pub (imbibing).

"I'm not sure I can do this." I couldn't do it without AA. I had to surrender as millions before me have.

All the best.

Bob R

Thepatman

Try to just do one things at a time, just do one and finish it. Then treat yourself to a drink of your choice, tea or something.

As for the kids, just explain in a calm fashion that momy needs things to be calm.

wellwisher

Sorry you are going through this. I found it so helpful to me to carve out some time to just be still for a little while - even if it is ten minutes. Just to make myself conscious of breathing better, soaking in some silence - etc.

I also found the serenity prayer so helpful:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

(use of the word God optional).

I used to open my eyes after a night's sleep with an anxious feeling and start a list in my head of all the things I had to do that day within thirty seconds of my eyes opening. Instead of bolting out of bed, I found that just taking a minute or two to be grateful for the things I had before me changed my outlook and made things more manageable. in the evening, I review my day with the same calmness, and be grateful for the things accomplished and the people in my life; it kind of keeps my priorities straight. There are some great gratitude threads on these forums.

The "to do" list is important, but I try not to let it trump the people in my life. Maybe try to strive for progress, not perfection.

Also, it is OK to say no when your load is heavy, too, and to be clear in asking for help before things blow up

whiskeyman

Kill Your To-Do List
Most people reading this will have a to-do program, or a paper list or text file, listing not only projects and tasks but separate lists for home and work and possibly half a dozen different contexts.

Those who don’t have a to-do list probably feel they should, because they’re swamped and feeling overwhelmed.

I’m here to suggest: kill your to-do list.

It sucks up your time, and drains your motivation. Those who have to-do lists usually manage them constantly, or if they don’t they fall into disuse and get dusty and become worthless, while the person who’s fallen behind in maintaining the list feels constantly guilty. For those who keep up with the lists, they spend a lot of time on the lists they could be spending … doing something important.

And what of these lists? They’re long, you never get to the end of them, and half the time the tasks on the list never get done. While it feels good to check items off the list, it feels horrible having items that never get checked off. This is all useless spending of mental energy, because none of it gets you anywhere.

The only thing that matters is the actual doing.

So what’s a better system?
The One Thing System
Here’s what I do, and highly recommend to anyone willing to break free of the to-do list:

1.I wake up in the morning, and decide what One Thing I’m excited about.
2.Then I focus on doing that, pushing everything else aside, clearing distractions, and allowing myself to get caught up in the moment.
I don’t worry what else is on my list, because there’s only One Thing on my list. I don’t have to check anything off, because I don’t actually have a list. I don’t have to worry about things not getting done, because I do the only thing I want to do — if I didn’t want to do it, it wouldn’t be my One Thing.

If I happen to finish my One Thing early, I can slack off for the rest of the day (my favorite strategy), or I can pick my next One Thing.

But … but …
What about the other things you need to do? What if you forget them?

Make a list of possible things to do, if you like, or routine tasks that need to get done for one reason or another. I would consider eliminating as many things as possible on the routine list, as they tend to just be friction that stops you from doing what you really want to do. If you do make a list, don’t consider it a to-do list, of things you need to check off. Just keep it as a reminder, and don’t spend any time other than adding things to it and possibly checking it once a day.

Even this list isn’t necessary, but I only suggest it here for those who don’t feel safe without it. If you really don’t want to forget something, you can put a reminder on your calendar. I suggest avoiding this when possible, but if I need to send out payments once a month, I’ll put a reminder on my calendar. It’s not that complicated.

For the important things, you tend to know what you really want to get done. If you’re a writer, you know what you want to write, usually. If you’re a designer, you already have an idea of what you’re excited about working on. You don’t need a list. You just need to forget about the list, and get working.

Kill your to-do list, and forget about all the things you need to do … except the One Thing you’re passionate about, right now.

grandma12

Your not alone ask your son for a hug and know your staying sobor for him.

2granddaughters

Not for many of us it isn't. It is the first and most important word in the prayer.

Without God, for me it is watered down and ineffective. it puts me back in control and my control is what got me to recovery in the first place.

No disrespect but 2+2 has to equal 4.

I can't change the 10 Commandments, The 7 deadly Sins or the 12 Steps to suit me. Trying to change God's Laws are why I ended up here.
And why I still struggle sometimes ......

All the best.

Bob R

wpainterw

Dorris: It doesn't go on forever. It gets better. Turn on the TV maybe. Perhaps your husband can take over some of the kitchen stuff or other chores until you're feeling better. And maybe put in a call to your doctor for some medication if that is thought advisable. Self medicating with alcohol is not the solution. It's the problem! Let the doctor do the medicating. Good luck.

W.

Xune

Perhaps a visit to your Doctor is in order?

Dorris

Thanks guys, I'm calming a little, just watched some catch up tv while sorting my daughter's bedroom, clearing way for all the new christmas things.

I take on board what you all say I know I wont drink tonight, I may eat my weight in chocolate minds

Thanks again for being there when I have these five min rants

xxx

ultrabunny

Im on day day 5 and yesterday I felt so low and thought 'why am I putting myself through this'.

Today however I feel a bit better. I went for a little run with my mutt and that gave me a little buzz.

Hate to see another feeling like you are today..please hang in there as tomorrow you will feel differently.

ultrabunny

I am also eating choc like a loon!!!

Have already had to buy another box that was a present cos I scoffed them!!! ;-)

Gringo

You can do it! Its been one week for me today.

Fernaceman

You can do this. The good news is you don't have to do it alone. I couldn't do it alone. Took me a long time to realize that.

It gets better. I know from experience it can be rough at times, but I also learned there is nothing a drink will really make better.

wellwisher

Hi Bob - I am tickled your HP is based in Judeo-Christian belief, and would never try to tell you what your HP should be. I prefer to leave that space open and let people insert their own definition, if they choose to follow an AA program. I merely spoke of what worked for me.

Merry Christmas...

Dee74

aaand...getting back to Dorris...

Christmas is really stressful but try and play the tape through - a few drinks won't unwind you...it may obliterate you tho...

I can't count the number of Christmasses I don't remember, or was sick for, or embarrassed myself, or didn't get things done, cos I was drinking.

There's better ways to deal with stress - do you have any other coping strategies at all, Dorris?

D

pattyj

The one thing that you can check off your to-do list is 'stay sober today.' That is number one on my list every day. I also had to realize that most things are not life and death situations but drinking is. If you eat mac and cheese 3 days in a row it's not a big deal. If your house is not spotless for Christmas or you forgot to pick up a gift, who cares. There is always tomorrow. The one thing you will regret is drinking, everything else will fall into place. Have a good one Dorris!

Dee74

^ and this.

If your to do list is too big - delegate - or just don't sweat the small stuff

D